My Version of Midnight Sun
by twi-writer
Summary: My version of Stephenie's work-in-progress, Midnight Sun. Basically, it is the same story as Twilight, just written from Edward's point of view. Offers a comprehensive look into the thoughts and motivations behind the novel's most intriguing character.
1. Author's Note

Author's Note and Disclaimer

Welcome to my very first public fan fiction! Like any good obsessed Twilight fan, I often frequent Stephenie Meyer's website and I was delighted when I read that she was writing Midnight Sun. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about -- go to her website, click on other projects and read her information about Midnight Sun.) Edward is such a fascinating character and I loved the idea of getting into the head of the guy who is constantly in everyone else's head.

Unfortunately, I am not a very patient person and as Midnight Sun has no known publication date and we are still months away from the release of Breaking Dawn, I decided I needed a distraction. So in an attempt to hold on to my sanity until I am able to read some more of Stephenie's original writing, I decided to try to write Midnight Sun myself. Please keep in mind that I am not Stephenie and do not judge my writing too harshly. This is for entertainment purposes only!

Now that you know why I 'm writing this, there are a few assumptions I am making about you as the reader:

1. Since you are reading fan fiction about the Twilight series, I am assuming you have at least read Twilight. If not, this story isn't going to make any sense to you. The whole point of this fan fiction is to try to explain things from Edward's POV, exploring his thoughts and motivations. I am not going to try to retell the story in its entirety.

2. Most of the dialogue, including all of the dialogue between Bella and Edward is straight from the novel Twilight. I summarized/left out the parts I felt contributed minimally to the story (i.e. Edward's version) but transcribing large chunks of dialogue is a necessary evil for this story.

3. You have read Chapter 1 of Midnight Sun, which Stephenie has generously posted for free on her website. Never in a million years would I bother trying to compete with the perfection that Stephenie creates, so I felt no reason to rewrite the first chapter. Instead, my story picks up at Chapter 2. The chapters coincide as closely as possible with the chapters in Twilight.

4. You are informed that all of the characters, names, places, etc. portrayed in this story, as well as a lot of the dialogue, are the creation and property of Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing of any real value in this story. (You are informed because I just informed you.)

Finally, please tell me what you think/offer suggestions about what I've done so far (keeping in mind this is my first fan fiction). Also, while I will probably continue to write for myself even if no one wants to read it, please let me know if it is worth posting my chapters on this site as I complete them. In other words, if you like what you read and want me to keep posting, please let me know. I will need a lot of encouragement to get through this. (No promises though!)

Phew...you made it through my long introduction. Now for the fun part. ENJOY!


	2. Chapter 2

**Wondering what happened to Chapter 1? Didn't read the Author's Note did you? Please do. It explains a lot and includes my disclaimers. Just in case... Twilight and all the characters associated with it are the property and creation of Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing.**

* * *

Chapter 2: Open Book

Up here, surrounded by the beautiful Alaskan scenery and pure mountain air, I could think clearly. I had spent the majority of the past two days up here alone -- thinking through the events of the day I left. The day of my unexpected flight from my family.

I winced as I remembered the look on Carlisle's face when I had announced to him that I was leaving, recalling his shocked and confused expression. He was so understanding -- more so than I deserved. He hadn't even demanded an explanation when I asked if I could take his car. He'd just handed over his keys. I could hear the questions burning in his mind, the questions he was too kind to ask out loud. Nothing among his thoughts even hinted that he suspected the real reason I needed to leave... that I was an uncontrollable monster. He'd even called Tanya for me before I arrived -- explained to my extended family that I simply needed a "change of scenery" -- too kind again. I was sure Alice had filled him in on the specifics by that point.

The specifics... that an absolutely insignificant human had driven me from my family. That a mere child had almost forced me to destroy everything Carlisle had worked so hard to create for us. My own personal demon -- that's what I had thought she was at the time.

_Hah_. The thought made me laugh and cringe at the same time. At first I had been angry, furious even. But here, surrounded by the crisp mountain air, my anger had slowly faded into disbelief. Who was she to drive me from my family, to threaten to undo the control I had worked decades to perfect? She was nothing. She was less than nothing -- she was weak and tragically fragile, even for a human.

I could barely even remember her smell -- barely feel the answering thirst in the back of my throat. She was nothing compared to my resolve. I would never betray my family, never betray Carlisle and Esme.

Emse. I'm didn't want to think about how much I hurt her when I left, without even saying goodbye. I wouldn't have been able to handle it. She wouldn't have let me go.

I sighed. It was time to go back. There was nothing keeping me here. Tanya would be disappointed that I was leaving so soon. I wasn't completely blind. Even in my agitated state I had noticed the hopeful look in her eye the morning I arrived. I really didn't know how to be any more clear that my intentions were not what she hoped. At least it made the decision to head back easier. Not that I needed another reason. I missed my family.

* * *

The relief that filled my body the moment I saw the large white house in Forks was almost overwhelming. My home. The entire drive back had been filled with anxiety over how I would be received. As I approached the house, I tried not to focus on any of the familiar voices that filled my head. I was too worried about what I would hear.

They were all there waiting for me -- my family. Esme pulled me into her embrace as soon as I crossed the door's threshold.

"Edward, you're home," her normally smooth voice shook with relief. I instantly felt horrible, knowing the worry I had caused her.

"I'm sorry Esme. I'm sorry I ever left." It was a weak apology but it was the best I could manage. I really didn't have a good excuse. I hoped she could tell how ashamed I was of my actions. She just shook her head, obviously too overcome with relief to reply, and continued to hold me close.

Alice bounded up and embraced both of us. "I knew you wouldn't be gone for long. I didn't even get a chance to raid your CDs yet." I grinned. I knew what she meant -- she had known I would overcome this. She believed in me too, just like Carlisle.

I sighed, turning to the rest of my family. I needed to get this out of the way.

"I'm sure Alice has explained to you all the reason for my sudden absence."

My family nodded in reply.

_Nice to see someone else struggling for once._ Jasper's thoughts weren't mean, just honest. These kinds of discussions were usually centered around him.

"Well, then you know how close I came to...loosing control. I don't think that will happen again so there is no need for you to worry. But I will be taking some extra precautions, just in case."

_I think that would be wise_. Carlisle's thoughts were approving. His faith in me was unwavering.

"Edward, you don't have to do this. If the temptation is too great you don't have to return to that school. We can leave, head to another..." My frown cut Esme off.

_Please don't leave again._ I winced at the pleading tone of her thoughts. It was absurd to ask them to pick up and move because of one insignificant human.

"No." My voice was stern. "Forks is our home now -- things are settled for us here. We will just continue on as if nothing has changed. Nothing _has_ changed. I had a moment of weakness and now I'm fine. It _won't_ happen again." I slowly met the gaze of each of my family members, willing them to see my determination.

I saved Alice for last. I knew I was strong, knew I could do this. Still, I wanted to know what she thought. She nodded at me but her thoughts were unfocused. Regardless, I trusted her. Above all, I trusted myself.

"Well, now that that's settled... I will be going hunting tomorrow. Anyone care to join me?" I grinned, relieved. Of course my family had welcomed me back with open arms. They were the most wonderful people I knew. More wonderful than I could ever deserve, even if I lived as long as Carlisle.

Emmett grinned. _I'm in_. Of course he was up for hunting.

Jasper smiled and nodded too. His thoughts showed that he was relieved to have the excuse to hunt a little more frequently, without having to attribute the need to any weakness on his part.

I smiled back at them. How did I ever let anything drive me away from here?

* * *

This will be just like any other impossibly boring day in this self-imposed purgatory. I had convinced myself of this fact from the moment I stepped out the door to drive to school this morning. The monotony of my school day so far had been reassuring. Even Jasper was having an easier than normal time warding off temptation thanks to our successful hunting excursion yesterday.

Yes, today was a completely unremarkable Monday...well, except for the snow. It was amusing how much delight the human mind took in the most trivial of things. But I had to admit, the sense of joy radiating from every human thought was catching. Even I had to partake in the fun atmosphere the snow had inspired, initiating a snow ball fight between my brothers and sisters on the way to lunch. I managed to nail everyone except Alice at least once. I'd hit Emmett several times, mainly because he was blocking for Rosalie as well.

_Don't worry, I'll get you back._ _ Just wait until after school._ I laughed at Emmett's thoughts of revenge. I guess my enjoyment had been a little too obvious on my face.

"You might want to wait until _after_ lunch to plan your counterattack." I grinned at Emmett. Jasper laughed out loud. If I could feel the lighter mood the snow had created, Jasper must be almost high with it.

Emmett just shrugged and proceeded to shake the melted snow out of his hair.

Then I heard her name, as clearly as if someone had yelled my own name across the crowded cafeteria. I hadn't realized I was listening for it.

"Bella, what are you staring at?" Jessica's annoying voice rang clearly above the excited murmurs of the cafeteria. Involuntarily, my eyes flashed over toward the voice, locking instead with the brown eyes I knew I would face eventually. Bella, the source of all my latest troubles. She dropped her eyes quickly, but not before I saw the exact same look on her face as the first time I'd locked eyes with her... surprise, fascination. And there was something else too... was it fear I saw in her eyes? Or was that just wishful thinking?

Still, I couldn't fight the frustration I felt as I realized I had once again been vainly trying to hear her thoughts. Her voice was not foreign to me. Why is it so hard to hear her? I listened more closely to Jessica and her conversation, trying to pick up some tremor of her thoughts.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you."

"He doesn't look angry, does he?" I almost smiled at her word choice. Naturally she thought I hated her. A shiver ran down my spine as I remembered my reflection in her eyes the last time we were together. I remembered the monster I had seen staring back, my true form struggling to break free and devour her.

I tried harder to hear her thoughts, ignoring Jessica's reply. I wanted to know what she thought of the monster that she had been face to face with. I wanted to see my inner demons through her eyes.

"I don't think he likes me," was the only reply to my futile efforts. It was another spoken understatement. At that moment I had loathed her, hated her with every part of my entire being. Still, part of me didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she had that kind of control over me, that she had been capable of inspiring such a passionate response in me.

I'll prove it to her; I was suddenly resolved. I'll show her she means no more to me than any other child in this God-forsaken school. Less even. I'll prove my indifference to her.

Unexpectedly, I saw a brief flash of my own face against a classroom background. It was only there for a second and then it was gone.

"Having fun?" I hissed at Alice.

"Just checking." She muttered. She had turned her thoughts back to Jasper but I knew she would be checking my future periodically now too. She was worried; I couldn't blame her for that. I would just have to prove to her there was nothing to be worried about.

* * *

I timed my entrance into Biology carefully, not wanting to tempt fate. There was no need for me to subject myself to the concentrated smell of Bella's impossibly sweet blood as it entered the heated air stream emitting from the classroom vent. Plus, although I would never admit it to Alice, I needed a moment to collect my strength.

I entered the classroom after I was sure she was already seated, safely out of any potential air currents. Even as I scooted my chair as far from her as the table would allow, the impact of her smell was staggering. My thirst erupted in my throat, every bit as strongly as the first time. But this time I was prepared. This time I had been expecting my response, the intensity of the fire in my throat, the overflow of venom. The first thing I did was cut the air to my lungs and composed my thoughts. I knew I wasn't truly thirsty. It wasn't need that drove this thirst but at deep desire. I could fight desire. I would show her there was nothing about her I found desirable.

"Hello." The lack of air had cut the volume of my voice but at least it sounded steady. I already had my face composed into the friendliest expression I could manage, prepared. She looked up at me clearly stunned that I was speaking to her. I smiled internally. I would show her that I could be perfectly civil.

"My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan." The same stunned expression remained on her face. I waited patiently.

"H-how do you know my name?" I couldn't help but laugh. My politeness had clearly caught her off guard. This was going well.

"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." She grimaced. So my first impression of her had been correct. She was uncomfortable being the center of attention. I couldn't help but feel a little smug -- she was as readable as any other human, even without the advantage of hearing her thoughts. But I felt certain her thoughts were only a matter of time...

"No," she replied, "I meant, why did you call me Bella?" Her question threw me off guard. I quickly scanned through the thoughts I had collected from her acquaintances during her first day here.

"Do you prefer Isabella?" I felt certain I had it right but I couldn't figure out her response.

"No, I like Bella. But I think Charlie- I mean my dad- must call me Isabella behind my back- that's what everyone here seems to know me as." Oops.

"Oh." I needed to be more careful about revealing information I had picked out of people's thoughts. I didn't have a lot of practice conversing with people who I needed to hide my talent from.

Luckily, at that moment Mr. Banner decided to start class, hopefully distracting Bella from thinking through any suspicions she might have begun to form. Still, things would be so much easier if I could know for sure. If I could just hear what she was thinking...

"Get started," Mr. Banner commanded from the front of the class. I managed to erase the frustration from my features before turning to my new partner.

"Ladies first, partner?" She stared at me speechless. Panic flashed through me for a brief moment. Maybe I was wrong about her dropping her suspicions. I needed to distract her, quickly.

"Or I could start, if you wish." Sure, I'd done this lab a hundred times but presumable she would have to concentrate, right? Suddenly I wasn't feeling so confident.

"No, I'll go ahead." Her face flushed red. I was keenly aware of the thirst burning in my throat. At some point, unbeknownst to me, I had started breathing again. My frustration at not being able to hear her thoughts had kept the thirst at bay, but the rush of blood to her face sent it crashing into my consciousness once again. The way her hair shifted as she leaned over the microscope, sending a fresh waft of her mouthwatering scent into the air didn't help either. I cut the oxygen to my lungs once more.

It helped. Plus, I was thoroughly enjoying watching her expressions. The way she confidently took possession of the microscope, as if _she_ was the one in control of this situation. I had to fight off a smile. My amusement almost made the thirst bearable.

The look on her face was...almost smug. How anyone could stand this close to a vampire who was contemplating killing her and feel smug, I had no idea. Where were her human instincts? Where were the feelings of fear and intimidation that overcame other humans when they got too close to us?

"Prophase." The confidence rang in her voice. She was clearly trying to show off.

We'll see about that. No way was I going to risk my perfect grade on the judgment of some overly-confident human. After all, my battle with Mr. Banner pre-dated the appearance of Bella. My perfection in his class drove him mad. There was no way I was going to give him the satisfaction of marking me down a point -- no matter what the circumstances. I was entitled to a small amount of amusement while I served my time wasn't I?

She was already beginning to remove the slide when I reached out to stop her. I felt the electric pulse jump from my hand before I realized what I was doing. Oops. Did she feel that too? She yanked her hand back. Guess so.

"I'm sorry." I muttered. Sorry I'm a vampire that really shouldn't come into physical contact with humans that we aren't planning on eating... My thirst surged in response to the thought. Again I scolded myself. I needed to be more careful. Interacting with humans could be so frustrating.

I glanced down into the microscope. I echoed her answer, acknowledging that she was correct. Maybe she _had_ done this lab before. I looked down at the next slide, barely paying attention to what I was looking at.

"Anaphase." I muttered as I wrote, more to myself than to Bella.

"May I?" Her tone amused me. She was challenging me? I passed her the microscope and watched with satisfaction her look of disappointment at finding me correct.

We finished the lab quickly, continuing in the same manner of one trying to outdo the other. I had to admit, she was kind of interesting as far as humans go. Her reaction to me was so unlike any other lab partner I had ever had, and I'd had a few.

It made me all the more interested in hearing what that mind of hers was up to. With nothing to distract me, I turned my face towards her and concentrated for the tenth time today on where I knew her thoughts should be projecting from.

Nothing. There was no mistaking it this time. I could clearly hear every thought in this room except for those of the person I was in closest proximity to, staring directly at.

How was this possible? Was she blocking me somehow? No, how could she block me without knowing... did she know? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she isn't human after all. Maybe she really is my own personal demon sent to destroy me.

The frustration I felt was undeniable. Somehow she was beating me again, causing me to doubt myself.

"Did you get contacts?" I hadn't realized she had looked up. Her question pulled me back into reality.

"No." Did she hear the frustration in my voice?

"Oh, I thought there was something different about your eyes." She looked away, apparently dropping the subject.

Regardless, my frustration flared into anger. It was my job to watch out for signs that my family's secret had been discovered. And here I was talking to this infuriatingly alluring child that clearly had begun to notice things that most people never got close enough to us to see. And I couldn't even begin to unravel her thoughts. What the hell was wrong with me?

The most frustrating part, besides the obvious, was that nothing she said or did made any sense to me. And none of it fit with my theories. If she knew what we were, how could she sit there calmly the way she did, doodling on her notebook as if she was completely indifferent? If she didn't, why did I find her so infuriating?

Mr. Banner was talking to me now, but the only part I heard was Isabella.

"Bella" the correction out of my mouth was automatic. I relaxed the angry tension that had taken over my body, quickly scanned his thoughts for the question I hadn't heard, and finished my response. He seemed satisfied because now he was addressing Bella. I let my mind drift back to my worries. I needed answers. And I clearly wasn't going to get them the easy way. I sighed. I was going to have to try to be more...human about my methods.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" All the joy radiating from the humans had turned to disappointment as the rain set in after lunch, melting all traces of the white substance.

"Not really." Hmm. At least she was being honest with me. I could hear the truth in her voice.

"You don't like the cold." How could she? Her thin, pale skin offered her no protection.

"Or the wet." Then why the hell would you move somewhere that is cold and wet for most of the year? Looking for a change from the fiery pits of hell?

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live." I substituted for my less polite internal inquiries.

"You have no idea." Her tone surprised me. It was so...miserable. Not what I would expect from a demon sent here for my own personal torment. Demons enjoyed that sort of thing, didn't they?

"Why did you come here, then?" I couldn't keep the accusation out of my voice.

"It's...complicated." She didn't want to tell me. She wasn't going to get off that easily.

"I think I can keep up."

"My mother got remarried." Such a normal, predictable human response it almost surprised me. Nothing about orders from the devil? Or would it be God? Who would want me to suffer more?

"That doesn't sound so complicated." It sounded humanly simple. The relief I felt allowed me to sympathize. She was just a rejected human after all. "When did it happen?"

"Last September."

"And you don't like him." I wasn't really asking. I almost felt like I _could_ read her mind, the answers were so predictable. Maybe I was reading it... I concentrated harder.

"No, Phil is fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough." I almost sighed. She wasn't following the script. I managed to keep the frustration off my face.

"Why didn't you stay with them?" I watched intently for her answer, analyzing her face for something more than what she was telling me.

"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living."

Of course -- I smiled-- this was still very predictable. The new husband travels and the little girl holds the mother back, so she sends the child to live with her father.

"Have I heard of him?" I bided my time, still trying to be polite.

"Probably not. He doesn't play _well_. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot." My theory was validated.

"And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." I waited for her confirmation.

"No, she did not send me here. I sent myself." Her face radiated defiance but her words rang true. Frustration washed over me again.

"I don't understand." I hated admitting defeat. Getting information this way was painstakingly slow.

I listened intently to her explanation. The sadness in her voice was unmistakable. I always thought humans did whatever they could to fulfill their own happiness. I had never really run into a mind that proved me wrong. Humans were some of the most selfish creatures I knew -- almost as selfish as vampires.

"But now you're unhappy." Despite the confidence in my voice, I was half-expecting her to deny it. I seemed to always get things wrong with her.

"And?"

"That doesn't seem fair." Who was this human and why was she so willing to sacrifice her own happiness for another's? It went against human logic as I knew it.

The short laugh she gave in response held no trace of humor.

"Hasn't anyone every told you? Life isn't fair." She was being sarcastic with me? That had to be a first.

"I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before." She was answering my questions truthfully but I still couldn't reconcile anything she said with my decades of exposure to human nature. I tried vainly to lift the answers straight from her mind.

"So that's all."

Understanding that she meant to say no more on the subject, I thought about what she _had_ said. She wanted me to believe she had accepted her move to Forks as a part of life, as a choice she willingly made. But everything about her -- the tone of her voice, her facial expressions, and the undisguised sadness in her eyes -- said that she was miserable here.

"You put on a good show." I hadn't really planned on saying this out loud. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see." I could just as easily be talking to myself. The words rang truer than I wanted to admit.

She grimaced in response.

"Am I wrong?" I waited for her response, silently daring her to deny my statement. Instead, she sat in silence.

"I didn't think so."

"Why does it matter to _you_?" Her question hit too close to home for me to care about her sudden mood swing.

Why did it matter so much to me? I had understood my intent at the beginning -- I had to prove that demon or no demon, she held no real power over me. I had to prove to myself that I could be near her and still keep my family safe -- she was just another unobservant, insignificant human to ignore. Yet, somehow, now, I knew it was more complicated than that. I just didn't know why.

"That's a very good question." Again, my thoughts were unwillingly made public. She had an unnerving way of coaxing them out into the open.

Her sigh drew my eyes to her face once again. She was scowling, looking straight ahead.

"Am I annoying you?" I couldn't deny the amusement I felt at the thought that _I_ was bothering _her_. If only she knew what she was doing to me.

"Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read -- my mother always calls me her open book." How ironic. This was definitely one of the most frustrating moments of my life and she thought she was _easy_ to read.

"On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read."

"You must be a good reader then."

"Usually." I couldn't help but smile. Maybe a good listener would be a more apt description.

Our conversation came to a halt as Mr. Banner began to address the class again. This strange woman-child had given me more than enough to think about. How much did she really see when she looked at my brothers and sisters and me? Was she truly serving out her own self-inflicted sentence in Forks or was she serving a much more sinister purpose? How long would I be able to resist the potent, sweet aroma that came from her blood? And of course, why was her mind silent to me? So many questions that still lay unanswered before me.

The sound of the bell was a relief to my overworked willpower and I bolted from the room just as quickly as the first time -- when I had run for her life -- for my life. Despite the distraction she had offered me, my thirst was still raging just underneath the surface, constantly threatening to overwhelm me. All I would have to do is ask and the sweet, quenching taste of her blood...

I fought back the thought before it could reach conclusion. I tried to tell myself that it was for the sake of my family that I left her alive now. I had more than enough reason to kill her -- more reason than just my desire for her blood. It would be so much easier to just get rid of her. Destroy the only exception to my talent I had ever met.

Despite the relief I anticipated I would feel, the thought of her demise actually left me with a twinge of sadness. It dawned on me that something about my interest in her had changed in that one conversation -- something I didn't want to examine too closely yet. Because once I acknowledged the change, I knew there was no going back. I walked briskly to my next class, my mind thoroughly absorbed with Bella.

* * *

As I waited for my family to make it to the car after school, I found my gaze drawn to Bella's face as she walked to her truck. Change or no change I hadn't completely convinced myself that killing her wasn't the proper way to go about things. For some reason I felt like her face held the answer, like I was waiting for a sign.

She was in her truck now, shaking out her thick, wet hair. I could just imagine the smell that permeated the cab, so sweet and savory... it made my mouth water. Yes, killing her would certainly have its advantages. All I would have to do is slip into my Volvo and follow her home...

She glanced suddenly in my direction and I watched as she pulled out quickly, almost running over a Toyota in her path. It was almost as if she had read _my_ mind, as if she could sense the danger she was in. If only she could see the very real danger she was in. Maybe then she would run back to her mother and leave me and my family in peace. I laughed darkly to myself as I watched her drive out of the parking lot.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to my one reviewer so far (yay!) for your kind words. Please don't get spoiled -- I won't always post new chapters so quickly. I just happened to already have this one mostly written before I posted Chapter 2. As always, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 3: Phenomenon

The car ride home was exceptionally quiet. Even Alice sat silently gazing out the back window, only once catching my eye in the rear view mirror.

_I assume you want to wait until we are alone to talk about it._ Alice's question was only a thought but she still held my gaze in the mirror. She assumed correctly, not that there was anything to tell. Still, I knew Alice would want a full account of my encounter with Bella and I didn't really want the others to think it was a bigger deal than it was. Alice had a way of getting carried away.

My eyes drifted to the ceiling of the car and back straight ahead, confirming her assumption.

Once home, I headed straight up to my room, turning on whatever CD was already in the stereo, and slumped down on my black leather couch. The sound of jazz filled the room. I laid my head back and looked up at the ceiling. If I could sleep I would have passed right then. I felt exhausted.

"So..." Alice was perched at the foot of the couch, curiosity burning in her voice, "What happened?" Sometimes I wished Alice could see the past as well as the future. It would save me a lot of explaining.

I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the ceiling. "Nothing happened."

"Well obviously, but what I mean is what was it like? Was it as bad as before? I know you talked to her, I _saw_ that. What did she say? What did she think? Is she horrified of you, of us?" I sighed, waiting for the barrage of questions to end. I really didn't want to talk about this right now but I knew Alice would persist until she got the answers she wanted.

"Yes, it was every bit as horrible as the first time. I murdered her a hundred different times in my mind, not that you made yourself useful." I paused briefly to glare at her.

"I could see you wouldn't actually do anything." She muttered, glaring back at me. I ignored her and continued, the words coming out in a rush.

"She said she hates Forks but she is going to live here anyway because she has some absurd notion that her mother's happiness is more important than her own. She is _not_ terrified of us, well of me anyway. In fact, I'm pretty sure I just annoy the hell out of her. And I really couldn't tell you what she thinks of you because I can't hear her thoughts and I didn't think to ask." I snapped my jaw closed to prevent my rising anger from spilling over. No use taking my bad mood out on her.

"What? You can't hear her thoughts?" Alice's voice was stunned. "How is that possible?"

"I haven't the faintest notion." I forced the answer out from between my clinched teeth.

"Edward, you have to tell Carlisle about this. This is something he'll want to know about. He may be able to help." The shock in her voice had melted into something much softer: concern.

"Alice, I will talk to Carlisle. But I'm not going to show up at the hospital unannounced again and dump my problems on him. He'd probably have a heart attack the minute I walked through the door." I smiled at the impossibility of the notion -- she knew what I meant. "Later...when he gets home and I've had time to think about things." I tried to take the edge off my voice, pleading with her to see my point.

"Fine Edward." Her voice had turned colder as she glared at me. "But I'm warning you now that I will be keeping a close eye on things until we figure out what is going on. So don't get on my case if you happen to hear something you don't like."

I rolled my eyes at her. As if it mattered what reply I made. We both knew she was going to do things her way whether I liked it or not. Just like she knew I would do things my way. We were two versions of the same creature in so many ways. It was why she was my favorite sibling. Finally, she turned and bounded out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

* * *

The drive to school the next morning was another quiet one. I had a feeling that Alice had filled the rest of the family in on my current dilemma and they were trying to give me space to work things out. I took advantage of the time to reflect on my conversation with Carlisle the night before.

Unlike Alice, Carlisle hadn't been all that shocked to learn that my talent had a short-coming, although he couldn't really offer up any feasible explanation for it. As far as Bella was concerned, he didn't see that she appeared to be a threat to us at the moment. Until something changed to suggest otherwise, he thought I should try to keep my distance. Treat her like any other human.

Of course I saw the logic in his reasoning. But he couldn't know how helpless I felt without my extra sense around her. It almost felt like being deaf. And her unpredictable answers and confusing expressions only made me more infuriated at my short-comings. Carlisle was right. I couldn't see her being much of threat to us, even given all her apparent abnormalities. No, not a threat. She was something different now... a mystery, a puzzle waiting to be solved. She fascinated me.

We had pulled into the school parking lot. Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper waved their good-byes and headed off towards their first class. Alice gave me a smile of encouragement and started off after the rest of them, leaving me alone by the side of my car.

Of course I was aware of Bella, four cars down from me, kneeling beside her truck. She appeared to be examining the snow chains attached to her back tire. Her expression didn't make any sense to me -- she looked as if she was fighting back tears. Even more confusing was the wave of concern I felt wash over me in response to her struggle. Why should I care that she was upset?

"Shit! Bella!" Tyler Crowley's mind and voice screaming the exact same thing broke through my musings. Or maybe it was her name.

Either way, the next sound I heard was locked tires hitting ice and failing to find traction. In my mind, the two sounds came together as one. I didn't need to look to know what I would see. Tyler's van was barreling through the parking lot, headed straight for Bella.

_No, no...not her, not her._ It was the only thought that went through my mind. For one brief moment my eyes locked with hers. She didn't even have time to look scared.

Before I was aware I had moved I was slamming into her body. At the last possible moment it occurred to me to brace her head, shielding it from the icy black top that was approaching at crushing velocity. Even so, we hit the ground hard, the left side of her head jarring against my open palm. My hands moved to her shoulders, pinning her to the ground. I knew it was possible that I had knocked her unconscious but was afraid she would hurt herself trying to struggle against me if I hadn't. I didn't have time to find out; the van had smashed with a grating crunch against the back corner of Bella's truck and spun around, taking aim at us once again.

"I swear to..." The words broke from my clinched teeth as I braced myself for the impact. My hands smashed into the side panel of the vehicle and I could feel the bumper of the car behind me giving way. The bumper held and I halted the approaching van about a foot from Bella's face. Moving quickly now, I caught the underside of the van in one hand and swung Bella's legs away from the space the van clearly intended to occupy with the other. Satisfied that she was clear, I released the van onto the asphalt. It gave one final protest in the sound of crunching metal and broken glass before settling into its resting place.

With the immediate danger out of the way, it hit me. _What did I just do?_ I sat still, paralyzed as the stupidity of my actions began to sink in. And then the screams started, snapping me back into the moment.

"Bella? Are you all right?" _Please, please let her have been knocked unconscious._

"I'm fine." Her voice was strained but very much awake. She started to try to sit up. Her sudden movement made me very aware that I had her pressed up against the side of my body, her scent thick in the air around me.

"Be careful." She couldn't know the double meaning of my words. Fire burned down my throat. "I think you hit your head pretty hard." Unfortunately for me, not hard enough to have the desired effect.

"Ow." The surprised look on her face almost made me laugh. Didn't I just warn her I almost crushed her skull into the ground? Her body felt so soft, so fragile against my unyielding side. I could just as easily have killed her myself in my effort to save her.

"That's what I thought." I didn't manage to remove all the laughter from my voice.

"How in the..." she shook her head slowly. "How did you get over here so fast?" Her question was unexpected but it didn't worry me. She was confused. I would simply persuade her to see things my way. Humans would believe anything said with enough authority.

"I was standing right next to you, Bella." I replied solemnly -- like I was concerned that she couldn't remember that.

She was struggling to sit up again, stirring the air with her scent. I released her, scooting as far away from the source of the intoxication as the small space would allow. It wasn't enough. I fought back my thirst once again but kept my eyes appraisingly on her face, waiting for a sign that she had acknowledged her mistake.

The voice of the people shouting instructions around us filled her silence. They were trying to pull Tyler out of the wreckage.

Bella tried once again to right herself in the cramped space.

"Just stay put for now." I reached over to press her shoulder back down into the ground.

"But it's cold," she was complaining. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. She had almost been flattened by a runaway van and was currently trapped in a space with a vampire that would have gladly lapped up her blood from the asphalt in front of an entire school of children had it come to that, but she was focused on the cold. She was a strange one.

I could smell Tyler's blood now -- he hadn't faired as well as Bella. It was a miracle she hadn't even been nicked by one of the hundreds of tiny shards of glass surrounding us. A miracle for both of us.

Despite that bit of good fortune, Tyler's blood was definitely complicating things. I cut the air to my lungs in an attempt to curb my desire. Apparently, this was going to be a routine if Bella was going to continue to inflict her presence on my life.

"You were over there. You were by your car." Her statement sent a pulse of cold panic shooting through my body. The memory of her eyes locking with mine, an impossible distance from her seconds before the impact, flashed through my mind. Apparently she was remembering too.

I would convince her she was wrong. "No, I wasn't."

"I saw you." Her eyes showed that she believed fully in the truth she was stating. There wasn't even a hint of doubt.

"Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way." I stared directly into her eyes, trying to implant the false memory directly into her brain.

"No." She clinched her jaw and I saw her eyes tighten. My panic flared, threatening to choke me. It was clear she wasn't going to budge.

"Please Bella." Pleading was the only option I had left. I really didn't want to kill her over this.

"Why?" It was a demand. Not one I could agree to.

"Trust me." The emergency team was arriving now. It was only a matter of minutes before they freed us. It wouldn't give me much time if I needed to stage the scene...

"Will you promise to explain everything to me later?" Another impossible demand.

"Fine." I lied. Whatever kept her quiet for now. I would worry about the consequences of it later.

"Fine." She snapped back angrily.

I waited impatiently as it took eight full grown men to shift the van the mere feet needed to free us from our prison of twisted metal. The EMTs brought in stretchers to carry us away, but I refused mine enough times that they gave up. The last thing I needed was some EMT in the back of an ambulance trying to take my vitals. Explaining why I had no pulse and the body temperature of a corpse was not an easy thing to do.

Besides, I needed to stay near Bella, who they were currently loading onto a stretcher at my insistence that she'd practically smashed her head open on the asphalt. They would undoubtedly ask her what happened and I needed to hear what she said, in case she changed her mind about keeping her promise. Hopefully they would attribute any incredulous statements she made to my assertion that she had likely had a concussion. Confusion was a normal side effect of brain injury.

_How could you do this do us? _ Rosalie's accusation screamed into my head. She was standing by the cafeteria, along with Jasper, Emmett, and Alice.

Jasper and Emmett's thought were furious also. Alice's mind was scanning through images at a furious pace, no doubt trying to figure out the consequences of what I had just done.

I kept my head down and walked straight to the passenger side of the ambulance. I was too ashamed to meet their eyes. I knew I would have to face them soon enough.

* * *

When we arrived at the hospital, the first thing I did was seek out Carlisle. He was undoubtedly surprised to see me here...again. Concern washed over his features. I wish I could deny that he had any reason to be concerned.

"Carlisle, I've done something really idiotic." I kept my voice low.

"Oh?" He pressed, the concern on his face saturating his voice.

"I just saved Bella's life." I quickly explained in detail the events that had just unfolded in the school parking lot. To my surprise, relief seemed to replace the concern on his face.

"I see" was the only response he made. I wasn't sure he did.

"Carlisle, I'm not sure what do to here. I don't know how much she saw, how much she suspects, but I may have just exposed us. She knows something's amiss but she has promised not to say anything. She is expecting me to explain everything to her." The panic was creeping into my voice.

"Edward, I don't know what to tell you -- I don't see an easy answer here. You are going to have to decide for yourself the right way to proceed now. Whatever you decide, we will support your decision."

I knew he was right but it didn't lessen the surge of anger I felt. All I seemed capable of doing these days was screwing up. This time, even Carlisle couldn't help clean up my mess.

"Well, could you at least come and examine her and maybe inform her that she has some brain injury and can't trust herself to remember the incident correctly." Carlisle raised his eyebrow at me. I sighed. "Well, at least if you look at her we don't have to worry about her telling another doctor what happened."

"Let me track down the attending ER doctor and see if I can get him to turn her case over to me. I'll meet you down there."

He was just being polite; it was no real mystery that he would be able to persuade the doctor to turn Bella over to him. The hospital never attempted to hide the fact that they would bend over backwards for Carlisle. They worshipped him.

I headed down the hospital corridor towards the large ER room Bella had been put in. It was easy to find her -- I just followed the sounds of Tyler's fervent apologies. You'd think he actually _had_ hit her the way he kept going on and on.

Surprisingly, Bella stuck to her word. I heard her repeat the story I had told her to Tyler. She was a terrible liar but Tyler wasn't paying close enough attention to notice. He just kept right own apologizing.

I waited around the corner while they wheeled her off for some tests, becoming angrier with myself by the minute. I had to be the biggest moron that had ever lived. Of all the people I could possibly risk exposure to rescue, it had to be her. I would surely have to kill her now. I couldn't see any way around it. I couldn't trust myself around her.

I knew Bella had returned when Tyler started up his endless apologies once again. I took a minute more to compose myself before walking around the corner and strolling through the large room to face her. Bella was lying back on the hospital bed, eyes closed.

"Is she sleeping?" I pretended to direct my question at Tyler but I was staring at Bella. I could tell she wasn't asleep -- her body was way too tense and I could see the line between her brows that formed when she was concentrating on something. Her eyes opened to meet my gaze. She was glaring.

"Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry --" Tyler was addressing me. I lifted up a hand before he could start in with his never-ending apologies. I really didn't have the patience for him right now.

"No blood, no foul." I smiled at him. I meant it literally.

I moved to sit on Tyler's bed, hoping the more potent smell of his actively bleeding wounds would help drown out the over-whelming smell of Bella.

"So, what's the verdict?" I knew it was futile to hope -- there was obviously nothing wrong with her. Still, I couldn't help but smirk at the idea that maybe, just maybe I had managed to do some damage.

"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go," she was complaining. I was only half listening. Carlisle was almost here.

"But don't worry," I was explaining to her, "I came to spring you." Just then Carlisle walked into the little space.

I almost laughed at the expression on Bella's face when she saw Carlisle. Her jaw literally dropped open. I watched as her eyes jumped once from his face to mine and back again. The look that came over her face told me she recognized Carlisle to be my adopted father. Someone had been talking to her about us.

Carlisle was talking to her now, assessing her condition. I watched in fascination as he probed along her hairline with his fingers, amazed out how easy it was for him to stand so close to her.

"Tender?" he asked her as he continued to probe.

"Not really." I couldn't help but chuckle. She was so stubborn.

Carlisle finished his examination, explaining to her that she should take the rest of the day off from school to recover.

This obviously upset her. "Does _he_ get to go to school?" She glanced at me as she said the words.

"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," ...and my version of what happened. I smiled smugly at her. Vampire 1. Human 0.

My smile vanished as I realized this fragile human had somehow managed to exert her influence over me once again. A fresh wave of self-loathing washed over me.

Carlisle was still giving Bella instructions as she swung her legs around and hopped off the bed. Despite being caught up in my own personal pit of despair, I reached out involuntarily when I saw her legs waiver. Luckily, Carlisle was there to catch her, helping her regain control. I quickly drew my hand back, hoping Carlisle hadn't noticed.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky," he was saying to her while he signed off on her chart.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me." I almost cringed at the lie but she had turned to glare at me again. I managed to keep my face blank.

"Oh, well, yes." Carlisle was never very happy about lying. He quickly turned his attention to Tyler.

As soon as Carlisle's back was to us, Bella was at my side.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" She hissed quietly at me. Suddenly, I was drowning in the smell of her skin. I took a step back and clenched my jaw against the impulse to strike.

"Your father is waiting for you," I managed to force out from between my teeth.

She glanced at Carlisle, who was still pretending to be occupied with Tyler's wounds. He had tensed at the understanding of my current distress but he wasn't going to step in. He was leaving it up to me, just like he said he would.

"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind," she pressed. For a moment, I almost wanted the monster in me to win, if for no other reason than to free me from the burden of having this conversation with her.

I turned quickly and strode as fast as I could manage without looking suspicious out of the long room. The pungent hospital smell provided a momentary relief from the cloud of florally sweet blood I could hear quickly trying to catch up. We rounded the corner and I turned to face her. Let's get this over with.

"What do you want?" It was just a starting point. I knew what she wanted and there was no way in hell I was going to give it to her.

"You owe me an explanation."

"I saved your life -- I don't owe you anything." The words were harsh. She had no idea what I'd just potentially given up in exchange for her ability to stand there accusing me.

"You promised." _I lied!_ That's what I wanted to say. But I wasn't ready to admit that to her.

"Bella, you hit your head, and you don't know what you're talking about." I could tell my words struck a nerve. Defiance flared in her eyes.

"There's nothing wrong with my head." Her tone was low, angry.

"What do you want from me, Bella?" Not that it mattered. She wasn't going to get it.

"I want the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you."

"What do you _think_ happened?" I practically spat the words out of my mouth, purposefully implying whatever it was, she was wrong.

Her reply came out in rush. I listened in horror as she described exactly what _had_ happened. She had noticed everything, every last detail. Her voice trailed off and tears leapt into her eyes. I tried to take advantage of her emotionally weak state.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" I tried to make it sound like I found the concept utterly insane but my voice was off. Despite the moisture, her eyes told me she hadn't bought it. Her nod confirmed it.

"Nobody will believe that, you know." I meant it as a warning.

"I'm not going to tell anybody." _My_ jaw would have fallen open if she hadn't said the words so slowly, giving them time to sink in. That changes everything.

"Then why does it matter?" I kept the relief I felt out of my voice. It would still be helpful for her to doubt her version of the event.

"It matters to me because I don't like to lie -- so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it." No wonder she sucked at it. She was still angry, but this conversation was over as far as I was concerned.

"Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

"Thank you." She stood there, waiting.

_She is so stubborn, _I fumed to myself.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"No."

"In that case...I hope you enjoy disappointment." I meant it sincerely at least. I would never tell her the truth. She just stood there, scowling at me. I scowled back.

"Why did you even bother?" Her words cut straight to my core. I had been so focused on figuring out _what_ I had done that the _why_ never even entered my mind. Why did I do it? Why did I barter my family's safety for the life of this mysterious girl? Suddenly, it was the much more important question.

"I don't know." I whispered the words to myself. I turned and walked away before she could force any more unwilling statements from me.


	4. Chapter 4, Part 1

**First of all, welcome to my new reviewers and welcome back to my returning ones. So, why the Part 1 chapter extension, right? Well, when I started writing Ch. 4, I thought it would be a relatively short chapter. I had even decided to remove some of the stuff from the end of Chapter 3 because I thought it was getting too long, opting to put it at the beginning of Chapter 4 instead. Well, turns out Chapter 4 is a very important chapter for Edward. So important, that in an attempt to stay true to the original Twilight chapters, I decided to break it into two parts. So here is Chapter 4, part 1. I will post Chapter 4, part 2 as soon as I complete it. Thanks for your patience!**

* * *

Chapter 4 (Part 1): Invitations

I was in such a hurry to get away from Bella when I left the hospital that I hadn't really thought about how I would get back to school. My Volvo was still in the school parking lot. Of course, I could always run back but I felt a little exposed out here in the open. Besides, I had taken enough stupid risks for one day. Instead, I did something very rare for me. I walked back.

The school wasn't a very long walk from the hospital, only about half a mile. Still, it was long enough to allow me to contemplate the new questions burning in my mind since my argument with Bella.

What was it about her that brought out my protective instincts? She was unusually uncoordinated, even for a human. And there was her uncanny talent for attracting accidents. But there was something more too. She _saw_ things -- things it took most humans years to notice, if ever. And there was that look she got in her eyes sometimes when I talked to her -- like she saw straight through my pretenses. Like she could see the truth.

One thing was clear to me. She was certainly not just another commonplace human to me anymore. She obviously meant something more now -- although I wasn't sure what. It was the only way I could explain my actions this morning.

Despite the excuses I had thought up to explain things to myself since then -- the truth was that the thought of her dead made me nauseous. When I tried to picture her lifeless form, all the flush gone from her face, her intuitive eyes clouded over, I almost cringed from the pain of it. She didn't deserve to die that way -- not while she was so young and innocent. I was glad I had saved her, even though there would be hell to pay for it. I would just have to deal with the consequences of that choice -- including the most important consequence of all. I would have to leave Bella alone.

By the time I got back, there was only an hour left in the school day. Rather than go to last period, I spent the remaining hour in my car, trying to drown my anxiety out with music. It didn't really help. Having exhausted my ability to make any further sense of my fight with Bella, I was now focused on the impending fight my family. My anger flared as I silently fought the battle in my head, anticipating what my family would say. How could I make them see that I didn't really have a choice?

By the time Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, and Alice slid wordlessly into the car, my temper was far beyond under control. I knew it would be bad when Emmett climbed into the back, leaving Alice to take his normal position in the passenger seat. He obviously felt the need to stay close to Rosalie, a testament to her state of mind. Jasper was squeezed into the door on the other side of the car.

The tension in the car was so heavy I thought the Volvo should strain under its weight. We were barely out of the parking lot when Rosalie broke the silence.

"What were you thinking? Have you lost your mind?" She hissed.

"Obviously." I accelerated.

"Well, was it worth it Edward?" She continued. "Is your pathetic little human worth exposing us all?"

"No one has been exposed Rose." Alice replied coolly. Rosalie ignored her and continued to glare at me from the rear view mirror.

"What was I supposed to do? Stand by and watch her die?" My reply was low, defensive. I was straining to hold back the anger surging inside.

"That's exactly what you should have done." Rosalie spat the words back at me.

"Humans die all the time Edward. It's natural for them -- it's what they do." Emmett's voice wasn't angry but it held an urgent edge. He was trying to explain Rosalie's reasoning. I couldn't see the point in what he was saying. What good was reasoning now?

"And then what? What if I had let that van crush her body? As soon as the first drop of her blood hit the ground, what do you think I would have done?" My voice boomed now, filling the crowded car. "Would that have been the better choice? Would it have been less damning if I had sucked the last drop of blood from her dead, broken body in front of a school full of witnesses?" Alice flinched, whether at my words or the volume of my voice, I couldn't tell.

For a brief moment my anger had silenced them.

We were home now. I had never made the trip faster. I pulled the car straight up to the front door, not bothering to pull around to the garage. I couldn't stand to be in it a second longer. I slammed the car door behind me and stomped angrily into the house.

Carlisle and Esme were already downstairs, both with concerned looks on their faces.

"What's going on here?" Carlisle addressed no one in particular as everyone stomped through the door.

I opened my mouth to reply but Rosalie cut me off.

"We are calling a family meeting. We are going to vote on whether or not Edward allows Bella to live." Her voice was ice cold.

* * *

I sat looking around the dining room table at the faces of my family staring back at me -- their expressions ranging from shock and concern to disgust. I could not remember ever being more uncomfortable in my existence. Or more furious.

I could not believe the situation I had gotten myself in. First, I exert all my energy trying to prove that Bella was nothing but another insignificant human -- that despite my over-whelming desire to, for my family's sake I did not have to kill her. Then, ironically, I end up being the one that saves her from being crushed to death in a freak accident. And now, having just convinced myself that her _not_ being dead was a good thing, I was having to defend that decision to the very people I thought I was protecting by letting her live. Even more ironic was the fact that they could very well reverse that decision and then what would I do? Would I kill her? _Could_ I kill her?

"Edward," Carlisle started, "did you get a chance to figure out exactly what Bella saw?" This was not a good beginning.

"Everything." There was no point in lying -- there were no secrets between us. Carlisle nodded slowly, contemplating.

Rosalie hissed, the words shooting out of her mouth. "You see, it has to be now. Now, before she can tell anyone else what she saw. Before she can expose us all."

"She promised not to say anything to anyone." I retorted.

"So what? She's a filthy, deceitful human. Her promise means nothing. She needs to be taken care of." Rosalie snarled back at me.

"She can't expose us because she doesn't know anything about us. She doesn't know what we are. She just knows that I saved her life under impossible conditions. She wants to know why but I didn't tell her anything." I was defending her, fighting for her life again. I could only hope no one else had noticed how perceptive she was -- that it was likely only a matter of time before she figured us out.

"But how long before she puts it together? She's not one of us, Edward. How can we trust her?" Emmett echoed my thoughts, smashing my hope.

"Let me worry about that." I muttered unconvincingly. I had no way of knowing if Bella would keep her word.

"She is an undeniable risk." Jasper seemed reluctant to add his input. "Maybe it would be easier, for us all, if you just..." he let his statement trail off. Alice was glaring at him with a look of revulsion.

"I'll leave before I kill her." My voice shook with anger. Even I was surprised at my conviction. It was true, I wouldn't kill her -- not over this.

_No Edward, do whatever you have to do. Just as long as you don't leave again_. Esme's input was unspoken. Her eyes pleaded with me. Everyone was against me it seemed.

"This isn't her fault. She doesn't deserve to die for this -- for my stupidity!" I was yelling again.

"We'll just have to be more careful. I'll keep an eye on her, watch her until I'm sure we're safe. She's not immune to me." Alice joined in earnestly, cutting my rant short.

"She's not your problem." I muttered weakly under my breath but I knew she was right. I didn't have a better plan and Alice would undoubtedly have been a part of it if I had. She was the only one who could truly watch out for us in this case. My talent was of no use and I didn't trust myself to even speak to Bella again.

"I think Alice is right," the authority in Carlisle's voice instantly gained everyone's attention. Although technically this was _his_ coven, _his_ family, it was so rare for him to voluntarily put himself in the leadership position. When he did, whatever he said usually went unchallenged.

"If Edward trusts Bella to keep our secret, then I have no choice but to trust her also." Rosalie opened her mouth to protest but Carlisle held up his hand to silence her. He continued. "However, I don't think it could hurt for Alice to keep an eye on Bella for a while. Just until things calm down." He was looking at me now. I nodded my acceptance of the condition.

Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett looked unhappy but said nothing further. It was over -- Carlisle's position would go unchallenged. I got up, turning away from them and headed straight to my room.

I wasn't alone for long. A slight breeze hit my face as I shut the door.

"I don't want to talk right now Alice." I growled into the door. I turned to face her. She was sitting in the middle of my floor.

_I didn't come to talk._ Her thought was soft but serious. She waited for me to cross the room and sit on the leather couch. As soon as I was seated, a vision began to take shape in her mind. Then I understood what she meant. She didn't want to talk to me, she wanted to show me.

The image that materialized was of Bella, but the setting was off. She was in the passenger seat of my car. I sat in silence, trying to make sense of the image. It faded, only to be replaced by another of Bella sitting across from me in the school cafeteria. The scene changed again. She was standing in the kitchen of her house. Having never been there in person, I recognized it from another of Alice's visions. That vision had been much more sinister than this one. She seemed happy in this one, content. The images came faster now. Now she was in _my_ house. Now she was talking to Alice, her face animated.

The final scene was one I had already seen before, in my own head. It was Bella's face, cold, white...dead.

"No." I gasped out loud. "No!" I repeated as the reason Alice was showing me this finally clicked into place. She was telling me that I was still undecided. That despite everything I had said, everything I promised to my family, to myself, that I still wasn't sure I _could_ leave her alone. She was showing me what would happen if I didn't.

"It's not set in stone Edward -- you know that." Alice spoke her reply, unknowingly answering the thought it my mind. "But it is one of the possibilities. One I thought you should see."

"No." I said for the third time. My voice came out low, determined. "I said I would stay away from her and I meant it. I swear it." I would not be responsible for the horrific image still burning in my head.

Suddenly the scene changed again. This one was of Bella walking hand in hand with a tall, dark-haired boy. Alice smiled at my new found determination, but her eyes were still sad. Before I could ask what was wrong, she turned and glided out of the room, leaving me alone once again.

* * *

School the rest of the week was...interesting. To say that I completely ignored Bella is not quite accurate. What I did was much closer to stalking her -- just mentally instead of physically. I listened to the thoughts of every person she talked to during the entire week. Naturally, everyone was interested in the van incident and everyone wanted Bella's first-hand perspective. Surprisingly, she never strayed once from our agreed upon version of events. Even more surprising was that everyone seemed to buy it.

That first day of Biology after the accident was horrible. Despite our fight and my outright lie, she had greeted me in an open and friendly manner. Unfortunately, friendship wasn't a luxury I could afford, at least not with her. I just nodded in reply, too unsure of my willpower to even meet her gaze, and kept my mouth shut. We didn't say another word to each other.

I thought it would get easier after that first day, after the first week even. It didn't. Every day, week after week, I sat at the far end of our shared lab table and was miserable. I didn't dare look at her when I thought she might see me. Still, I couldn't help but steal glances at her face -- when she seemed to be concentrating on something or while she was talking to someone. I was trying to read her expression, to gather insight into the inner workings of her mind. Some of the expressions I had learned to recognize -- like when she was really focused on something she was thinking about -- how her eyebrows would draw together and she would subconsciously bite down on her bottom lip. Others were still a complete mystery, like the attentive expression she used when she talked to Mike Newton, her lips barely curling into a smile. It was her eyes that seemed off during those times. She was looking at him but she didn't really seem to see him. Like maybe her mind was somewhere else. It was so hard to figure out what might be going on in that head of hers. I came so close a hundred times to breaking our silence, simply to ask her what she as thinking.

And of course there was the smell -- that intoxicating aroma that radiated from her skin, her hair, her blood. Sometimes, when I wasn't paying close enough attention she would shift her hair over her shoulder or stir the air with a movement and her fragrance would slam into me with staggering force. That's when the monster inside me would awaken with a vengeance and I would once again fantasize about what the taste behind the smell. The fantasies always ended the same way -- with the image of Bella's pale, dead face. The picture always triggered a wave of self-loathing. Part of me was frustrated by my unwillingness to give in to my instincts; the rest of me hated myself for having the instincts in the first place. I was truly a wretched creature.

Things at home had gotten better at least. Now that I was thoroughly ignoring Bella, at least to the best of my family's knowledge, things had gone back to normal. Alice went back to watching Jasper, who still struggled with his control. Emmett still spent all his free time challenging anyone willing to participate to a wrestling match. And Rosalie was still wrapped her in her own little bubble of self-perfection. Only I felt like an imposter, though I played my part to the best of my ability, hoping no one would notice the change.

I didn't anticipate that this day would be any different. I was already seated beside Bella in Biology, preparing myself for the hour of torture I was about to endure. Newton was sitting on the edge of our lab table, something he had gotten in the habit of doing lately, annoying the hell out of me as usual. His thoughts always revolved around Bella and this time was no exception. The context had something to do with a dance...and he was obviously uncomfortable. His unusual hesitance gained my attention.

"So," Mike began awkwardly, "Jessica asked me to the spring dance." That was a weird beginning. It had very little to do with what he was actually thinking.

Bella answered enthusiastically but it sounded forced. The discord confused me. Did the thought of Jessica going with Newton upset her? Was _she_ hoping to go to the dance with him? Did she see him in that way? Would I really have failed to notice if she did? Obviously, Newton's intentions towards Bella had been clear to me from the first day I saw her face in his thoughts. Deep down, I knew it was part of the reason I despised Newton. Still, I had never detected anything other than what I assumed was polite interest from Bella. Was I wrong about her indifference towards him?

Mike didn't seem to notice the false undertone. His thoughts faltered, losing enthusiasm. I suppressed a smile.

"Well..." he started. My humor faded as I realized he wasn't going to let it go. "I told her I had to think about it."

"Why would you do that?" Bella's tone contained a duality again. Her voice sounded disapproving but there was a hint of something else too -- something like relief. Maybe she really had wanted to ask Mike herself. Irritation over-whelmed me as I concentrated. Her thoughts stayed as silent as ever.

"I was wondering if...well, if you might be planning to ask me." For a minute I wanted to release my irritation with a well-placed punch right in the middle of Mike's bright red face. I had really hoped he would keep his ambitions to himself.

I turned my head ever so slightly to watch Bella's reactions. Somehow it seemed vitally important to me.

"Mike, I think you should tell her yes." She replied after a short pause. Her response took me off guard. Did she not want to go with Mike after all? Was there someone else?

"Did you already ask someone?" Mike asked the question for me.

"No, I'm not going to the dance at all."

"Why not?" Again, Mike asked the question in my head.

I watched her eyebrows pull together briefly in her look of concentration before smoothing out again. "I'm going to Seattle that Saturday." She explained. Nothing about her response suggested she was lying. Still, it seemed like such a convenient excuse -- too convenient.

"Can't you go some other weekend?" Mike pressed. Again, I suppressed a violent urge.

"Sorry, no. So you shouldn't make Jess wait any longer -- it's rude." She almost sounded annoyed.

Mike mumbled something I didn't catch as he walked back to his seat. I was too focused on Bella. I concentrated on her face as she closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her temples. I didn't even bother to turn away when she opened her eyes and looked at me. I only concentrated harder, locking eyes with her.

We would have stayed like that indefinitely if Mr. Banner hadn't tried to take advantage of my obvious distraction, calling on me for an answer to a question he assumed I didn't hear. I turned reluctantly to look at him as I dug the question out of his thoughts and returned the correct answer.

For the rest of the lecture, I battled internally. No matter how many perfectly logical arguments I used, how many times I _purposefully_ tried to conjure up the image of Bella's dead face to help motivate me, my logical self was losing. My burning curiosity was going to get the better of me. I was going to have to talk to Bella.

Absurdly, I actually felt nervous when the bell rang. I didn't really even know what I was going to ask her. I just wanted an explanation for the feelings raging inside me.

"Bella?" saying her name out loud for the first time in six weeks sent a thrill down my spine. I tried to ignore the reaction.

She turned slowly, obviously not pleased at my intrusion. "What? Are you speaking to me again?" She definitely sounded irritated. I fought back a smile. I don't know what I expected but I almost felt happy that about her response. Polite indifference would have been hard to take but irritation I could handle.

"No, not really." I wasn't planning on making this a habit. I just needed some answers.

She closed her eyes and clamped her teeth together.

"Then what do you want, Edward?" She didn't open her eyes, or her mouth for that matter. Regret washed over me as I realized the extent of her anger at me. The way she had sat there day after day, seemingly completely oblivious to my existence or lack of, had led me to believe she had mostly gotten over our dispute -- that she had moved on. Her current tone suggested otherwise. I was being unfair -- I was breaking my own rules. The rules I had forced on her.

"I'm sorry. I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really." I tried to explain as sincerely as I could. I hoped she would understand -- knowing there was no way for her to.

"I don't know what you mean." She opened her eyes at least but they were wary.

"It's better if we're not friends. Trust me." It's safer if we're not friends. Safer for you.

I willed her to hear the unspoken words, the words I couldn't speak. Her eyes narrowed with a look of realization.

"It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier," she hissed at me. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

"Regret? Regret for what?" The question flew unthinkingly from my mouth. Her response had taken me off guard.

"For not just letting that stupid van squish me." The sincerity in her voice almost knocked me back a step. I couldn't believe she actually believed I regretted saving her life.

"You think I regret saving your life?" I worked to control my voice but I knew my face betrayed my outrage, my anger. Despite all the misery and confusion I had experienced since that incident, I had never once regretted saving her. It was the most absurd thing I had ever heard.

"I _know_ you do." She snapped back, her eyes narrowing again, daring me to deny it.

"You don't know anything." My voice was cold. Talking to her had been a bad idea. If I regretted anything, it was being stupid enough to break our silence. I had only made things worse.

She turned abruptly, obviously still furious, gathered her things and started to rush from the room. She made it as far as the door before she tripped, dropping her books. If I hadn't been so mad I might have laughed -- it was so predictable. Instead, I gathered her scattered books into a stack and handed them to her.

"Thank you." She didn't sound grateful.

"You're welcome." I snapped back. She was the one being unfair now. She turned and stomped away angrily. I clinched my teeth together. Why did I even try? Bella and I couldn't even have one normal conversation. All we could do is fight.

* * *

I spent the last hour of school fuming over Bella's outrageous accusation. She had obviously misunderstood my silence these past few weeks. I hadn't expected her to understand completely but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine she would think I regretted saving her. The thought of her dead was the exact reason I had been staying away from her all this time, despite my own desire. I could understand if maybe she had thought I was still angry about our argument, but to think I wished she were dead... my anger flared at the absurdity of the idea.

I was still furious as I stalked towards my car after school. I hadn't gotten very far into the parking lot when I noticed someone tall, with dark hair, leaning against Bella's truck. The image Alice had shown me of Bella walking hand in hand with a tall, dark-haired boy flashed through my head. The thought stopped me in my tracks. Could this be the boy from the vision? Was he why Bella had turned down Newton earlier in the day? I examined him more closely. No, he was much...skinnier than the other boy had been. While the other boy had clearly had a well-built physic, this boy was lanky, awkward even.

Bella had just rounded the corner of the building and was headed toward the parking lot too. I noticed the brief falter in her step before she resumed her progress towards the vehicle. I stayed frozen, concentrating on her face as she reached the truck.

She greeted the boy casually as she started to unlock her truck. I recognized the boy now, Eric Yorkie. I almost laughed as I realized I actually thought _he_ might be the object of Bella's affection. Almost, because it occurred to me that I really had no idea what kind of guy Bella would like. She seemed to treat everyone the same, except for me. And she clearly despised me. I focused on their conversation.

"What's up?" Bella was asking him. She was still fiddling with her keys, trying to unlock the truck door.

"Uh, I was just wondering...if you would go to the spring dance with me?" The look of shock on her face almost made me laugh again. She clearly hadn't been anticipating this.

"I thought it was girl's choice." She wasn't really asking him. I almost felt bad for the guy -- he was clearly ashamed. Almost.

She gave him the same line about Seattle that she had given Newton. They exchanged a few more polite words before he slinked away disappointed.

I had started walking again and couldn't help but chuckle. I didn't know too much about human dating behavior, but I was pretty sure girls like Bella didn't fall for guys like Eric very often. I was just passing the front of her truck when she glanced in my direction. She jumped into her car, slamming the truck door. She was still angry.

But she was too slow. I was already in my car, pulling out quickly to cut off her escape. There was one more person who wanted his chance with Bella and I intended to give it to him.

Two cars back, Tyler Crowley was debating whether or not to get out and approach her. _Come on_, I urged him with my thoughts. _We don't have all day_. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were walking across the parking lot.

I had just about decided I was going to have to get out and physically drag Tyler from his car myself when he hopped and knocked on Bella's window.

"I'm sorry, Tyler, I'm stuck behind Cullen." This time she was clearly annoyed. But whether or not she was annoyed at Tyler or at me I couldn't be sure. She had never referred to me by my last name before. I bristled at the word.

"Oh, I know -- I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." He was grinning confidently. I couldn't help but grin in reply. Stupid fool. "Will you ask me to the spring dance?"

"I'm not going to be in town, Tyler." The edge in her voice was clearly directed at him.

"Yeah, Mike said that," Tyler continued.

"Then why --" She seemed exasperated.

He shrugged. "I was hoping you were just letting him down easy."

"Sorry, Tyler." The annoyance hinted at in her voice was clearly written across her face. It was stupid that I should feel relieved -- but that's exactly what I felt. Certainly Tyler wasn't Bella's type. In fact, I was pretty sure that since the accident he was near the top of her 'Most Annoying' list, after myself obviously.

"That's cool. We still have prom." Tyler turned and walked quickly back to his car before Bella could object. I laughed out loud. Tyler was congratulating himself on what he viewed as a successful attainment of Bella's company at prom. I was pretty sure Bella would be furious.

I was also pretty sure Bella was ready to run me over, Volvo and all, judging by the expression on her face. Luckily, my family had just arrived and were all securely seated in the car. I sped away before Bella could do anything rash.


	5. Chapter 4, Part 2

**As promised...part 2 of Chapter 4. And no one is more happy than me for it to be done. Channeling Edward during this dark period of his life can be really depressing! Luckily, things are starting to brighten up for Edward. **

* * *

Chapter 4 (Part 2) -- Invitations

If anyone thought my sudden good mood was odd -- considering I had been in a perpetually horrible mood the last couple of months -- they didn't mention it to me. Only Alice gave me a weird look when she climbed into the car. I had still been laughing to myself.

To say that I felt only relief would be a lie, although that definitely was a part of my good mood. Underneath, my curiosity was still raging.

Bella clearly wasn't interested in anyone at school, as far as I could tell. But that didn't mean she didn't have someone waiting for her outside of school. An acquaintance through her father perhaps. Or maybe an old boyfriend from Phoenix. My head was so full of Bella that I didn't even noticed that I had pulled into the garage and everyone but Alice had already hopped out. Her voice pulled me back into reality.

"I know what you're planning Edward." Her voice was low, serious. "I _don't_ think it's a good idea."

In her head I saw a vision of Bella's house again. She was cooking dinner.

Of course. It was the simplest way for me to get the answers I sought. I would spy on her. Surely it would become obvious if there was someone else in her life. She would call him or his name would come up in conversation. It was certainly safer than trying to talk to her again -- all I had to do was wait and listen.

I smiled at Alice. "I know what I'm doing," I replied calmly, indicating the topic was not open for discussion.

She let out a low growl and stomped out of the car, slamming the door behind her. _Moron!_ was the only thought I heard as she left the garage.

I felt good about my plan. If there had been any real danger, Alice would have put up a bigger fight. She would have stopped me.

I slid lightly out of the car and walked straight into the woods.

* * *

I waited until dark to approach the house. Until then, I listened safely from the distance of the woods to Charlie and Bella's conversation, and Charlie's thoughts. I had to admit, I felt like an intruder at that moment, listening to the private conversation of a father and daughter over dinner. Dinner conversation was such a weird concept to me -- so human. Naturally, my family and I never talked while feeding.

Still, I found myself completely enthralled by the interchange. The things that were omitted were almost more interesting than what was actually spoken. For example, Bella called her father Dad, though I noticed her natural inclination was to call him Charlie. I wondered about the inconsistency.

And when Bella mentioned to Charlie that she would be going to Seattle, Charlie's thoughts immediately became troubled. First he was afraid that Bella was sneaking off with some no good boy that she didn't want him to know about. This troubled him almost enough to insist that he would go to Seattle with her, even if it meant he would have to shop all day. I could tell from the displeasure of his thoughts that very few things were as disagreeable to Charlie as shopping.

Then, when he remembered the dance, he became worried that Bella wasn't fitting in well in Forks -- that no one had asked her to the dance. I chuckled, remembering the three offers she had gotten today alone. If only he knew. But I had a feeling Charlie would worry whether Bella had a boyfriend or not.

Aside from entertainment, the conversation had given me some vital information. For one thing, Bella really did intend to go to Seattle the weekend after next. Secondly, Charlie was worried about the gas her truck would need to get there, if it made it at all. I filed that piece of information away for future use. Finally, if Bella did have a boyfriend, Charlie knew nothing about it. I decided to wait until Bella was alone, when she might do something to reveal a secret love interest away from Charlie's suspicious watch.

Once night fell, I traded my post at the edge of the woods for a tree with a clear view of Bella's window. I watched as Bella worked on her homework for a little while, and then proceeded to get ready for bed. I turned my head as she undressed for bed, only looking after I was sure she was securely under the covers. I already felt like a villain. Then I waited. Charlie went to bed less than an hour later. Only about ten minutes passed before I could hear his snores roaring through the house.

With one swift movement I was up Bella's wall and through her second story window. The window had stuck a little, as if it hadn't been opened in years, but gave way without a sound at my prodding. And there I was, in the dark inside Bella's room.

I spent the first hour crouched in the exact spot on her floor where I had landed. I was too terrified to move. I was afraid that she wasn't asleep and that she would catch me. I was afraid because I had no idea what I was doing. I had never in my wildest musings planned on going this far. And I was afraid that my control would break if I moved an inch. The whole room was saturated with her smell.

I spent the time listening to her breathe, steadily in and out. I listened to the sound of her heart, of the blood rushing through her vessels. Humans could identify some of the sounds the human heart produced -- Korotkoff's sounds they called them. But there were so many sounds that even the most sensitive of human instruments couldn't detect. These sounds came together to produce an intricate symphony of delicate melodies, each as unique as the heart to which it belonged. The sound of Bella's heart had a calming effect on me.

When I had finally convinced myself that she was truly asleep, I allowed myself to stand up. I moved silently to the wall opposite her bed and watched. Bella asleep was a beautiful sight. Her face was completely devoid of stress, of all signs of unrest. She looked peaceful -- more at ease than I had ever seen her in waking life.

It made me feel awful. Here, watching Bella sleep, it was easy to recognize the pain she carried around with her during the day. Part of it was her own doing, but I couldn't deny that part of it was mine. I was only adding to her misery and mine. I knew leaving her alone was the right thing to do -- the proper course of action.

But what about what I wanted? What about what was right for me? I wanted Bella -- I didn't care in what way -- just as long as she was part of my life. Although it was the first time I had truly admitted this to myself, the thought didn't surprise me; my very presence here was proof of her value to me. I _wanted_ to see Bella in my car, to see her in my room -- and not just in Alice's head. But did I want it so badly that I would risk killing her for it? No, getting her involved with me was not only wrong, it was immoral. I smiled bitterly at the thought -- since when had morality ever bothered me?

Forget morality then. Suppose I could leave her alone. Suppose I went to Alaska for a few years, until she had time to graduate and move away. I knew what would happen if I left her alone, Alice had shown me that. Eventually she would say yes to one of her many admirers. Maybe not Eric, but one day it could be Tyler, or Mike...or the mysterious, dark-haired boy from the vision. The thought triggered a fresh wave of anger.

I don't know how many hours passed as I wrestled with myself over what I knew was right and what I knew I wanted. I had almost convinced myself it was time to go, feeling completely moronic and more than a little intrusive in my current situation, when I heard it...

She spoke the word so clearly there could be no misinterpretation. She had said my name. I froze in place -- terror swelling up in me again. It was too late. She had woken up. She knew I was here.

And then she said it again, softly this time, sweetly. She rolled over on her side, sighing a deep, breathy sigh. Her breathing fell once again into a steady, quiet rhythm.

The surge of emotion that overcame me in that moment was almost unbearable. At first, I thought I might collapse under the force of it. My breath came in quick, jagged intervals before I ceased breathing completely. It was a reflex reaction I had developed to deal with the over-whelming desire I felt every time her smell assaulted my senses. This sensation was every bit as strong as that one.

I was detached from my body -- my mind floating independently as one wave of emotion after another tore through me -- emotions I had never experienced first-hand before. But I didn't have to have personal experience to know what I felt -- I had felt it before through Alice and Jasper's thoughts, through Carlisle and Esme's, Rosalie and Emmett's. The realization was almost as staggering as the emotion.

I was in love with Bella.

Whether I liked it or not, my hours of debate had reached a resolution. I couldn't ignore her any longer. I knew the outcome of that decision was a gamble, but there was no turning back now. I was surrendering. And although I knew this decision must surely negate any small chance I may have had of avoiding eternal damnation, the thought made me happier than I had been in weeks -- years even. I was truly the most selfish creature in the world.

Unwillingly, I turned to leave what I now viewed as my own personal heaven. I needed to go hunting.

* * *

Despite my newfound clarity, I felt as anxious as ever as I approached Bella the next morning in the school parking lot. So many things had fallen into place for me last night. My unusual frustration in her presence. The strong irritation I felt when Newton thought about her. A hard, humorless laugh had escaped my lips when I figured that one out. All this time I had been jealous -- me, _jealous_ of Mike Newton. The ridiculousness of the realization didn't lessen the resentment I felt towards him.

I was so high with my newfound freedom that I approached Bella's truck a little too quickly for my human cover. I unthinkingly reached out to retrieve the keys she had dropped in a puddle, startling her.

"How do you _do_ that?" Amazingly, she _still_ sounded irritated.

"Do what?" I replied innocently, dropping her keys into her outstretched palm.

"Appear out of thin air."

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." I smiled teasingly. She scowled.

"Why the traffic jam last night?" She demanded. "I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

If only she knew how impossible it was for me to pretend she didn't exist.

"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." I couldn't suppress a snicker. Maybe it had been for my sake...just a little bit. "And I'm not pretending you don't exist." I added quickly.

"So you _are_ trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?" The harshness of her words managed to cut through my exuberant mood. It was a low blow.

"Bella, you are utterly absurd." I replied coldly. For a second she stayed frozen in place, her body tensed, before she abruptly turned and started walking away. I sighed. Just this once, I would like to actually finish a conversation I started with Bella.

"Wait," I called after her, catching up. "I'm sorry, that was rude." She ignored me.

"I'm not saying it isn't true, but it was rude to say it, anyway." Couldn't she tell I was trying to play nice?

"Why won't you leave me alone?" she grumbled in reply. I smiled. It was better than nothing.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me." I chuckled to myself. I had to admit, she was pretty cute when she was mad.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" Oh, no you don't. Not this time...

"You're doing it again." I pointed out. She sighed. I took it as a sign of surrender.

"Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

Despite her momentary compliancy, I just couldn't help myself. My rebounded good mood got the better of me. "I was wondering if, a week from Saturday -- you know, the day of the spring dance --"

She wheeled around abruptly, meeting my gaze for the first time. "Are you trying to be _funny_?"

"Will you please allow me to finish?" I replied when I felt it was safe to open my mouth without laughing.

The same look returned to her eyes that I had noticed after I trapped her with Tyler yesterday. Like she wished I was standing in the path of her truck right now. I decided to get the point before I lost my chance.

"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride." The change in her expression was immediate. She hadn't seen that coming.

"What?" her voice faltered.

"Do you want a ride to Seattle?" I repeated patiently.

"With who?" I studied her face for any signs of humor. She seemed genuinely perplexed. Was the idea of riding with me that horrible to her? Was she mentally blocking out the possibility?

"Myself, obviously." I said slowly, afraid of what the realization might do to her.

"_Why_?" She still seemed dazed. I sighed internally. This was harder than I thought it would be.

"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it." I explained. To my relief it seemed to get through to her.

"My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern." She started toward class again, angry again.

"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" I mentally thanked Charlie for the ammunition.

"I don't see how that is any of your business." She was acting mad but she wasn't telling turning down my offer. I took it as a sign of hope.

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Edward. I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend." I almost smiled at the irony of her misunderstanding.

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, thanks, now that's _all_ cleared up." Despite her obvious sarcasm, I felt the seriousness of the moment. She had turned to meet my gaze once again.

It wasn't too late, not yet. I didn't think I could turn back now but she still could. It only seemed fair to give her the chance.

"It would be more..._prudent_ for you not to be my friend. But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you Bella." The flutter I felt inside at this public acknowledgment set my words on fire.

She was silent for a moment and I watched as confusion overcame her features again. Standing there, staring into her warm, brown eyes, my willpower broke. Knowing fully that I wasn't fighting fair, I took advantage of her momentary indecision.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?" I asked again, refusing to break eye contact.

She nodded. Instantaneous relief and happiness flooded through me.

"You really _should_ stay away from me," I warned her sincerely, knowing it was too late. "I'll see you in class."

Afraid to give her time to change her mind, I turned abruptly and headed back towards my first class. There was no doubt about it -- I was surely going to hell for this.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 has arrived -- and it is a long one! Which reminds me... thanks to everyone for not getting on my case about grammatical errors. I do my best to catch as many as I can before posting, but at least a couple always seem to slip through. And the longer the chapters get, the more mistakes there are bound to be. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! **

* * *

Chapter 5 -- Blood Type

The rest of the school morning was painfully long. Every hour seemed like a century to me -- and I would know -- I've practically lived one.

When lunch finally arrived I was surprised to find myself feeling nervous again. I tried to block out the confused thoughts of my siblings as I passed by the table I usually shared with them, opting instead to sit at a table at the opposite end of the cafeteria. I had other plans for lunch today.

I couldn't help but smile as Bella entered the cafeteria with Jessica. Her eyes glanced immediately to the table at which my four siblings sat hypothesizing about my strange behavior. More accurately, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie were alternating between producing theories and interrogating Alice, who was keeping her mouth shut for the time being. While I appreciated the gesture, it was a lost cause -- they would find out soon enough.

I followed Bella's progress through the line, trying to figure out the best way to get her attention. Luckily, Jessica was willing to perform the task for me.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you again." My name coming out of Jessica's mouth always grated on my nerves. Still, I was grateful for the observation, even if I did wish Jessica were a little less aware of my presence.

Bella was looking in my direction now. I grinned as she met my gaze, trying to calm the surge of excitement her attention incited. I motioned with my finger for her to join me. She just stared at me. For a second I thought she might decline.

_Trust me._ I tried to convey the thought with a wink.

"Does he mean _you_?" A spike of anger shot through me in response to Jessica's insulting words. I suppressed an urge to stare her down because that would require me to turn my gaze from Bella, and I was currently using it to try to sway her in my favor.

Bella didn't seem to notice Jessica's tone, or if she did she didn't acknowledge it. She mumbled some excuse at her and slowly walked over to my table. I was beaming inside again.

She stopped short of sitting down, hovering behind the chair across from me.

"Why don't you sit with me today?" I suggested.

She complied without a word. I studied her face -- not quite believing that she was actually willingly sitting across from me. I almost expected her to start arguing with me again.

"This is different." She noted instead.

"Well..." Suddenly, all the things I had learned about myself over the past twenty-four hours were aching to come out. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

I knew she wouldn't understand the truth behind my words. How could I explain to her the complexities of my life when I couldn't even tell her the basics?

As if to confirm my point, Bella replied, "You know I don't have any idea what you mean."

"I know." I decided to change the topic.

"I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you." And my family is beyond furious with me for the same reason, I thought bitterly. I was still struggling to block out their thoughts.

"They'll survive." She replied. Her choice of words amused me.

_They might, but will you?_ I wondered if she could sense the danger.

"I may not give you back, though." I tested her reaction. Not surprisingly, she seemed a little worried.

"You look worried." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood a little. I'm sure she would be terrified of me soon enough.

"No. Surprised actually...what brought all this on?"

Well, see I was in your room watching you sleep last night... I suppressed a sigh. She always wanted the answers I couldn't give her.

"I told you -- I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up." I almost shrugged. I wished I could feel worse about my failure but it was hard when surrender felt so good.

"Giving up?"

"Yes -- giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." The self-loathing I had expected earlier finally hit me as I vocalized the consequences of my surrender. I couldn't believe I was sitting here telling the woman I loved that in pursuit of my own selfish pleasure, I had decided to gamble with her life. Except that I wasn't really telling her -- not in words that she could understand anyway-- which was again, for my own selfish reasons. I wasn't ready to lose her so quickly after figuring out what she meant to me.

"You lost me again." I smiled at her logical response, trying to fight off the negativity that had crept up on me.

"I always say too much when I'm talking to you -- that's one of the problems." Too much...yet somehow not enough.

"Don't worry -- I don't understand any of it." She replied cynically.

"I'm counting on that."

She scowled briefly but moved on. "So, in plain English, are we friends now?"

"Friends...," I let the word drift off before I unwilling finished the thought. If friendship was what she was offering, I would take it. It was ridiculous that I wanted more.

"Or not." She misunderstood my silence.

"Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you." I had to admit, this was new territory for me. I was pretty sure a vampire had never tried to befriend a human before. Well, at least not one he intended to let live.

"You say that a lot." She replied.

"Yes, because you're not listening to me." I continued earnestly. "I'm waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me." I was pretty sure I would recognize the moment when the reality hit her -- it would be right before she ran away screaming.

"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too." She replied coldly.

I smiled apologetically.

"So, as long as I'm being...not smart, we'll try to be friends?" I smiled at her attempt to piece together our warped conversation. I couldn't have said it better myself.

"That sounds about right."

She dropped her eyes to the table, seeming to weigh my proposition. Despite the pain it evoked, a part of me felt comforted knowing it would only be a matter of time before she rejected me. At least then she would be safe. I just wished I could see it coming -- to prepare myself. I realized subconsciously I had been trying to pluck the thoughts from her mind again.

"What are you thinking?" It was such an unusual phrase for me -- I had the feeling I would be using it a lot with Bella.

"I'm trying to figure out what you are." Her answer almost knocked the breath out of me, it was so unexpected. If I had been able, I was pretty sure I would have broken out in a cold sweat.

"Are you having any luck with that?" I tried to sound unconcerned -- keeping the panic out of my voice.

"Not too much."

I chuckled to cover my relief. "What are you theories?"

Her cheeks flushed with color. My body responded in turn with a flutter in my chest. My curiosity bubbled over.

"Won't you tell me?" I smiled sweetly, trying to tempt the answer out of her. She just shook her head.

Grrr. Nothing worked on her. "That's _really_ frustrating, you know."

"No," she disagreed. "I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all -- just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean...now, why would that be frustrating?"

Apparently, I had touched a nerve. She continued to rant...

"Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things -- from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be _very_ non-frustrating." I listened in silence as she recounted my sins against her -- and those were just the ones she knew about. I wondered how she would react if she knew just how tainted my background really was.

"You've go a bit of a temper, don't you?" It was petty of me but I was tired of focusing on my flaws.

"I don't like double standards." She retorted.

We sat in silence, eyeing each other unhappily for a moment.

_What the hell does he think he's doing? Why is Cullen always such a dick to Bella -- why can't he just leave her alone? Maybe I should go over there and give him a nice punch in the jaw. I bet that would shut him up. _

_Then again...maybe they'll work it out on there own. Edward seems like a pretty solid dude. And his brother Emmett..._

Newton's thoughts interrupted my fuming. I couldn't help but snicker. It only seemed fair to share.

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you," I substituted slightly for Newton's degrading choice of words. "He's debating whether or not to come break up our fight."

I snickered again to myself. It was an entertaining thought. I kind of wished he would come over here. The result would be very...satisfying.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she denied the reference, "but I'm sure you're wrong anyway."

"I'm not. I told you, most people are easy to read."

"Except for me, of course." Her question changed the direction of my thoughts again, recalling my frustration.

"Yes. Except for you. I wonder why that is." I searched her eyes for a moment for an answer I knew I wouldn't find. I must have looked a hundred times already. Finally, she looked away.

For the first time since she had sat down, I noticed she didn't have any food with her --just a bottle of lemonade. "Aren't you hungry?" I inquired.

"No. You?" The unintentional double meaning of her words made me smile again.

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Can you do me a favor?" She asked suddenly. Her abrupt change in direction put me on guard. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like her request.

"That depends on what you want." I qualified carefully.

"It's not much." She waited, sizing up my reaction. I sat patiently.

"I just wondered...if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared." Her request confused on me. She was staring down at the table but she was obviously serious.

Hadn't I already explained to her how futile my attempts to ignore her had been? I was certain she would ultimately be the one to rebuff me. Would it be fair for me to put the same request to her?

"That sounds fair." I replied simply. At the moment I had a more pressing question. "Then can I have one answer in return?" Surely she would see this one coming.

"One." She replied without qualifying. I jumped on the mistake.

"Tell me _one_ theory."

"Not that one."

"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," I pointed out smugly.

"And you've broken promises yourself." Her words weren't harsh so I ignored them.

"Just one theory -- I won't laugh."

"Yes, you will." She saw right through me. But I had one more trick up my sleeve...

"Please?" I entreated in the most alluring voice I could manage, unleashing my charm on her. I had been wondering if she would respond to my... persuasion anyway. It seemed like a harmless enough test.

"Er, what?" She didn't give in but I could see the indecision on her face. I tried again.

"Please tell me one little theory." I couldn't tell if it was my charm or persistence, but it worked.

"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?"

"That's not very creative." I mocked, but mostly I felt relieved that she was so far off base. It reinvigorated my mood.

"I'm sorry, that's all I've got." My lack of diplomacy had annoyed her.

"You're not even close," I teased, trying to repair the damage.

"No spiders?" She recovered.

"Nope."

"And no radioactivity?"

"None."

"Dang." She sighed. It was the first joke she had ever attempted with me. I found it endearing.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either." I laughed, pleased with the lighter nature of our banter.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?" I struggled to comply.

"I'll figure it out eventually." She cut through my humor. My emotions were always on a roller coaster ride with her.

"I wish you wouldn't try."

"Because...?" she prodded.

I sighed. She really seemed intent on making this my last conversation with her.

"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" I tried to keep the words playful but I knew I had failed.

"Oh." Realization hit her face. "I see." Figuratively, my heart dropped.

"Do you?" The certainty was written all over her face. Still, I needed to hear her say it.

"You're dangerous?" The rush of blood through her veins signaled that she understood the truth of her words. Despite her tone, she wasn't really asking.

I was too overwhelmed to reply. I would certainly loose her for good now. All I could do now was wait for her to flee.

"But not bad." She whispered; amazingly, she stayed put. "No, I don't believe you're bad."

"You're wrong." I could barely get the words out. I couldn't watch. I kept my eyes on the lemonade top between my fingers, waiting for the sound of her chair.

It seemed like an eternity, but finally I heard it -- her chair pushed back abruptly.

"We're going to be late." Her tone surprised me. She didn't sound upset -- well not about what I had told her anyway.

"I'm not going to class today." I replied automatically. Mr. Banner was quite pleased with himself over a blood-typing lab he had thought up for Biology today. It was all he could think about last class.

"Why not?"

I looked up at her, trying to gauge her expression. Was my not going to class really the most important question in her mind right now?

"It's healthy to ditch class now and then."

Maybe the implications of our conversation hadn't sunk in for her yet. It was only a matter of time. She would likely never willingly speak to me again.

"Well, I'm going." She announced.

"I'll see you later then." There was no hope in my voice. I turned my attention back to the lid. I didn't want to watch her walk away from me, conceivably for the last time.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, watching the lid of Bella's cap spin, too glum to move. Eventually, one of the cafeteria workers started wiping down the tables, shooting me a curious look. I decided it was time to seek the privacy of my car, not wanting to deal with explaining why I wasn't in class.

I sat staring at the ceiling of my car, trying to drown out my thoughts with music. I didn't want to think. There was nothing to think about. Bella understood that I was dangerous and would stay away from me now. I supposed I should be happy. It was safer for her this way.

Newton's thoughts suddenly pulled me from my cloud of gloom. He was thinking about Bella -- no surprise there. But his thoughts were more intimate than normal. He was thinking about how right his arm felt around Bella's waist. How good her hair smelled so close to his face. How warm her body was pressed up against his...

I was out of the car before my fury even hit me. Newton wasn't fantasizing -- this was real.

Despite my revulsion, I focused on Newton's thoughts, trying to locate them. I could tell they had left Biology. Where were they going?

Concern flooded over me when I found them by the cafeteria. I'm not sure what I was expecting to see but this wasn't it. Bella was lying on the ground. She looked...dead. Newton was looking around nervously, guiltily.

"Bella?" I called out, making my way to them as quickly as I dared. She didn't respond.

"What's wrong -- is she hurt?" I turned to Newton. My presence didn't help his nerves. He hurried through some explanation about her fainting. I made more sense of the words in his head. Looks like I wasn't the only one who should have avoided blood typing today.

"Bella." I knelt down beside her, leaning towards her ear. "Can you hear me?"

"No" She sounded like she looked. "Go away."

I chuckled. She really was the most stubborn person I knew. But at least she was ok.

"I was taking her to the nurse," Newton interjected, "but she wouldn't go any farther." He seemed to be trying to explain himself. He must have noticed the look I gave him as I approached. I had wanted him to understand that he would pay if he had hurt her.

I smiled wickedly. Newton wasn't going to like me much after this. Not that he liked me all that much now.

"I'll take her. You can go back to class."

"No," he protested immediately, "I'm supposed to do it."

I wasn't really listening. I scooped Bella off the sidewalk and headed towards the nurse's office. I wished I could hold her a little more closely -- for Newton's sake-- but her smell was intoxicating enough as it was. My thirst burned in my throat. I didn't dare risk it. Regardless, Newton's thoughts turned venomous.

"Hey!" He gave one last protest. I turned my attention to Bella.

"You look awful." It was true. She hadn't really regained any color and she was making the most dreadful face. Like any moment she might barf.

"Put me back on the sidewalk." She moaned. I ignored her protests. I kind of liked the way she felt in my arms.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" I pondered aloud. How ironic -- she and I shared a common weakness in blood-- although, not exactly in the same way. Fainting wasn't exactly my problem.

"And not even your own blood." I continued my train of thought.

I carried her into the office, explaining the situation to the nurse as I carried Bella to the side room, putting her down on the only cot.

The nurse started assessing Bella, asking her questions. I stood against the back wall, watching.

"Does this happen a lot?" the nurse was asking Bella.

"Sometimes." She admitted weakly. Knowing she wasn't in any real danger -- I couldn't help but laugh. I tried to cover it with a cough.

"You can go back to class now." The nurse obviously wasn't pleased with my sense of humor.

"I'm supposed to stay with her." Her thoughts debated for a moment but she let the subject drop. She left the room, saying something about ice for Bella.

"You were right," Bella was addressing me now, although she closed her eyes. How many times had I longed to hear those words come out of her mouth? Of course, I was never actually right during any of those times.

"I usually am -- but about what in particular this time?" I replied.

"Ditching _is_ healthy." It was an innocent enough comment. Yet, true on so many levels for her. I couldn't believe I thought for a minute that I might not be her biggest threat -- that Newton had been the one to cause her demise.

"You scared me for a minute there," I began reluctantly, afraid that she would understand more of my explanation than I wanted her to. The fact that she could invoke fear in me at all was no small testament to the depth of my feelings for her. "I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha." She replied sarcastically. Her color was improving but she still had a putrid green tint to her skin.

"Honestly -- I've seen corpses with better color." Maybe that was a poor word choice -- I hurried on. "I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder."

Well, that part might have been nice actually. Still, I would take the swap any day. I could deal with Newton's existence -- as long as he could keep his hands off Bella in the future.

"Poor Mike. I'll bet he's mad."

I couldn't help but smile, remembering Newton's thoughts. "He absolutely loathes me."

"You can't know that." Bella argued.

"I saw his face -- I could tell," I replied matter-of-factly. His feelings _were_ written all over his face. I just happened to prefer the more direct approach.

"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching?" She inquired suspiciously.

"I was in my car, listening to a CD." It was true enough. I had just omitted my reason for being there, and my reason for leaving the car.

Just then the nurse returned with a compress for Bella. Bella wanted to get up but the nurse objected. It didn't last long -- the next patient was already coming through the door. Bella hopped up and we pressed against the wall to make space in the tiny room.

I could smell the blood before I saw it.

"Oh no," I muttered to myself. "Go out to the office, Bella."

She looked up at me, perplexed.

"Trust me -- go." I was truly only worried about a relapse in her condition -- thanks to my impromptu hunting trip the night before. Still, I really didn't like taking unnecessary risks.

Surprisingly, she went out the door without any more resistance.

"You actually listened to me." I couldn't hide the shock in my voice as I followed her out the door.

"I smelled the blood." She responded, wrinkling her nose. She must be mistaken.

"People can't smell blood." I contradicted her.

"Well, I can -- that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust...and salt." I stared at her, too stunned to speak for a moment. Her description was accurate, if a little lacking. Like a newborn vampire who hadn't learned to differentiate the subtle aromas yet.

"What?" She was studying me.

"It's nothing." I filed the information away, for future examination.

Newton came back out through the door with a look of pure hatred on his face. I suppressed a satisfied grin. He turned to Bella.

"_You_ look better." I didn't like his tone but I decided to stay out of it. As long as he kept his distance.

"Just keep you hand in your pocket." Bella warned him.

"It's not bleeding anymore," he muttered. "Are you going back to class?" I almost glared at him. He would like that. I debated intervening.

"Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back." Bella was a step ahead of me.

"Yeah, I guess... So are you going this weekend? To the beach?" He flashed another glare at me but I was too busy searching his thoughts to care. What was he talking about? Where did he think Bella was going with him this weekend?

"Sure, I said I was in." To my dismay, she answered affirmatively. I stopped listening to their conversation, focusing on digging the details out of Newton's head instead. At least it appeared to be a group trip. Still, the thought of her going anywhere with Newton, no matter how many people were involved, irritated me. Maybe I would just have to tag along.

"I'll see you in Gym, then." Newton was still pouting but at least he was leaving.

"See you." Bella replied. Her voice almost sounded...sympathetic. Newton had gotten to her. I suppressed a scowl, moving to her side.

"Gym." Bella groaned to herself unhappily.

"I can take care of that." I jumped at the chance to replace her time with Newton with my own. "Go sit down and look pale."

She complied. I moved to the counter, smiling at my good fortune that it was still Ms. Cope behind it. She seemed particularly susceptible to my charms. As expected, she put up no resistance to excusing Bella from Gym.

"You feel better, Bella." She called maternally, although her thoughts towards me had been anything but maternal. I tried to block her uncensored fantasies from my head.

Bella helped distract me. I almost laughed out loud at her pathetic little nod. I told her to look pale, not like she was dying.

"Can you walk, or do you need me to carry you again?" I asked her sarcastically, turning my back on Ms. Cope.

"I'll walk," she shot me a warning glance. I held the door for her, still grinning at her over-the-top performance.

"Thanks. It's almost worth getting sick to miss Gym." She was saying. I wondered briefly what she had against Gym but decided to let it drop.

"Anytime." I replied simply. I was more concerned about her upcoming trip with Newton but I didn't know how to bring it up without seeming like I was prying.

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" She broached the topic for me.

"Where are you going exactly?" I pretended to be only mildly interested. I was simultaneously pondering the potential hazards of me going to the beach with a bunch of humans.

"Down to La Push, to First Beach." So much for that idea. I would not, under any circumstances, be setting foot in the Quileutes' territory.

"I really don't think I was invited." I answered dryly. Newton had done everything but verbally stated as much.

Bella sighed. "I just invited you."

I was happy that she wanted me there. But it was still impossible.

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." Actually, Newton going over the deep end would be a perfect solution to my problem. I wonder how much it would take to push him over...

"Mike-schmike." Bella interrupted my fantasy.

We had reached the parking lot and Bella started to veer off in the direction of her truck. I grabbed a handful of her jacket, impeding her progress.

"Where do you think you're going?" I faked outrage, refusing to release her. As long as Bella was stubbornly refusing to acknowledge what I had told her at lunch, there was something I wanted to experience. I wanted to see what Bella looked like in the passenger seat of my car -- just like in Alice's vision. I wanted to know if it could really be as gratifying as I imagined.

"I'm going home," she answered bewildered.

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" I scolded.

"What condition? And what about my truck?" She was arguing with me but I had already started dragging her towards my car.

"I'll have Alice drop it off after school." I replied. That might take some finesse considering I had no idea what Alice was feeling towards me right now, but I felt sure I could manage it...somehow.

"Let go!" She protested but I continued to drag her along by her jacket, only releasing her once we had reached the passenger door of the Volvo.

"You are so _pushy_!" She grumbled angrily. I ignored her.

"It's open," I called out, climbing into the driver's seat. Bella continued to stand outside, protesting.

I lowered the passenger side window. No way was I giving in now -- I was so close.

"Get in, Bella." I ordered this time. As usual, it didn't work on her. She continued to hesitate at the door. I could see her visually calculating the distance to her truck.

"I'll just drag you back," I warned. Finally, she gave in, climbing into the passenger seat.

"This is completely unnecessary," she grumbled, annoyed.

I suppressed a smile. Having her here was better than I imagined it would be. It felt so...natural.

I adjusted the controls to reflect more human friendly conditions before pulling out of the parking lot.

"Clair de Lune?" Her voice reflected the surprise I felt. I hadn't noticed what CD I had in.

"You know Debussy?" He was so far before her time. He was before my time even. He had died the same year I had been created.

"Not well" she explained. "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house -- I only know my favorites."

"He's one of my favorites, too." I found the similarities in our taste amusing. I was several decades her senior yet we could find common ground in Debussy. Everything about Bella was a surprise it seemed. It made me want to know more about her. About her childhood, her parents, her entire life up to this point in time.

"What is your mother like?" I started simply, studying her as I asked.

"She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier. I have too much Charlie in me."

The comment on her looks made me realize I had never stopped to really look at her before. Not in that way -- on an entirely physical level, completely separate from her mental attributes. My eyes ran over her familiar, deep brown eyes and heart-shaped face, framed with long, thick locks of dark-brown hair. She was quite beautiful I decided. Not in the breath-taking way that Rosalie was, but in a much more subtle, lasting way. Her beauty had a timeless quality to it, like it shone from within.

"She's more outgoing than I am, and braver." She continued to describe her mother without pause. "She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." A touch of sadness crept into her voice near the end. I surmised that is was hard for her, being so far away from her mother.

I also decided that Bella sounded nothing like any other human teenager I had ever been in contact with. Most people at her age whined about their parents, pouting about how over-bearing and non-sympathetic they were. Bella's description of her mom almost sounded like she was the adult and her mother was the child, instead of the other way around. She had the lovingly critical eye of a parent.

"How old are you, Bella?" I asked, annoyed that her answer had only deepened the mystery of her.

"I'm seventeen." She responded, obviously confused by my line of questioning.

"You don't seem seventeen." I didn't mean to reproach her, but it came out that way regardless.

She laughed -- the first time she had ever done so in my presence. The sound was musical. It instantly lifted my mood.

"What?" I asked.

"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." She laughed again but followed it with a sigh. "Well, someone has to be the adult."

I pondered her expression for a moment. She didn't seem as sad now -- just resigned.

"You don't seem much like a junior in high school yourself," she turned the conversation around on me. I made a face and asked another question instead of answering.

"So why did your mother marry Phil?" She seemed surprised that I had brought him up. I wondered if it was a sensitive subject. She hadn't seemed unwilling to talk about him the last time his name came up. Still, I couldn't be sure of my judgment then. So much had changed about the way I viewed Bella since that conversation.

"My mother...she's very young for her age." Bella responded finally. "I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him." She shook her head but didn't say any more.

"Do you approve?" I prodded gently, still confused about her hesitance to really discuss their relationship.

"Does it matter?" She countered. "I want her to be happy...and he is who she wants."

"That's very generous...I wonder," I mused aloud, trailing off.

"What?" She didn't let it drop.

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" Or what? I couldn't resist asking the question, although I omitted the last part. I gazed intently in her eyes, searching for her response.

"I-I think so," she stumbled unconvincingly over the words. "But she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different."

"No one too scary then," I teased her. And certainly no vampires.

She grinned. "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercing and extensive tattoos?"

"That's one definition, I suppose." A very human one and not exactly the one I was thinking of.

"What's your definition?" She perceived the thought behind my comment. I wasn't inclined to answer it at the moment. Again, I asked another question instead.

"Do you think that _I_ could be scary?" I couldn't resist asking, even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer. Still, I wanted to hear it from her lips.

"Hmmm...I think you _could_ be, if you wanted to." She replied after a moment.

"Are you frightened of me now?" Her reply had left something to be desired. She certainly didn't look frightened of me. I didn't understand how she could sit there so calmly, as if I were just another _normal_ person.

"No." Her response was immediate. Too immediate. It made me doubt the sincerity of it. Perhaps she was afraid after all -- just really good at hiding her fear. Fear was good. Fear was normal.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family? It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine." Probably to her, but I wasn't planning on going into the really interesting parts.

"What do you want to know?" I asked guardedly, refusing to volunteer anything.

"The Cullens adopted you?" She began.

"Yes."

"What happened to your parents?"

"They died many years ago." I answered routinely.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled. Humans always got sentimental about that sort of thing.

"I don't really remember them that clearly. Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now." I tried to ease her discomfort.

"And you love them." I smiled at the matter-of-fact tone in her voice. It pleased me that she could see how much Carlisle and Esme meant to me.

"Yes. I couldn't imagine two better people."

"You're very lucky." More lucky than she could ever know.

"I know I am."

"And your brother and sister?" I had forgotten about them. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. School would be letting out soon. It would not be helpful if they sat around wondering where I was.

"My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me." I sighed internally. I suppose it was well enough -- I wasn't sure how long I could sidestep her inquiries.

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go." She actually seemed a little disappointed to be getting out of the car. I would have thought she would be eager to escape by now. I had quite literally forced her to ride with me after all.

"And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident." I encouraged, grinning.

"I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks." She sighed. I laughed harshly. I really hope that isn't true.

"Have fun at the beach...good weather for sunbathing." Alice had seen it was going to be nice this weekend so I would be avoiding the public eye. It was a good opportunity to go hunting. It seemed like that's all I did these days.

"Won't I see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early." That was the plan anyway. There was a chance after my stunt with Bella at lunch today that Emmett, and everyone else for that matter, would have nothing to do with me.

"What are you going to do?" Her voice sounded disappointed again. She really had a thing against my skipping school didn't she?

I explained to her about Emmett and my plan to go hiking. It wasn't technically a lie -- there would be hiking involved. I just failed to mention that hiking wasn't exactly the point of the excursion.

"Oh, well, have fun."

I grinned at what she was unknowingly saying to me. Knowing Emmett, fun was practically a given for this trip. Then something occurred to me...

"Will you do something for me this weekend?" I stared her straight in the eyes, willing her to see the seriousness of what I was asking. "Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So...try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" I smiled, knowing she would be offended anyway.

"I'll see what I can do." She snapped back, jumping out of the car and slamming the door behind her.

Oh well. It wouldn't have seemed right if she didn't leave angrily I suppose. I drove reluctantly back to school to face my family...again.


	7. Chapters 6 and 7

**So this is the part of the story where Bella does some of her research/soul searching which makes for super short chapters for Edward. Hence, the combination of chapter 6 and 7. These are not my favorite Edward chapters. Stuff happens with him, but not really a whole lot that is relevant to the overall story. In other words, please bear with me through this posting because Port Angeles is up next and it should be much better!**

* * *

Chapter 6: Scary Stories and Chapter 7: Nightmare

I made it back to school just as Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, and Alice were reaching the parking lot. I pulled around to pick the four of them up but only Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett climbed in. Alice went skipping off in the direction of Bella's truck. I rolled down the window and tossed her the keys I had lifted off Bella when the idea to drive her home occurred to me -- just in case she did somehow manage to make it to her truck. Alice caught the keys mid-stride. I couldn't fully comprehend the look on her face but she didn't look upset. I'm sure we would talk about it later.

Rosalie on the other hand, definitely did look upset, but no one said anything during the short drive home. As soon as I pulled into the garage, Rosalie was up and out of the car. I shot Emmett a confused look. It wasn't like Rosalie to hold her tongue when something bothered her.

Emmett shrugged. "I guess this whole Bella thing is really eating at her." He grinned apologetically.

"And yourself -- how do you feel about it?" I asked cautiously. His thoughts answered me first, but he spoke the words aloud anyway.

"Personally, Edward, I don't get it. I mean, why her? What makes her so special?" His tone suggested only curiosity.

"It's hard to explain." I hesitated, looking for the words. "At first, it was simply the smell of her blood. I've never experienced anything like it." I shook my head, not sure how to continue.

"I think I understand that part." Emmett offered, sensing my struggle. "I've had a similar experience before... twice actually. One time it was so strong I thought I would go crazy from it."

"What happened?"

He just shook his head. He didn't have to say anything -- I could see how it played out in his mind. It didn't end well -- either time.

"Things were different then." He mumbled sympathetically, seeing my face drop.

I turned to Jasper, partly to hide my disappointment from Emmett. Jasper hadn't moved from his spot in the back seat. He met my gaze, understanding the question in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Edward; I don't understand any of it. I can't say that I've ever had one person stick out to me more than any other. They all smell irresistible to me." He grinned slightly but it quickly faded.

I nodded, contemplating the best way to explain the evolution of my feelings for Bella. I really didn't understand that part too well myself.

"Well, that's how it started anyway. But it's different now. I mean, her smell is still... over-whelming. But there's something else too. I think...I mean...I'm in love with her." I rushed through the words. Suddenly, I felt very awkward about opening up to Emmett and Jasper. I almost wished Jasper would step in and relieve my discomfort.

But Jasper just looked at me wide-eyed from the back seat. His thoughts told me that Alice had mentioned something of the like to him, but he hadn't really believed her.

Emmett let out a booming laugh. "You got some weird taste brother, but if you can make it work, more power to you." He slapped me hard on the back.

"Yeah, well, I never said she felt the same way." I mumbled, still feeling awkward. Emmett just let out another laugh.

"Don't worry about it --this weekend will take your mind off your problems. It'll be just you and me and some grizzlies -- no broads allowed. Unless, of course, you want to invite her." He jumped out of the car, just barely missing my punch. He continued to laugh. I got out of the car, contemplating retaliation.

Just then, Alice came bounding into the garage, hair glistening with rain.

"Edward, I thought I would never get that truck to Bella's house. And the radio -- it has got to be older than _you_!" Alice announced melodramatically, bounding right up to the car the three of us were emerging from.

She shot us a suspicious look. "What I'd miss?"

"Oh, nothing. Edward and I were just talking about our hunting trip this weekend. It's going to be a good time." Emmett grinned at me.

I grinned back. I didn't exactly share his sentiment about the trip but there was no need to share my reservations with him. I didn't like the thought of leaving Bella alone all weekend, especially with the likes of Mike Newton, but I didn't really see that I had much of a choice. As long as I was going to be near Bella, I needed to hunt, and the small game in the park wasn't going to do the job. I needed bigger prey.

Sensing that Alice's presence had ended my conversation with Emmett and Jasper, I turned to walk into the house. Not surprisingly, Alice followed me into the living room. I sat down at the piano and began playing a melody that had been in my head for the past day.

"You promised you would explain everything." Alice spoke in a low voice, despite the music.

In her head, I saw me asking her to take Bella's truck home, promising to explain things if she would do me this one favor. It hardly seemed fair for her to hold me to a promise I had not actually made, but I knew it was useless. I would have made it, had it been necessary.

I shrugged. "What is there to explain? I tried keeping my distance from her. It didn't work. But you know that." Alice's thoughts were better informed than I had anticipated. What she hadn't directly _seen_, she had pieced together intuitively. There really was nothing to explain.

"You know this changes nothing." She replied but she didn't seem upset. Quite the opposite, she seemed very excited about something. I tried to dig the source out of her head but she was keeping her thoughts carefully unfocused.

"I know." The possibility of Bella's death was still just as valid an outcome as ever. Otherwise, the vision would have disappeared from Alice's sight.

"So..." Her eyes sparkled mischievously. "When do I get to meet her?" Alice was bouncing up and down now. So this was what she was so excited about. She actually thought I was going to let her hang out with Bella.

I stared at her incredulously. "Alice," I kept my voice low, "please _try_ to be reasonable."

She stopped bouncing, her face drawing up in a pout in response to my disapproving tone.

"Look Alice, you know that's not possible right now -- maybe not ever. I'm sure I'm overwhelming enough for her. She'll probably be damaged for life as it is... however short a life that may be." I mumbled the last part.

Alice was glaring at me now but her eyes still sparkled with excitement. I could tell she didn't fully believe what I said, even if she did understand the logic.

"Fine. But you can't keep her from me forever Edward." She glared for a brief moment more before bounding up the stairs, gleeful again. "Have fun hunting this weekend!" She called down from the top before disappearing down the hallway. I rolled my eyes.

As I sat alone in front of the piano, it occurred to me where the inspiration for the melody I was playing came from. It reminded of the sound of Bella's heart.

* * *

I wish I could say that my hunting trip with Emmett had been just what I needed -- that I had forgotten all about my worries for the weekend. The truth was, the further we drove away from Forks, the more anxious I felt. I imagined a hundred different scenarios, each involving Bella's demise. First, she fell into the ocean and drowned, just because I told her not to. Then she was run over in another freak car accident. Then Mike made a move on her and snapped when she rejected him and dragged her body down the beach. Then... the scenarios just kept coming, each more horrifying than the last.

Emmett definitely noticed my distraction. At first, he just gave me funny looks whenever I froze in place, falling off the trail of the bear I was supposed to be tracking. But when he had to snatch me out of the way of a grizzly swipe for the second time, he actually let out an exasperated hiss and stalked off in the other direction.

Not that the trip didn't have its pleasant moments. One example occurred after we had been stalking a female grizzly all night, waiting for it to lead us back to its den. We needed to make sure we wouldn't be leaving any stranded cubs behind by taking her. Finally, she led us to a deep overhang in the rock face, disappearing into the darkness underneath. Excitement emanated off of Emmett as he stalked toward the entrance.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a second bear appeared from the side, catching Emmett completely off guard for a second. It was just a cub but it was acting in the most irrational manner. Perhaps it was trying to attack him, but from my position it looked like it was actually trying to snuggle Emmett. I knew Emmett could look like a bear to people -- but to be mistaken for a grizzly by an actual cub... I couldn't help but laugh out loud. The look of confusion on Emmett's face as he tried to dodge the mother's protective advances while warding off the overly-friendly cub had me paralyzed with hysterics. When he finally disengaged himself from the situation, he shot me a look that suggested he wished he had let one of the earlier bears swipe my arm off. But then he couldn't help but laugh too. Emmett never could hold a grudge.

Still, the minute we crossed back into the Forks city limits on Sunday night, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. It had been a long three days. I'm sure Emmett felt equally relieved to be rid of me. Now that we were back, I did feel a little bit guilty for not being a better hunting partner. I would have to make it up to him next time... if he ever let me hunt with him again.

As soon as we were parked in the garage, I began to seek out Alice. I found her and Jasper in her room, listening to music. I think I might have interrupted a moment, Jasper was looking a little perturbed by my intrusion, but I ignored him and focused on Alice.

Alice smirked back, not needing me to ask the question burning in my eyes. "She's fine Edward. I swear -- you're the only vampire I know who could actually give himself a migraine." She snorted. "Of course, if you don't believe me, we could always go over there and check on her in person." Ridiculously, a glimmer of hope actually lit up in her eyes.

I gave her a low hiss of disapproval, although it lacked any real threat. I felt too relieved knowing Bella was safe.

Still, the idea of seeing her in person was very appealing. I glanced out the window at the faint glimmer of first light. It was almost morning. She would be getting up soon. I'd better not take the chance. I sighed and left the room, preparing to spend the day at home. The weather was going to be too nice to go to school.

* * *

It was early afternoon by the time I gave in and decided to go see Bella. Not like a house call -- I didn't have to talk to her. I just needed to see her.

I was further from her house than I expected when I first crossed her scent trail. This trail was old, maybe a day or so. It unnerved me a bit that she had been wandering in the woods alone. Probably because my inner demon had lulled its ugly head the moment her smell hit me. I wasn't sure what would have happened if I had actually met up with her alone in the shady forest. Or worse, if someone else had come across her while I was out hunting with Emmett. I shook the feeling off, knowing she was fine, and continued towards her house.

I was surprised to cross her fragrance again as I reached the edge of the forest, stopping short of entering the clearing of her back yard. This scent was fresher than the one in the forest had been. She was near. My eyes scanned the yard, landing on her figure stretched out on a blanket in the middle of the lawn.

I inspected the house, listening for any sign of Charlie's presence. He wasn't home yet. Bella was alone. Carefully, staying along the perimeter of the forest, I crept towards the spot where she lay motionless on her back. When I had gotten as close as I dared, I stopped and listened. I heard the slow in-and-out pace of her breathing, and familiar, steady heart rhythm. Bella was asleep.

I watched her, sleeping in her little patch of sunshine, looking as peaceful as she always did when she slept. She must look like this all the time in Phoenix, where the sun shined perpetually, and there were no love-struck vampires tormenting her.

Too soon it seemed, the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling in the driveway woke her up. The sun had long since ducked behind the trees, and she looked about, disoriented for a moment.

"Charlie?" she called softly. I wondered who else she would have been expecting. She jumped up abruptly and headed into the house.

I continued to wait while Bella fixed dinner and while she and Charlie watched television afterwards.

"Dad," Bella unexpectedly addressed her father during a commercial break. "Jessica and Angela are going to look at dresses for the dance tomorrow night in Port Angeles, and they wanted me to help them choose... do you mind if I go with them?"

Charlie's thoughts immediately turned suspicious. Not about her plan to go to Port Angeles, but her motivation behind it. He was certain some guy was involved. He started giving her the third degree even though he had already decided to let her go. I stopped listening.

The thought of Bella going to Port Angeles launched a new round of anxiety in me. She was going to leave Forks, leave me. I tried to calm my thoughts. I was being irrational. Port Angeles was a small touristy town not too far from Forks. And she was only going for a few hours -- and not even alone. How much trouble could she get in? I didn't feel any calmer.

Even watching Bella sleep that night didn't help ease my nerves -- not even when she started talking -- mostly about Phoenix and how rainy Forks was. Apparently, I was right about her missing the sunshine. And she said my name a couple of more times. I'm sure I was linked with the things she thought were wrong about Forks.

I mentally cursed the sun starting to peek over the horizon as I ran back home the next morning. It was going to be another sunny day, which meant another day I would be absent from school. At least at school, I might have had a chance of talking her out of going to Port Angeles tonight. Now it would be impossible.

I walked through the front door of my house, weighing my options. Alice and Esme looked up as I walked into the living room.

"You're going to Port Angeles?" Alice's eyes lit up. "Yay! I've been wanting to get some new clothes, now that the weather is warming up." She squealed.

"It's not that kind of trip." I mumbled at her, turning to head upstairs. Esme shot me a confused look as Alice began to pout but I ignored her.

"There aren't any cute clothes shops in Port Angeles anyway." Alice declared, but continued to pout anyway. I rolled my eyes at her as I continued up the stairs.

Alice was right of course, I was going to Port Angeles.


	8. Chapter 8

**It's a two for one special! My loyal reviewers know that it is very uncommon for me to release two chapters in the same week. I just don't work that fast. But the last chapters were so short and I couldn't help but dive into the Port Angeles scene -- one of my personal favorites from Twilight. I hope I did it justice.**

* * *

Chapter 8 -- Port Angeles

That afternoon, I waited in the forest outside of Bella's house until she and Jessica pulled out of the driveway, heading towards Angela's house. Just in case they changed their minds. After I watched them round the corner at the end of the street, I ran back to retrieve my Volvo. I wasn't worried about their head start; I would catch up soon enough.

I trailed Jessica's white Mercury all the way to Port Angeles, careful to stay a couple of miles back to avoid being spotted. I passed by the parking lot of the department store where they stopped, parking a few streets over. It was still too bright to risk leaving the safety of my tinted windows, so instead I put on a CD and waited.

Every now and then I checked on their progress through Jessica's thoughts. Her opinions were pettier than normal as she and Angela tried on dresses, but it was the easiest way for me to keep tabs on Bella. I hated to admit that the sound of Jessica's mind had become all too familiar to me -- ever since Bella had arrived in Forks.

Sitting in my car in this quaint tourist town, listening to the mind of a girl who irritated the hell out of me, I started to feel a little ridiculous. Still, I couldn't shake my anxiety enough to turn around and go home.

Trying to distract myself, I checked in with Jessica again. She was chatting away with Angela about how weird it was that Bella wasn't going to the dance. She was talking about her as if she wasn't there. Then I realized it was because she _wasn't_ there. Bella had separated from the two of them at some point. A spike of panic shot through me. Where had she gone?

"I hope she finds some good books at that bookstore," Jessica continued spitefully. "They're going to be her only company if she keeps turning down every guy that asks her out."

Bookstore. I dug the specifics out of Jessica's thoughts and pulled out of my parking spot. I cruised the streets slowly, looking for the bookstore, half-afraid I might run in to Bella in the process. How would I explain my being in Port Angeles?

A couple of blocks over, I spotted the storefront I had seen in Jessica's mind. But I didn't need the image to know that Bella had been here. Her fragrance wafted in through the car's AC. There was no mistaking the smell or the intense thirst that answered it. Her scent trail was fairly fresh, and leading away from the bookstore. She hadn't gone in.

I continued to cruise the streets, scanning through the random thoughts of the people I encountered -- looking for anyone who had come in contact with Bella. I was outraged by her choice to head off alone in a strange city. And of course, she was heading the wrong way. She would have to turn around eventually.

Following her scent, I weaved up and down the quiet streets, listening to the thoughts of strangers. The sun was setting now. I contemplated getting out and continuing the search on foot. It didn't matter to me now that I would likely run into her on the street. I'd think of some excuse.

Then I saw her face in his mind...her body...the look of fear in her eye. He liked it. It made him feel powerful. My fury ignited as I saw his plan for her -- the plan he had already set in motion.

I slammed on the gas. He was only a couple of streets over. I would kill him. Him and his cohorts. They would never lay a finger on her.

I swerved around the corner, taking aim at the man closest to me. He would die first. Then I saw her, feet spread, with a look of intense concentration on her face. The look only lasted the second it took her to register my headlights. She leapt out in front of me. I yanked the handbrake, causing the car to fish-tail around, and opened the passenger door for her.

"Get in." I didn't even try to hide the fury in my voice. She didn't hesitate, climbing into the car and slamming the door.

I spun the car around, taking aim at the men once again. They managed to achieve the sidewalk before I reached full speed. It took every ounce of determination in my body to keep driving forward -- away from the four perpetrators. I wanted nothing more than to splatter their bodies all over the street. But I wasn't sure what it would do to Bella if she watched me kill four strangers in front of her. And I wasn't sure I would be satisfied with simply running them over.

"Put on your seatbelt." I instructed her as I accelerated away from the scene, unsure how long my willpower would hold out. She was clinging to the seat for dear life.

"Are you okay?" Her voice sounded far away -- like she was speaking to me from under water.

"No." I forced the words through my fury. I was blind with rage, and had long since stopped seeing the road in front of me. I brought the car to an abrupt stop, needing every mental capacity to fight for control. We were well outside the city limits now.

"Bella?" I strained to keep my voice from shaking, to keep from frightening her further.

"Yes?" The fear in her voice was still there.

"Are you all right?" My fury was further fueled by the knowledge that those men had forced me to show this side to her. They were the ones who meant her harm but it was me she feared now.

"Yes." The word was barely above a whisper.

My thoughts were trapped in a vicious cycle... her face in his thoughts...his sadistic plan...my car... their blood...

"Distract me, please." I pleaded with her but the strain in my voice made it sound like a command. I couldn't break free. I was dangerously close to turning around.

"I'm sorry, what?"

There was no point in me considering going back. I couldn't take Bella back with me and I couldn't just leave her on the side of the road. So no matter how unworthy those perverted brutes were of being allowed to take in even one more breathe...

I exhaled, trying to vent the over-whelming fury. I felt like I was going to snap.

"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down." I forced the words out, aware of the razor sharp edge to my tone. It wasn't directed at her. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to force out the image I had extracted from that vile creature's head.

"Um." She seemed to be thinking. "I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?"

Her tone was asking for my approval on the subject. I tried to force a smile at the thought that I was right -- running people over was Bella's answer to everything. I couldn't remember what it felt like to feel humor.

"Why?" I encouraged her to continue. The thought of Bella running Tyler over had led me right back to my desire to run over that despicable scum I had left back in Port Angeles. If only it were a few decades earlier. I would have had no reservations about wiping them off the face of the earth...

"He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom." Bella's hurried words were breaking through again, "Either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last... well, you remember it, and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren..." She ranted on.

I did remember how smug Tyler's thoughts had been when he thought he had tricked Bella into going to prom with him. I knew she would be furious.

"I heard about that." I interrupted her venting.

"_You_ did?" She asked in disbelief. "If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to the prom either," she continued, fuming.

Focusing for the first time on Bella's anger instead of my own, it struck me that despite my own personal internal struggle for control, she seemed fine. Better than fine -- she was contemplating her revenge on Tyler over some trivial dance while I was picturing ripping apart...

I sighed and opened my eyes.

"Better?" She sounded concerned.

"Not really." At least I _sounded_ more in control now. I stared up at the ceiling, still struggling against the waves of fury that racked my body.

"What's wrong?" She whispered.

"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella." I whispered the words back. "But it _wouldn't_ be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those..." my voice gained volume as I spoke, before my fury closed down my throat. It wouldn't be helpful for Bella. I was pretty sure it _would_ be helpful for me...and perhaps for society at large. "At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself." I added weakly.

"Oh." She sat silently while I continued to battle for control.

"Jessica and Angela will be worried. I was supposed to meet them." Bella spoke quietly after a minute, seemingly afraid to disrupt my internal struggle.

Without a word, I started the car and began to head back towards Port Angeles.

Just to deliver Bella -- not because I am going to track down those good for nothing invalids... I struggled on.

Jessica and Angela were just walking away as we pulled up to the restaurant from which Jessica's thoughts were radiating.

"How did you know where...?" Bella started to ask but apparently changed her mind. I couldn't worry about that at the moment.

It occurred to me that if I let Bella go with Jessica and Angela, my only valid excuse not to hunt down her would-be attackers would go with her. Willpower alone would not save me from this murderous path. I needed Bella.

I opened the door, clinging to my last hope for a nonviolent resolution.

"What are you doing?" Bella seemed alarmed by my sudden movement.

"I'm taking you to dinner." I think I smiled but I couldn't be sure -- I was drowning out my anger with numbness. I refused to feel anything.

I proceeded to get out of the car and waited as Bella struggled to meet me on the sidewalk.

I cut her off before she could protest. "Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too. I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again."

I needed to keep my mind blank -- to keep the voices unfocused. It would be too easy to focus in on his voice -- it would only be a matter of minutes from there. I couldn't even risk listening to Jessica or Angela now. Bella would have to handle them.

"Jess! Angela!" Bella yelled at her retreating friends. They turned around and headed back towards our position on the sidewalk.

"Where have you been?" Jessica's voice was suspicious. I didn't need to hear her thoughts, I could imagine the theories she was cooking up in her mind. It wasn't too challenging to keep my mind unfocused around Jessica.

"I got lost. And then I ran into Edward." Bella drew me into the conversation.

"Would it be all right if I joined you?" The numbness had smoothed out my voice.

"Er...sure." Jessica replied. Her expression was lost on me. I stared through her.

"Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting -- sorry." Angela apologized.

"That's fine -- I'm not hungry." Bella replied.

I almost smirked. Nice try.

"I think you should eat something." I spoke in a low tone to Bella, trying to get her to understand it wasn't really an option -- for my sake.

"Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight? That way you won't have to wait while she eats." I addressed Jessica before Bella could argue with me.

"Uh, no problem, I guess..." Jessica stared at Bella. I couldn't read Bella's expression from my position, but whatever was there, it convinced Angela.

"Okay." Angela started to drag Jessica in the direction of their car. "See you tomorrow, Bella... Edward."

I actually felt a wave of relief, watching them drive away. Ironically, Bella was protecting _me_ this time -- from myself.

"Honestly, I'm not hungry," she turned on me.

It occurred to me that maybe the reason she was taking all of this so well was because she was going into shock. Suddenly dinner wasn't just a cover for keeping her with me.

"Humor me." I said simply, walking to the front of the restaurant. I held the door open for her. She stood on the sidewalk for a moment, like she might argue some more, before walking through the door with a resigned sigh.

I almost smiled. Maybe her fearing me wasn't so bad right now -- she seemed to have surrendered for the moment.

"A table for two?" I asked the waitress, barely turning my attention from Bella. I was watching her for any unusual changes in behavior. She didn't seem to have any problems focusing. In fact, she seemed to be scrutinizing the hostess.

Of course, the hostess led us to a table in the middle of the most crowded part of the restaurant. Didn't they know better than to put a murderously angry vampire right in the middle of their human patrons?

"Perhaps something more private?" I almost sighed the request, handing her a bill I had pulled quickly from my pocket. I hadn't bothered to check the amount.

"Sure." She sounded surprised but led us around to a booth in an empty portion of the floor. "How's this?"

"Perfect." I smiled at her, hoping my obvious pleasure would dismiss her more quickly.

She stumbled over something about our server before turning at last to leave us alone.

"You really shouldn't do that to people." Bella scolded me as I slid into the booth. "It's hardly fair."

I mentally scanned through the last few minutes, trying to figure out how I had offended her. Surely refusing a table wasn't that big a deal.

"Do what?" I asked, unable to come up with anything.

"Dazzle them like that -- she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

Dazzle. What did that mean? Who did I dazzle? And how?

"Oh, come on," My silence prompted her to continue. "You _have_ to know the effect you have on people."

I was beginning to get a hint of what she meant. Most people were surprisingly easy to persuade. But I hadn't done anything just now to intentionally...dazzle anyone. Slipping someone a tip was hardly dazzling.

"I dazzle people?" I watched closely for her reaction. Maybe she was just feeling light headed... probably from the shock.

"You haven't noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?" It was hard for me to decipher her opinion on my perceived ability so I decided to ignore the comment. I wanted to know something else.

"Do I dazzle _you_?" I thought back to all the arguments we had and her stubborn refusal to do anything I wanted. What good was dazzling people if it didn't work on her?

"Frequently." She admitted. I opened my mouth to protest but our server arrived at that exact moment.

The girl was asking for our drink order. I turned to Bella.

"I'll have a Coke." She sounded like she was asking me. Anything but water was fine with me. She needed sugar.

"Two Cokes." I answered the waitress but kept my attention on Bella. She didn't look pale either... well any paler than normal.

"What?" She squirmed under my scrutiny.

"How are you feeling?" I asked seriously.

"I'm fine."

"You don't feel dizzy, sick, cold...?"

"Should I?"

Of course not. Not Bella. No threat, human or otherwise could shake her.

I chuckled darkly.

"Well, I'm actually waiting for you to go into shock." I smiled at her, wondering how she would react to my admission.

She sat silently for a moment. I worried briefly that my mentioning the possibly had opened the door to its reality. Her breathing did seem a little labored.

"I don't think that will happen," she started slowly. "I've always been good at repressing unpleasant things." She sounded pleased with herself. I had to admit, it probably was an advantageous quality for Bella to have -- given her recent track record of disastrous events.

"Just the same, I'll feel better when you have some sugar and food in you." I replied.

As if summoned, the waitress appeared with our drinks and a basket of breadsticks. Then she turned to ask for our food order.

"Bella?" I asked, almost daring her to repeat that she wasn't hungry. I'd order the whole menu if I had to.

"Um...I'll have the mushroom ravioli." Again, she put up no resistance.

"And you?" The waitress turned to me.

"Nothing for me." I waved her off. I waited for her to finish talking and retreat before addressing Bella again.

"Drink." I ordered, testing her submission. She complied, emptying the entire glass without a pause. I could almost smell the sugar hitting her bloodstream. I pushed my full glass towards her.

"Thanks." She muttered as a shiver went through her body.

"Are you cold?" I asked concerned.

"It's just the Coke." She insisted but she shivered again.

I noticed her light attire. "Don't you have a jacket?" Admittedly, I wasn't the best judge of temperature but I did know that Bella was normally bundled under multiple layers of clothing.

"Yes." Her eyes glanced expectedly to the bench seat beside her. "Oh-- I left it in Jessica's car."

Of course -- right before she took off alone in a strange city headed in the wrong direction...

I took my jacket off and handed it to her. It was mainly a prop anyway. I would be fine in Alaska in little more than a t-shirt.

"Thanks." A wave of satisfaction washed over me as I watched her slide my jacket on -- even as she shivered one more time. I enjoyed the way my jacket looked on her -- sleeves to long, shoulders too big. I felt like I had a claim on her in some way -- like as long as she was wearing my jacket she belonged to me -- if only momentarily. My eyes traced the lines of the open collar of the jacket, following them down to the blue blouse she wore underneath.

"That color blue looks lovely with your skin." My spoken thoughts betrayed me.

She looked up at me surprised, a deep shade of scarlet coloring her cheeks. My throat burned in response. I had expected the thirst. What I didn't expect was my other response... a deeper, foreign urge.

I focused on the untouched breadbasket in an attempt to distract myself, pushing it towards her.

"Really, I'm not going into shock," she protested.

"You should be -- a _normal_ person would be. You don't even look shaken." I eyed her suspiciously even as part of me protested looking into her eyes. I wasn't ready to feel the unusual longing her look was inspiring in me. Another desire it would be impossible to satisfy.

"I feel very safe with you." Her confession surprised me. I frowned. Safe was the opposite of what she should feel with me.

"This is more complicated than I'd planned." I murmured aloud, referring to more than just _her_ confused emotions.

She sat quietly, leaving me to contemplate our situation.

Things were getting out of hand. Watching her from afar and saying hello to her in class were one thing. Even saving her life for the second time would have been fine -- if it hadn't involved my having to interact with her. I had been so sure that she would immediately see me for what I was and run in the opposite direction, putting a safe distance between us. But nothing about Bella seemed to be working out as it should. Watching her, sitting calmly across from me, nibbling on a breadstick, she hardly seemed ready to make a run for it. She seemed perfectly at ease -- like there was nothing at all unusual about our current situation.

And besides her reaction, or lack of, there was my own irrational response to our situation. I _liked_ having her across from me, wearing my jacket, staring at me with her knowing eyes. More than that, I was starting to feel things about her I had never felt in my entire existence as a vampire -- desires almost as dangerous as my hunger for her blood. I was in over my head.

"Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light." She interrupted my brooding.

"What?" Her comment stunned me. I hadn't noticed she was even watching me.

"You're always crabbier when your eyes are black -- I expect it then." She paused, judging my reaction for a second. "I have a theory about that." She added.

"More theories?" I asked her in disbelief. This girl never gave up did she?

"Mm-hm." She answered indifferently. They couldn't be very good then.

"I hope you were more creative this time... or are you still stealing from comic books?" I smirked at her.

"Well, no, I didn't get if from a comic book, but I didn't come up with it on my own, either." She replied, not discouraged by my tone.

A cold shiver ran down my spine. I didn't like the thought of her talking about me or my family to anyone else.

"And?" I prompted. I needed to know who she had been talking to and what they had come up with.

The waitress came walking up with Bella's food. I leaned back, carefully watching Bella's expression as she put the food down in front of her.

"Did you change your mind?" The waitress was addressing me now. "Isn't there anything I can get you?"

For the first time I noticed the unusual tone in her voice. I had been subconsciously blocking her thoughts up until this point, but now that I listened, what I heard was well beyond what could be considered professional courtesy.

"No, thank you," I hoped she understood the entire meaning of my response. "But some more soda would be nice." I gestured at the empty cups in front of Bella, feeling slightly annoyed.

"Sure." She took the glasses and walked away.

"You were saying?" I pressed Bella, refocusing on my concern about her latest theory.

"I'll tell you about it in the car. If..." she trailed off, looking at me expectedly.

"There are conditions?" My tone was low, threatening. She would tell me -- conditions or not.

"I do have a few questions, of course." She ignored my warning.

"Of course." I kept my voice level.

The waitress returned with Bella's drinks. Her very presence was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Well, go ahead." I insisted, after the waitress was out of earshot.

"Why are you in Port Angeles?"

Of course, she would lead off with something I couldn't answer. I could lie, but I didn't see the point with Bella. If all her questions were like this, she wasn't going to like this conversation much. I smiled darkly to myself.

"Next." My tone remained hard.

"But that was the easiest one," she started to object.

"Next." I repeated, with more finality.

She looked down, frustration written all over her face. I suppressed another smirk. At least we were in more familiar territory. Frustration and anger were definitely emotions I understood.

"Okay, then." She glared up at me. "Let's say, hypothetically of course, that... someone...could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know -- with a few exceptions."

"Just _one_ exception," I corrected automatically. "Hypothetically," I added.

"All right, with one exception, then." Excitement glinted in her eyes. "How does that work? What are the limitations? How would...that someone...find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he know she was in trouble?" The words were rushing out of her now.

"Hypothetically?" I reminded her.

"Sure." She agreed.

"Well, if...that someone..." I started, trying to mimic her vague parameters.

"Let's call him 'Joe,'" she suggested.

I smiled humorlessly at the suggestion. It wouldn't have surprised me if she had suggested Edward. We both knew who we were talking about.

"Joe, then. If Joe had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be quite so exact." I rolled my eyes. "Only you could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade you know."

"We were speaking of a hypothetical case." Her tone and eyes cooled considerably.

I couldn't help but laugh. It was an undeniable relief having her seated safely across from me, even if she was glaring.

"Yes, we were," I replied more warmly. "Shall we call you 'Jane'?"

"How did you know?" She leaned towards me eagerly, dropping all pretenses.

I knew I was being irrational. We both knew from the beginning we weren't actually speaking hypothetically. Still, for some reason her comment made me hesitate. Was I really ready to admit this to her -- to have this part of my life out in the open? I stared into her eyes, searching for the correct way to proceed.

"You can trust me, you know." She prompted, reaching forward as if to touch my hands. I slid them back reluctantly; a look of hurt briefly flashed across her face as she withdrew her own. Touch was not a barrier I was ready to cross.

"I don't know if I have a choice anymore." I thought out loud. "I was wrong -- you're much more observant than I gave you credit for." I added, trying to repair the wound I inflicted.

"I thought you were always right." She continued, undeterred.

"I used to be." I shook my head at the thought of how much had changed since then. I used to be confident. Now I just felt unsure. "I was wrong about you on one other thing, as well. You're not a magnet for accidents -- that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for _trouble._ If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you."

"And you put yourself into that category?" She retorted.

It was obvious by the way she worded the question that _she_ did not put me into that category. She was still in denial about how dangerous I was.

"Unequivocally." I answered.

She reached across the table again. This time she ignored my dissuasion, brushing the tips of her fingers gently along the back of my hand.

The sensation sent shivers of pleasure down my spine -- even as fire surged up my throat. I could feel the heat radiating off her fingers.

"Thank you." She looked into my eyes. "That's twice now." The sincerity of her words moved me.

"Let's not try for three, agreed?" I matched her sincerity. It made her scowl. I took advantage of the opportunity to disengage my hands, moving them under the table. It was too late -- my resolve had melted under her touch.

"I followed you to Port Angeles," I answered her first question, the words rushing out. I didn't do it to meet her conditions -- suddenly I didn't care about her theories. I just needed her to know -- to understand. "I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before, and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."

I stopped short, watching for the impact my words would have on her. Incredibly, she seemed to be fighting back a smile.

"Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?" She took advantage of my momentary silence to speculate.

"That wasn't the first time." I spoke softly, refusing to meet her gaze. My words had misled her. It was time to shatter her illusion of me as the good guy once and for all. "Your number was up the first time I met you."

I waited until I could control the emotion on my face to look up at hers. She stared back at me evenly.

"You remember?" I asked gravely, looking for the acknowledgment in her eyes.

"Yes." She spoke calmly.

"And yet here you sit." I stared at her in disbelief. This wasn't the first time she had surprised me with her failure to flee. But then, I had never given her so much reason to do exactly that before.

"Yes, here I sit... because of you," she countered. "Because somehow you knew how to find me today...?"

I pressed my lips together, contemplating her persistence. I tried to mentally calculate how many questions she could ask before she finished eating. Her plate was still full.

"You eat, I'll talk." I bargained with her. She answered by popping a ravioli in her mouth.

"It's harder than it should be -- keeping track of you. Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before." I paused. She had frozen in place, fork in mid-air.

I waited until she recovered, scooping up another ravioli, to continue.

"I was keeping tabs on Jessica, not carefully -- like I said, only you could find trouble in Port Angeles -- and at first I didn't notice when you took off on your own. So I was just waiting for you, randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street -- to see if anyone had noticed you so I would know where you were. I had no reason to be worried...but I was strangely anxious..." I was mentally reliving the afternoon's events as I described them to her. I felt the anxiety I had felt, driving around aimlessly looking for her.

"I started to drive in circles, still...listening. The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out and follow you on foot. And then --" The memory of Bella's image in his thoughts flashed in front of my mind's eye before I could stop it. I snapped my jaw closed, unable to continue. I fought back the new wave of fury that gripped me.

"Then what?" Bella whispered.

"I heard what they were thinking," the words were barely more than a growl as I fought for control. "I saw your face in his mind." I couldn't continue. I couldn't tell her what he wanted to do to her -- it was too horrible.

I collapsed forward, remembering the fury that had overwhelmed me immediately after -- how badly I wanted to kill them. How hard I had to fight to protect Bella from that side of me.

"It was very...hard -- you can't imagine how hard -- for me to simply take you away, and leave them...alive." I forced the words between my teeth. "I could have let you go with Jessica and Angela, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them." My voice was barely more than a whisper as I admitted the true reason I had forced her to have dinner with me -- that I was too weak to be left alone.

I waited until I was firmly in control of my emotions again to seek her eyes. I had said all I could. It was her turn.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked.

"I'm ready to leave." She qualified carefully.

The waitress appeared right on cue, to check on us.

"We're ready for the check, thank you." I already had the bill in hand before she handed me the folder. I slid the bill in, more than enough to cover food and tip. "No change."

I was out of the booth before she even had time to respond.

"You have nice evening." She called as Bella and I walked to the door.

Bella gave a quiet sigh as we exited the restaurant. I looked down at her, wondering for the thousandth time what was on her mind. She looked down at the sidewalk.

I bided my time as I walked her to the car, holding the door for her as she climbed into the passenger seat. I climbed into the driver's seat, adjusting the heat back to human temperatures, and glanced to make sure she was wearing her seatbelt. I waited until I had flipped the car around towards Forks before turning to her.

"Now, it's your turn."


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry -- I know it's been forever since I've posted. I have a thousand excuses but I'll spare you and simply say I'm sorry again. I wish I could say it will never happen again but I don't think that would be true. At least we only have a month left until Breaking Dawn! And if you are looking for something to do besides reading fanfic, Vampire Knight is a good anime series I found that you can youtube. It has a lot of similarities to the Twilight Series. OK - hopefully that info. and this chapter will make amends for my recent absence. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 9 -- Theory

"Can I ask just one more?" Bella pleaded as we drove away from the restaurant.

I sighed. I should have known she would try to evade her part of the deal.

"One." I emphasized sternly.

"Well...you said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that."

I contemplated my answer for a moment. The truth would be so foreign to her; I wondered if it would offend her. And of course it would reveal even more about me -- about our differences.

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," she grumbled at my silence.

I smiled sadly at her impatience to know the truth -- she was pushing us closer to our final parting.

"Fine, then. I followed your scent." I kept my eyes on the road. I didn't really want to see -- to watch her cringe as she slowly put together what I was. She didn't speak for a moment.

"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions..." she finally continued.

"Which one?" I shot her a look. I had answered all of her questions more thoroughly than I had ever planned to do. She was obviously still stalling.

"How does it work -- the mind-reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family...? She cut the question short, staring down into her lap.

"That's more than one," I pointed out, mentally sifting through the questions. I started tackling them in order.

"No, it's just me and I don't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's...'voice' is, the father away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." I paused to contemplate the next part. My ability had been a part of me from the beginning of my existence. Using it came as naturally to me as breathing, as running. How could I explain it in a way she would understand?

"It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum -- a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear. Most of the time I tune it all out -- it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal." I frowned at the word. Normal. What did that mean anyway? Normal for me was still so far from normal for Bella.

"-- when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words," I recovered.

"Why do you think you can't hear me?" Bella asked the question I had asked myself a hundred times already -- with no satisfactory answer.

I turned to study her face. Curiosity was the only emotion I could distinguish. How ironic that I had once contemplated the possibility that she was somehow consciously blocking me. Now I could see she was just as confused by the situation as I was.

"I don't know," I muttered through my musing. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." I grinned at the look of self-consciousness that came over her face as I speculated.

"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" Her tone reflected the embarrassment written on her face.

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that _you're_ the freak?" I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the thought. "Don't worry, it's just a theory..."

The truth was -- I didn't really care why I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts anymore. Sure, it was an unbelievable inconvenience to me and had really irritated me in the beginning, but now I had much more pressing questions about Bella.

"Which brings us back to you." I turned on her. I had been more than patient with her questions. Now it was time for her to answer a few of mine.

She sighed. Maybe my tone had been a little too harsh.

"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" I mimicked her earlier words, softening my tone.

"Holy crow! Slow down!" She shouted back at me. I almost winced -- the sound was abrasive to my sensitive ears.

"What's wrong?" I tried to follow her gaze out the windshield, to pinpoint the source of her concern.

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" She continued to shout.

My panic faded into disbelief. Of all the things for her to be worried about...

"Relax, Bella." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Are you trying to kill us?" She demanded, at least lowering her voice a little.

"We're not going to crash."

"Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I always drive like this." I smiled at her. Driving fast was one of my guilty pleasures. It gave me a sensation similar to running.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" Her voice eked back up a notch.

"I've never been in an accident, Bella -- I've never even gotten a ticket." I tried to reason with her. "Built-in radar detector," I added, tapping my forehead. Not that it was hard to avoid all of the three cops in this small town.

"Very funny." Her voice sounded angry. "Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."

"Probably." I agreed, laughing harshly at the irony of the situation. While I knew she had a point -- _she_ wasn't indestructible -- I couldn't believe of all the things she had learned about me over the past few hours, this was the characteristic that bothered her. My driving was the least of her concerns.

"Happy?" I couldn't keep the unhappiness from my voice as I slowed to eighty.

"Almost." She sounded about as happy as I was.

"I hate driving slow," I muttered.

"This is slow?" She countered.

"Enough commentary on my driving," I snapped. I'd had enough of her tactics. We were half-way home and she hadn't even begun to keep her side of our deal. "I'm still waiting for your latest theory."

I watched her bite her lip in concentration. I softened my expression before turning to look at her. Despite her own eagerness to know everything, Bella had never responded well to my impatience.

"I won't laugh," I encouraged gently. I could see the hesitance in her eyes.

"I'm more afraid you'll be angry with me." Her sincerity caught me off guard. We obviously weren't talking about comic book heroes anymore.

"Is it that bad?" I responded, keeping my tone soft.

"Pretty much, yeah." She admitted.

She was looking down at her hands. I took advantage of her silence to calm the anxiety creeping up on me and prepare for the information she was so reluctant to give me.

"Go ahead." I addressed her once I was sure I would remain firmly in control -- no matter what she said.

"I don't know how to start."

"Why don't you start at the beginning...you said you didn't come up with this on your own." I urged her gently.

"No." She answered simply, keeping her face down. I felt like I was questioning a child who had done something wrong. What was she feeling so guilty about?

"What got you started -- a book? A movie?" I coaxed.

"No -- it was Saturday, at the beach." She glanced up at me, expectantly.

But her words held no new meaning for me. What did her trip with Newton have to do with me? Our classmates knew no more about my family than she did -- less actually.

"I ran into an old family friend -- Jacob Black," she continued. "His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."

She paused briefly, glancing at my face again. There was something about her tone too --like she expected me to read more into her words than she was saying. But I still didn't follow her. I had searched my memory thoroughly -- that name meant nothing to me.

"His dad is one of the Quileute elders."

An icy chill swept through my body. No wonder she expected me to know him. How stupid of me. I had been so focused on the fact that she was going on a trip with Newton that it hadn't occurred to me that she had gone to the one place she could have gotten the answers she sought -- the only place she could have gotten the truth.

"We went for a walk --" she continued quickly yet unwillingly at the same time, " -- and he was telling me some old legends -- trying to scare me, I think. He told me one..." She hesitated again.

"Gone on." I demanded, forgetting my attempt to remain patient.

"About vampires," she whispered the words but they hit me with the same force as if she had been screaming them at me. She knew. Worse, she believed.

"And you immediately thought of me?" My voice remained calm. I had said I would stay in control -- no matter what.

"No. He...mentioned your family." Anger swept over me. He -- this Jacob Black -- had compromised my family's identity. He had broken the treaty.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition." Bella's voice held an edge of panic now. Like she had suspected my thoughts -- like she knew I held Jacob accountable for this betrayal. "He didn't think anything of it. It was my fault, I forced him to tell me."

"Why?" Her confession surprised me. It hadn't occurred to me that Bella had forced him to reveal the information. Not that it changed things -- I still blamed Jacob.

"Lauren said something about you -- she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and tricked it out of him." She hung her head as if she was ashamed of what she had done.

I laughed humorlessly. Leave it to Bella to see more than she should. But what could she possibly have done to trick Jacob into revealing my family's most guarded secret?

"Tricked him how?" I vocalized the question.

"I tried to flirt -- it worked better than I thought it would." She sounded genuinely shocked at her success. Didn't she know how provoking she could be?

"I would like to have seen that." I chuckled darkly at the thought. She had managed to break a peace-treaty between ancient rivals with little more than flirting. "And you accused me of dazzling people -- poor Jacob Black."

I felt no real sympathy towards Jacob. He had betrayed my family and me. And no matter how petty it seemed in comparison, I was jealous that he had experienced Bella's affection, even momentarily. Bella had never flirted with me before, not even to gain information.

"What did you do then?" I asked after a minute.

"I did some research on the Internet."

"And did that convince you?" I couldn't keep the skepticism out of my voice. I knew what they said about my kind on the internet. Besides the outright falsities, it said that we were mindless creatures held captive by our unquenchable thirst for human blood. That we murdered without thought and without remorse. It was the opposite of everything for which my family stood.

"No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then..." she stopped.

"What?" I pressed.

"I decided it didn't matter." She whispered.

"It didn't _matter_?" I spit the words back out -- my mind rejecting them.

"No," her voice remained soft. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?" I accused, despite the undeniable truth in her tone. She believed what she was saying. It infuriated me.

"No." Her answer was the same.

BUT I'M A MONSTER! I wanted to yell at her -- to shock her into reality. But I knew it would have made no difference; Bella wasn't going to run away. I had been holding my breath this whole time for nothing.

But why? How could she say it didn't matter -- how could she just give up? Where she was so soft, warm, and fragile... I was cold, hard, and indestructible. I could easily kill her by mistake. And of course there was the fact that a part of me actually _wanted_ to kill her.

I couldn't be trusted with her life. And that _did_ matter. Her life mattered more than anything else in the world to me.

"You're angry," she sighed. "I shouldn't have told you."

"No, I'd rather know what you're thinking -- even if what you're thinking is insane." She was insane if she thought I would let her give up. She would fight -- she had to. She had to do what I could not.

"So I'm wrong again?" Her voice held an edge of defiance.

"That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" I quoted, gritting my teeth against my anger.

"I'm right?" She gasped.

"Does it _matter_?" I hissed back.

She took a deep breath in response. "Not really." She paused. "But I _am_ curious."

I almost sighed resolutely. Of course she was curious. But what did it matter now? We were in this together now -- at least until I could figure out a way to get her out of it. Besides, she already knew the worse of it. There was no need to lie. At least this way I could straighten out a few things.

"What are you curious about?"

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen," I answered immediately.

"And how long have you been seventeen?" She countered.

I almost smiled at the quick response of her knowledgeable question. It seemed Bella was letting her barriers down too. I had a feeling I was going to find out just how perceptive Bella really was.

"A while." I admitted.

"Okay," she accepted my response and continued.

"Don't laugh -- but how can you come out during the daytime?"

I laughed anyway. It seems like she had believed at least some of the stuff she read on the internet. "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth." I contemplated the concept of sleeping in a coffin. Would it be worth it, if it I could sleep? "I can't sleep." I added.

She stayed silent for a moment, absorbing what I had said.

"At all?" She finally asked.

"Never." I replied quietly. I knew the idea would be strange to her but my mind had already moved on. I looked into her eyes. Why was she avoiding the obvious question -- the most pertinent one to her safety? Was she too frightened to ask?

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet." I refused to approach the subject gently. She needed to be frightened. She needed to fear me. This is why it _did_ matter.

"Which one is that?" She asked innocently.

"You aren't concerned about my diet?" Sarcasm dripped from my question.

"Oh, that." She murmured.

"Yes, that. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?" I asked bleakly. She wasn't making this easy.

A pained expression came over her face. "Well, Jacob said something about that." She hesitated.

Of course Jacob did. "What did Jacob say?"

"He said you didn't...hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" I asked suspiciously. The Quileutes knew we were dangerous -- that was the point of the treaty.

"Not exactly. He said you weren't _supposed_ to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land, just in case." She clarified.

She was more informed than I originally thought. She even knew the terms of the treaty.

A treaty we had made decades earlier... the first time we settled in Forks.

"So was he right? About not hunting people?" Bella asked after a moment.

"The Quileutes have a long memory." I whispered, mostly to myself.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I refocused on her. "They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"I don't understand."

"We try," I started to explain. I was walking a tight line. On the one hand, Bella needed to understand that we were dangerous. But it would be an injustice to everything Carlisle had worked for if I didn't explain how we were different too. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

"This is a mistake?" I could hear the sadness in her voice. It made me feel horrible.

"A very dangerous one," I muttered back.

I felt guilty that I was clearly upsetting her but it didn't change the truth -- this was a mistake. I should have given her back to Angela and Jessica. I shouldn't have been so weak. There was so much more than the immediate danger now -- the danger that is always present when Bella was near. Alone, on this dark and empty road, in the middle of nowhere... and that wasn't even the real problem now. The problem now was that Bella was irreversibly involved. She knew the truth -- it was forbidden for her to -- but she knew it all the same. And I wasn't sure what the consequences of that knowledge would be for her. For us.

If only I hadn't been so weak. If only I had let her go...

"Tell me more." The desperation in Bella's voice drew me back to her face.

"What more do you want to know?"

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people." Her voice was still full of some emotion I didn't fully understand.

"I don't _want_ to be a monster." I replied weakly.

"But animals aren't enough?"

I contemplated her question for a moment. She wasn't the first to ask it. According to the rest of the vampire world, living on animals alone couldn't be done. But we were doing everything we could to prove them wrong. Of course, Bella was sort of in the middle of the experiment now. For her sake, and mine, I hoped the rest of the vampire world was wrong.

"I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger -- or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time."

"Sometimes it's more difficult than others." I added, reflecting on our current situation, and the monster that lay contemplating inside me even now.

"Is it very difficult for you now?" She asked.

I sighed. "Yes." Always, I added silently.

"But you're not hungry now." Her confidence surprised me. It wasn't a question.

"Why do you think that?"

"You eyes. I told you I had a theory. I've notice that people - men in particular -- are crabbier when they're hungry."

I couldn't help but chuckle. Crabby. That was one way to put it. "You are observant, aren't you?" I responded.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" She ignored the question.

"Yes." I thought about the three days I spent with Emmett. They had been torture. "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty." I explained.

"Why didn't you want to leave?" Bella's voice was curious.

"It makes me...anxious...to be away from you." I remembered the over-whelming worry I had felt the entire trip. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed."

The image of two scabbed over wounds on her palms flashed through my mind. I had noticed the scabs when I had scanned her for injuries after removing her from her would be attackers earlier. My anger had been too overwhelming at the time to focus on them. Now it made sense -- the scent trail I had crossed in the woods -- the smell of her blood. I shook my head to clear it. "Well, not totally unscathed."

"What?" She sounded defensive.

"Your hands," I pointed out. She looked down at the healed over scraps.

"I fell," she sighed, realizing what I meant.

"That's what I thought," I smiled. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse -- and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." I grinned wider, remembering Emmett's frustration at my lack of focus.

"Three days? Didn't you just get back today?"

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" She almost sounded angry. What was it with Bella and attendance anyway?

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight -- at least, not where anyone can see." I defended.

"Why?"

"I'll show you sometime."

She didn't respond for a moment. I watched as the anger faded slightly from her face.

"You might have called me," she suggested.

"But I knew you were safe," I pointed out. The knowledge had been my first priority upon returning home.

"But _I_ didn't know where _you_ were. I --" She turned her eyes away. She had that slightly flushed look on her face -- like she was afraid to say something.

"What?" I compelled.

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too." Her cheeks burned with blood as she said the words.

My throat erupted in flame even as a sudden surge of mixed emotions stifled my breath. What did she mean? Was she saying she...had feelings for me too?

"Ah," I tried to release the pressure as my insides tightened into knots, "This is wrong."

"What did I say?" Bella sounded stunned.

"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved." I looked away from her. I couldn't look at her right now -- not and be able to say to what I needed to say. "I don't want to hear that you feel that way. It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella -- please grasp, that."

The words were the opposite of the ones I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I would never harm her. But I couldn't speak these words because I knew they weren't entirely true. I couldn't promise that I would never harm her.

"No." Bella set her jaw stubbornly.

"I'm serious," I growled back at her.

"So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

"Never say that." I snapped at her. I could fix this. I had to. It couldn't be too late.

She didn't respond. Instead, she sat gazing silently out the front windshield, biting down on her lip.

"What are you thinking?" The phrase was like acid in my mouth. The necessity of it irritated me more than usual.

She shook her head in response, light glistening off her cheeks.

"Are you crying?" The words were out before I could control my voice. I was unprepared for her tears -- no one I knew was even able to cry. I wanted to reach out, to brush them away so I wouldn't have to feel what I felt seeing them. So I wouldn't be disgusted with myself.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could manage. I was sorry I had made her cry. I was sorry I couldn't touch her, even to comfort her. But mostly, I was sorry I had imposed on her life in the first place.

For the second time, we drove in silence. In my mind, I played through the events of the past few days, the events that led us here.

"Tell me something." I turned to Bella, remembering something I had noticed earlier.

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression -- you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something."

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker -- you know, self-defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain."

I thought of Bella, soft and fragile, trying to fight off the dark-haired man that outweighed her by at least a hundred pounds. Her struggle would only have excited him more.

"You were going to fight them?" Imagining the outcome of that maneuver had upset me. "Didn't you think about running?"

"I fall down a lot."

She had a point. She probably wouldn't have faired much better trying to run.

"What about screaming for help?" I moved down the list of logical responses.

"I was getting to that part."

I shook my head. "You were right -- I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

Instead of the angry response I was expecting, Bella just sighed and glanced out the window for a moment.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" She changed the subject, although she did sound a little angry.

"Yes -- I have a paper due, too." I smiled. Given all that we had been through together these past few hours, school seemed like such a trivial thing in comparison. "I'll save you a seat at lunch."

We had just arrived at Bella's house. I pulled into the driveway and stopped the car.

"Do you _promise_ to be there tomorrow?" It was such a childish statement but Bella's tone was utterly serious.

"I promise." I answered her just as seriously.

She seemed satisfied with my response. She pulled off my jacket and offered it back to me.

"You keep it -- you don't have a jacket for tomorrow," I reminded her. Plus, I was still enjoying the way she looked in it.

"I don't want to have to explain to Charlie." She handed it to me regardless.

"Oh, right." I grinned, remembering how easily Charlie's suspicions were aroused.

Bella continued to hesitate in her seat, like she was contemplating something. I traced her silhouette, dark against the bright light of the porch. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me.

"Bella?" I addressed her.

"Yes?" She turned back.

"Will you promise me something?"

"Yes."

"Don't go into the woods alone."

"Why?" She sounded confused.

"I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let's leave it at that."

Our conversation about the treaty had reminded me about something I hadn't thought of for a long time. Werewolves.

"Whatever you say." For some reason she sounded relieved.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I sighed. I felt anything but relieved.

"Tomorrow then."

"Bella?" I stalled her long enough to lean closer and take in one last whiff of the wonderful fragrance I had been denying myself all night. In a few minutes she would be tucked away safely in the presence of her father. For all that had gone wrong tonight, at least I had delivered her home unharmed.

"Sleep well." I said simply.

I watched as Bella climbed out of the car in true-Bella fashion, clinging to the frame for support. I waited until she was on her front porch before pulling out to return my Volvo home. Judging from Charlie's thoughts, I probably had a good two to three hours before it would be safe to return.

I pulled into the garage, half-expecting Alice to be waiting for me with a thousand questions. It was empty. I took my time walking into the house, still trying to figure out how to tell my family what I knew I must. Not surprisingly, everyone was already gathered in the living room. During this time of day, one of the few times we were all home at the same time, we tended to spend time in the common areas of the house. It was the closest we came to having what humans called 'family time', outside of our group hunting trips.

Carlisle and Esme were sitting together on the couch. Jasper and Emmett stood across from each other, arms crossed, like they had been arguing, although I couldn't be sure. Whatever they had been discussing was abruptly halted when I entered the room. Rosalie sat nearby but had turned to face out the back glass wall.

Alice's face was the first one I sought. She was leaning against the arm of the couch. She stared at me wide-eyed as she read the question in my eyes.

_Oh no -- I didn't say a word. No way was I going to be the one to tell them. _She answered my question silently.

I sighed. I knew she was right -- it was my responsibility to break the news to my family. Still, Alice wasn't the best at keeping stuff to herself and for once I wished she had at least broached the subject with them before I arrived.

"So, um..." I stumbled for the right words "I have news." If everyone hadn't already been staring at me, this would definitely have gotten their attention. It wasn't like me to stall.

I took a deep breath. "Bella knows," I blurted out. "Everything."

It was eerily quiet for a moment. The only noise was a low hiss from Rosalie, but even she didn't speak.

"How did it happen?" Carlisle was the first to break the silence.

"She talked to one of the Quileute's children. He told her the legends about us, about the treaty. He mentioned us by name." I gritted my teeth, recalling my feelings of betrayal. "Although, she probably could have figured it out just from me. I haven't exactly been careful," I admitted. I couldn't completely blame this on Jacob, no matter how much I wanted to.

"They broke the treaty?" Emmett didn't quite sound upset by this fact. He sounded more like he thought it meant something excited might happen now.

"I'm sure the child didn't realize what he was doing." Carlisle interjected. He must have gotten the same vibe from Emmett.

"What now?" I turned to Carlisle. I had been contemplating this question from the moment I dropped Bella off.

"Well..." Carlisle hesitated. "That depends. Do you think she can be trusted?"

"She kept our secret after Edward rescued her from the van. I watched her carefully. She didn't tell anyone about that." Alice spoke up in Bella's defense.

I nodded my reply. It was true, Bella had proven herself trustworthy in the past.

"And I don't suppose you would consider leaving her alone from now on?" Carlisle asked gently.

"I love her." I replied just as gently.

Esme's eyebrows shot up, even though I could tell from Alice's thoughts that she had already prepared them for this fact. Rosalie walked out of the room.

"Well, then I propose that we continue as we are for the time being. Alice will continue to keep an eye on her and let us know if we need to consider an alternative plan." Carlisle concluded.

I suppose I should have felt somewhat relieved. Not that I was surprised by Carlisle's reaction; I knew he would be sympathetic to my situation. But my family's safety had only been part of the problem. What should I do about us -- about Bella and me? Carlisle couldn't help me with this part.

Carlisle must have sensed he had fulfilled his usefulness because he turned to leave the room, pausing only briefly to give me a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Esme got up from the couch, hugging me silently, before turning to follow Carlisle from the room.

Emmett and Jasper turned back to each other.

"They suspended the bodies in fluid, to protect them from pressure sores. The machines had it figured out. They knew what they were doing." Emmett continued presumably from the exact spot the argument had been suspended.

"Yeah, but they don't explain how the bodies were in such good shape when they exited the Matrix. How did they prevent muscular atrophy?" Jasper countered.

"They're freaking superior beings..." the argument continued.

I took a seat on the now empty couch.

The way I saw it, there were three alternatives. The first alternative, the one I had been subconsciously operating under up to this point, was the assumption that Bella didn't feel as strongly for me. Of course, this meant I would have to forever watch her from a distance, but the distance would help keep her safe. It was the best alternative for Bella and for this reason I could accept it. But after tonight, after she admitted having at least some feelings for me, I wasn't sure this was even a viable alternative anymore.

The next alternative would be for me to stay with her for the duration of her human life. It might be challenging, considering how prone to trouble Bella seemed to be, but at least I would be around to protect her. It would be such a short period of time -- the span of one human life -- but at least we could live, and die, together. This alternative was the easiest one to face.

The final alternative, the one that made me cringe simply from the thought of it, was that I would leave Bella; I would remove myself from her world. I wasn't sure I was strong enough for this even to be a real option, but I liked to think I could do what was necessary if the time came.

Sitting down, thinking through the alternatives like this, it seemed to me that only one alternative was truly feasible at the moment. So alternative two it was. At least it gave me a way to proceed. And it meant I could continue to be near Bella.

_Edward_. Alice's thought called for my attention. I hadn't noticed she had taken a seat next to me on the couch.

I looked at her. She was staring at Jasper and Emmett, who were still debating. Regardless, she knew she had my attention.

_I want to show you something...something I didn't want to discuss with the others._

She hesitated. Whatever it was that she wanted to show me, it was going to upset me. I could tell from the look on her face.

I waited patiently as a vision began to take shape.

The vision was of Bella again. If it hadn't been for the glaring irregularity, I might not have noticed anything was wrong with the picture. Her face was not much different -- a little paler than normal, her lips a little fuller, her hair a little smoother. I barely noticed the dark shadow under each eye, although I knew without looking they were there. It was her eyes that froze me in place, knocking the breath out of me. They were bright red -- blood red. Bella was a vampire.

I sat frozen in place, unable to speak, unable to pull away from those eyes.

_At least she's not dead this time. That's good right?_ Alice tried to entice a reaction.

Was it? The Bella that I knew -- warm, soft, clumsy, human -- that Bella would be dead. And yet, it would make things so much easier for me. No, it was a greater price than I could ever ask her to pay.

Better or not, Alice had shown me a fourth alternative. One I hadn't even considered. One I wasn't ready to consider.

Alternative four: Bella could become a vampire.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thought I had given up didn't you? Not yet -- I've just been busy. Anyway, here is Chapter 10. Also, please let me know if you have any trouble accessing earlier chapters. I know these things have a time limit but everything still appears to be there from my end. Thanks and enjoy!**

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CHAPTER 10: INTERROGATIONS

That night I climbed in Bella's window feeling a mixture of eagerness and dread. I was eager to hear Bella's sleep dialogue, hoping it would give me a better insight into what she was really thinking -- the part she kept carefully locked away in that impenetrable mind of hers. On the other hand, I dreaded witnessing the reactions that would be logical for someone who had just learned that monsters were real and one thirsted for her blood...

As always, Bella surprised me as she appeared to be sleeping peacefully. For the most part, her topics of conversation were the same as any other night. No screaming or calling out, no tossing or thrashing, and apparently I wasn't starring in any of her nightmares. She did say my name a few times, but never with any discernible signs of distress associated with it. Of course, her lack of reaction was unsettling in its own way.

Once I was able to assure myself that Bella would not be having night terrors on my behalf tonight, I relaxed enough to revisit my decision to spend as much of Bella's human life with her as she would allow. I felt certain my time with her would painfully short -- just until she met someone to divert her feelings from me. Human emotions were so fickle; I was almost jealous of the ease with which she would forget me.

I tried to envision Bella's perfect mate -- the person that she wouldn't divert from -- that she would spend her life with. Bella would need someone intelligent enough to understand her and see the humor in all her little quirks. He wouldn't get frustrated trying read her mind, he would already know what she was thinking, what she needed. He would be warm and compassionate but strong enough to protect her. Above all, he would be human.

I knew it would hurt like nothing I'd ever experienced when the time came for her to leave me, forever banning me to the outskirts of her life -- a silent observer. My chest tightened just thinking about it. Even if by some miracle Bella stayed with me for the duration of her life, assuming no extraordinary new breakthroughs in medicine, I had maybe 70 years at most. And when she died, I would have no choice but to follow.

It was weird how calmly I accepted this new revelation -- as if I had known this all along. In a way, I suppose I did know, ever since I realized that I loved her. Life without Bella would not be worth living.

I wondered briefly if the others felt this way about their lovers, Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett. We had never discussed it before -- it was such an immensely personal decision. Still, I felt certain that they did.

It was a painful thought -- realizing the death of one meant the loss of two. But in Bella's case it would be for the better. Her death would be a gateway into whatever waited for her on the other side. Mine would be an ending to an existence that should never have been. Until the day came when I could no longer stand by Bella's side, rather by her choice or an act of God, I would simply spend ever moment I could with her.

In the spirit of this new determination, I parked my Volvo at the end of Bella's driveway the next morning and waited for her to emerge on her way to school. I worried about how Bella would react, discovering me waiting in her driveway unannounced. Last night had seemed peaceful enough, but I couldn't be sure with Bella. I always felt like I was missing information with her -- information vital to understanding her reactions. Would she even want to be near me, not to mention alone with me, now that she knew the truth about what I was?

My breath caught as I watched her register my presence for the first time. She was already half-way down her driveway; the thick fog had obscured me from her vision until then. The sudden up-tempo of her heart announced that my presence was definitely a surprise, but her face didn't suggest that she was upset. Instead, she seemed a little unsure as she cautiously approached the car. I couldn't blame her -- not after explaining to her the constant danger in which her proximity to me placed her. At least this time she would be making an informed decision.

"Do you want to ride with me today?" I opened the passenger door for her, despite my uncertainty about her answer. I could tell from the knowing look in her eye that she understood all that the question implied.

"Yes, thank you." She replied calmly before climbing into the passenger seat. It would probably have been more prudent to keep up my human facade with her, but I had her door shut and had gained the driver's seat before she could blink her eye, let alone change her mind.

"I brought the jacket for you. I didn't want you to get sick or something." I had seen her eyeing it on her headrest as she climbed into the car.

I probably should have been worried about her getting sick, seeing what little protection her skin seemed to offer her from the elements, but truthfully I had much more selfish reasons for bringing the jacket. They mainly involved Newton's face when Bella climbed out of _my_ car wearing _my_ jacket. And of course, there was my own personal pleasure at seeing her in it.

"I'm not quite that delicate," she replied, but proceeded to pull her arms through the sleeves anyway.

"Aren't you?" I muttered quietly, mostly to myself. I couldn't let the falsity of her statement stand unchecked but I also didn't really want to evoke Bella's anger first thing in the morning.

The car was eerily quiet as we drove away from Bella's house and toward the school. It worried me that Bella had nothing to say today, considering her never-ending barrage of questions the night before. What had changed in her opinion since then?

"What, no twenty questions today?" I smirked at her, trying to make the question seem light-hearted rather than reveal the slight panic I was actually feeling.

"Do my questions bother you?" Surprisingly, she sounded relieved. So that was the problem, she thought her questions annoyed me.

"Not as much as your reactions do," I answered her truthfully.

She frowned. "Do I react badly?"

"No, that's not the problem. You take everything so coolly -- it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you're really thinking."

"I always tell you what I'm really thinking," she replied innocently.

"You edit." I accused back. Although her face made up for a lot of what her words left out. Still, I knew I wasn't getting the whole story from her.

"Not very much," she defended.

"Enough to drive me insane."

"You don't want to hear it," she mumbled back. The pain was raw on the edges of her voice.

I didn't know how to respond to that or the emotions behind it, so I the conversation drop as we pulled into the school parking lot.

"Where's the rest of your family?" She changed the subject.

I thought about Alice's face as I ran past her on my way out the door this morning. She hadn't seemed surprised at all that I wouldn't be driving them to school today.

"They took Rosalie's car." I shrugged as I pulled in next to the familiar red BMW. "Ostentatious, isn't it?"

"Um, wow." Bella seemed taken in by the shiny red convertible although I was pretty sure the car's more impressive features were lost on her. Cars didn't really seem like Bella's thing. "If she has _that_, why does she ride with you?"

"Like I said, it's ostentatious. We _try_ to blend in." Although if Rose had her way, she would drive to school more often. Blending in wasn't her first priority. And cars most definitely _were_ her thing.

"You don't succeed." Bella replied, laughing and shaking her head as she climbed out from the passenger seat. "So why did Rosalie drive today if it's more conspicuous?" she continued.

I suppressed a smirk. "Hadn't you noticed? I'm breaking _all_ the rules now."

I met Bella at the front of the car, walking as close to her as I dared. I still didn't fully understand how Bella could seem so composed walking this close to me.

"Why do you have cars like that at all?" Bella continued her line of questioning, seemingly unconcerned with the weird looks we were starting to receive from a few people in the parking lot. "If you're looking for privacy?"

"An indulgence. We all like to drive fast." I smiled mischievously at her, remembering her earlier comments on my driving.

"Figures," she muttered beneath her breath. I suppressed a laugh.

_Oh my God -- did Bella ride to school with Edward this morning? Is that his jacket she has on? She was probably hoping I would forget to bring hers..._

We approached the overhang where Jessica's speculations were already going a hundred miles an hour. I allowed Bella to address her first, afraid of what I might say if I opened my mouth.

"Hey, Jessica," Bella addressed her. "Thanks for remembering."

Jessica's thoughts shifted as she handed Bella the jacket she had left in Jessica's car yesterday. Now she was trying to decide which of the thousands of questions in her mind she wanted to ask first, once I made my exit of course.

"Good morning, Jessica." I addressed her as politely as I could manage, making it clear that I would not be dropping Bella off just yet.

"Er...hi." She muttered back. Her thoughts showed that she got the message. I wouldn't be able to keep her at bay for long, but at least I had bought Bella a little time.

"I guess I'll see you in Trig." Jessica turned back to Bella again.

Bella let out a little half sigh, although it was too low and cut-short for Jessica to notice.

"Yeah, I'll see you then." Her answer lacked any real enthusiasm. Jessica reluctantly headed off toward one of the classroom buildings.

"What are you going to tell her?" I muttered to Bella after Jessica had stared back over her shoulder at us for the last time.

"Hey, I thought you couldn't read my mind!" Bella hissed back at me, her tone catching me off guard.

"I can't," I assured her before my mind made sense of her response. Of course... Bella probably knew Jessica would be waiting for every juicy detail about her evening with the elusive Edward Cullen. "However, I can read hers -- she'll be waiting to ambush you in class."

Bella groaned as she carefully removed my jacket and handed it back to me. I took it reluctantly, folding it over my arm. I was hoping she would wear it anyway.

"So what are you going to tell her?" I asked again. Explaining our current situation might be a little tricky. And Bella was a terrible liar.

"A little help?" She pleaded with me. "What does she want to know?"

I couldn't keep the grin off my face. "That's not fair," I teased her, shaking my head reproachfully.

"No, you not sharing what you know -- now _that's_ not fair." Bella obviously didn't find my response humorous.

I thought about the questions I had pulled from Jessica's mind, trying to sort the ones she would actually ask from the ones she would keep to herself. I felt pretty sure there weren't many she wouldn't ask, but I tried to narrow them down to the main ones.

"She wants to know if we're secretly dating. And she wants to know how you feel about me," I finally replied. There were a lot of questions about kissing too but I was hoping those were some of the ones Jessica would keep to herself.

"Yikes. What should I say?" Bella asked innocently, although her face was bright red.

I worked hard to keep the grin off my face. She should have known better than to leave it up to me.

"Hmmm." I stalled as if I didn't already have my answer ready the second I plucked the questions from Jessica's mind. I took advantage of the moment to catch a stray strand of Bella's hair and weave it back into place in what I hoped seemed like an absent-minded action. The response from her heart and face were exactly what I hoped for. I fought the urge to reach out and stroke her cheek, to see if it could possibly be as hot as it looked. Luckily for her, the flames in my throat put an end to the stalling.

"I suppose you could say yes to the first...if you don't mind -- it's easier than any other explanation." I spoke slowly, as if I were just coming to this very logical conclusion.

"I don't mind," she whispered back.

"And as for her other question... well, I'll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself." I just couldn't help myself. The smile I had been working to suppress broke free as I listened to her breath catch. I took advantage of her momentary speechlessness to turn and head toward my own class.

"I'll see you at lunch," I called back over my shoulder to the spot to which Bella remained frozen. I wondered briefly if I had made her too mad to move. Well, she'd better recover quickly because she had someone besides Jessica wanting to know the details of her Port Angeles escapade. I smiled wickedly to myself. Newton had noticed Bella's arrival with me this morning after all.

The first two periods of the day passed in the usual dull fashion. I listened in briefly as Newton conversed with Bella during first period but his thoughts were too unfocused to be interesting. He was starting to put Bella and me together, though he had no speculation as to the depth of the relationship. It irritated him to no end just knowing that Bella could stand to be in the same room as me.

When third period rolled around, I was one of the first people in my seat, not wanting to be distracted when Jessica started questioning Bella. I knew Bella had arrived when the pace of Jessica's mind picked up ten-fold. She could barely contain her excitement.

"Tell me everything!" she started off before Bella could possibly have been settled.

"What do you want to know?" Bella answered cautiously. Her reluctance failed to register with Jessica. She barely knew where to begin.

"What happened last night?"

"He bought me dinner, and then drove me home." This time Bella's lack of detail and enthusiasm did register with Jessica. It made her suspicious.

"How did you get home so fast?"

"He drives like a maniac. It was terrifying." I smiled to myself. I'm pretty sure that was meant specifically for me. I guess she believed me when I'd said I would be listening.

"Was it like a date -- did you tell him to meet you there?" Jessica continued.

Some date that would have been -- sorry I'm late but I was busy trying not to kill four complete strangers. By the way Bella, you look beautiful tonight -- good enough to eat. I cringed at the thought.

"No -- I was _very_ surprised to see him there." Jessica's irritation at Bella's reply broke through my self-loathing. Like everyone else, Jessica knew that Bella was a terrible liar and that right now she wasn't lying. Jessica had been so sure our meeting had been a prearranged rendezvous between secret lovers. As always, her mind was dreadfully uncreative.

"But he picked you up for school today?" Jessica continued fishing for something that would define Bella and my relationship more clearly.

"Yes -- but that was a surprise, too. He noticed I didn't have a jacket last night," Bella downplayed the meaning in my impromptu appearance this morning. Surely she knew there was more to my decision than that.

"So are you going out again?"

"He offered to drive me to Seattle Saturday because he thinks my truck isn't up to it -- does that count?"

"Yes."

"Well, then, yes."

"W-o-w. Edward Cullen." I suppressed a scowl as Jessica said the words -- and not just because I immensely disliked hearing her say my name like that. Her thoughts betrayed what her words to Bella did not -- the disbelief that Bella could end up with someone like me. As if somehow Bella were inferior to me in some way. She had it backwards of course.

"I know." Bella agreed. I frowned. What did she mean by that?

"Wait!" I didn't have time to dwell on it for long. Jessica had just recalled the question I had really hoped she would have enough tact to keep to herself. "Has he kissed you?"

"No," Bella mumbled back her. "It's not like that."

I couldn't tell whose disappointment was registering in Jessica's mind -- Bella's or her own. I almost groaned aloud -- which would have been bad considering class had already started.

This was precisely why I wanted Jessica to keep this question to herself. Physical intimacy of any kind was likely out of the question for Bella and me. It was just one more area where I came up short as far as Bella was concerned -- one more thing I could never offer her.

"Do you think Saturday...?" Jessica pressed on. JUST DROP IT! I yelled hopelessly at Jessica's mind.

"I really doubt it." There was no denying the unhappiness belonged to Bella this time.

I put my head down on my desk.

Jessica continued to press Bella for details. I was beginning to understand why Bella had warned me against listening in. Jessica had an insatiable hunger for gossip and no concept of what an appropriate question was.

"...okay, I've got one." Bella was replying to Jessica's request for more specifics. "You should have seen the waitress flirting with him -- it was over the top. But he didn't pay any attention to her at all."

I recalled the unprofessional thoughts of the waitress in question. Apparently I hadn't been the only one to notice.

"That's a good sign. Was she pretty?" I tried to remember the waitress' appearance. I'm not sure I truly looked at her even once.

"Very -- and probably nineteen or twenty."

Bella's response bothered me but it took me a minute to realize way. I couldn't recall the waitress because I had been so thoroughly absorbed in Bella and our situation that I failed to notice most of what was going on around me. Had the experience really meant so little to Bella? Shouldn't someone who had just narrowly escaped being brutally attacked and left for dead, and who was currently discovering that her greatest threat yet was sitting across the table from her watching her eat, be too preoccupied to notice something as insignificant as the age and attractiveness of our server?

"Even better. He must like you." Jessica's response didn't pause for me to continue my musings.

"I _think_ so but it's hard to tell. He's always so cryptic." Hah. So, I was the cryptic one now?

"I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him."

"Why?" The shock in Bella's response confused Jessica.

"He's so...intimidating. I wouldn't know what to say to him."

Jessica was recalling the various looks I had given her over the past day or so, when I had been forced to interact with her, for Bella's sake. How odd it was to see myself from this perspective. I did like that Jessica seemed intimidated by me. I didn't like the other thoughts she associated with my image. I wondered what Bella thought when looked into my eyes.

"I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him," Bella admitted, as if she had heard my question. I always thought that was because I infuriated her beyond words.

"Oh well. He is unbelievable gorgeous." Jessica obviously put more weight on this factor than any other. I doubted that Bella prioritized things the same way.

"There's a lot more to him than that." Again, Bella seemed to be responding to my thoughts.

"Really? Like what?" Jessica pounced on the prospect of Bella volunteering any new information. Her response had prompted a similar eagerness of my own.

"I can't explain it right... but he's even more unbelievable _behind_ the face." I frowned at her reply. How again was I the cryptic one between the two of us?

"Is that _possible_?" Jessica giggled, hoping it would encourage Bella to continue. Instead, Bella turned her attention away, as if to end the conversation. But Jessica wasn't ready to let it go yet. She needed more information -- more details to pass along.

"So you like him, then?" She prodded. At least she was finally asking the questions I wanted to hear.

I froze, unnecessarily straining to hear her answer. They were whispering, presumably because class was under way there also, but it didn't make Jessica's thoughts any less clear.

"Yes." Bella responded curtly.

"I mean, do you really like him?" Jessica pushed on.

"Yes." She repeated her answer.

"How _much_ do you like him?" Jessica was beginning to sound like a five year old but I had to admit I wasn't unhappy with her determination.

"Too much. More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that." Bella's words were short and fast.

Jessica didn't have time to register anything more about Bella's response, because she was called on to provide an answer to a question about the lecture she was blatantly ignoring. Her thoughts immediately began scrambling for the correct response.

I remained frozen in place, trying to make sense of Bella's statement. Was she joking? How could she possibly think she liked me more than I liked her, when I was ready to follow her to the grave? No matter how cryptic she accused me of being, I was pretty sure I had made it clear that I was way more interested in her than I had a right to be, so there was no way she was misinterpreting my feelings was there?

Once again I felt myself fighting conflicting emotions. Part of me wanted badly for her response to be true, no matter how impossible it seemed. The less selfish part was grateful that she had to be wrong. There was no way she could match the depth of my feelings for her -- which was for the better -- for her sake. I would do my part to protect her but I was counting on her fickle human emotions to help.

My mind ran in circles for the rest of the period and the one after, trying to make sense of Bella's response. I frequently had to remind myself of the need to change position, and breathe for that matter to avoid drawing attention to myself. Hopefully, I just looked enthralled with the lecture.

No matter how many times I replayed the conversation between Bella and Jessica, my thoughts always ended up focusing on the same spots; frustration had long since established itself as the dominant emotion in me.

I was internally working my way through another one of these endless loops as I waited for Bella after fourth period. I looked up just in time to see Bella and Jessica walked out together. Jessica quickly turned to take her leave once she realized I was there.

"See you later, Bella." She called out as she headed toward the cafeteria. I was glad she hadn't taken it upon herself to tag along. Intimidation had its advantages I suppose.

I fought back a smirk at the look of relief on Bella's face now that she was momentarily free from Jessica's never-ending scrutiny. How ironic that she thought she would be safer with me -- since I had every intention of picking up where Jessica left off.

"Hello." I greeted her coolly as she approached.

"Hi." She replied simply.

I could tell she'd heard the warning in my voice -- the warning that told her she wasn't out of the line of fire just yet.

I bided my time as we walked to the cafeteria, carefully plotting how I would approach this conversation. I needed to keep Bella's guard down.

I studied her face as we made our way through the cafeteria line, paying no attention to what foods I was loading onto the tray. She looked kind of nervous -- like she was worried about what I might be thinking. She should be worried.

"What are you doing?" She interrupted my speculations. "You're not getting all that for me?" She nodded toward the tray of food in my hands.

I shook my head at her, and proceeded to pay for the lunch. For a moment I had thought she was scolding me for trying to read her mind again.

"Half is for me, of course." I replied. I forgot that Bella doesn't spend most her life carefully crafting a false facade the way I did.

She looked displeased but said nothing further.

I led her over to the same place we sat last time, on the opposite side of the cafeteria from the sensitive ears of my siblings. Not that it would do any good -- they would hear every word regardless. Still, I felt like Rosalie and the others would be less willing to rip my head off if they had to climb over a cafeteria full of children to get to me.

"Take whatever you want," I pushed the tray toward her. Maybe I could stall her with food long enough to figure out how to properly begin.

"I'm curious," she was the first to speak. Amazing how scary those two little words could be coming from her. "What would you do if someone dared you to eat food?"

"You're always curious." I grimaced. I would regret doing this later but... looking her directly in the eyes, I picked up the slice of pizza and took a bite. It tasted revolting. Regardless, I managed to chew the bite and swallow.

Bella looked stunned.

"If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?" I asked condescendingly. At the moment, I think I'd take the dirt over the pizza.

Bella wrinkled her nose in disgust at some remembered thought. "I did once... on a dare. It wasn't so bad." She grinned impishly at me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I suppose I'm not surprised."

_Wow. I have never heard Edward laugh out loud before... ever. Bella's not even funny... He must like her -- to be pretending like that..._

I bristled as I heard my name in the thoughts of what was undeniable the most annoying voice in the world to me right now.

"Jessica's analyzing everything I do -- she'll break it down for you later." I informed Bella, irritated again.

Jessica refocused my thoughts on the conversation I had yet to bring up with Bella. I pushed the rest of the pizza toward Bella and realized I was stalling for nothing. She had that look in her eye -- that look that said she could see what I was thinking. So much for keeping her guard down...

"So the waitress was pretty, was she?" I kept my voice casual but I knew I wasn't fooling her. Her face still had that expectant look about it.

"You really didn't notice?"

"No. I wasn't paying attention. I had a lot on my mind." I left the accusation in my voice -- the one that suggested I wasn't the only who had a lot to think about. She ignored it.

"Poor girl," she said sympathetically.

It was too easy to get distracted with Bella. I decided to move straight to the point.

"Something you said to Jessica ... well, it bothered me." I felt the irritation that had been brewing for the last two hours bubble to the surface.

"I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers." I could tell I had her attention now. She was irritated too.

"I warned you I would be listening," I pointed out.

"And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking." She didn't miss a beat.

"You did," I admitted. "You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking -- everything. I just wish ... that you wouldn't be thinking some things."

She scowled. "That's quite a distinction."

"But that's not really the point at the moment." I tried to guide her back toward the conversation at hand before she really had a chance to get angry.

"Then what is?"

"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" The question had come out low and almost breathy in my attempt to control the mixture of emotions swelling inside me. I leaned closer to her in anticipation, searching her eyes for the truth.

She stared back at me in utter silence for a moment before finally turning her gaze from me.

"You're doing it again," she muttered.

"What?" I asked eagerly.

"Dazzling me." She turned her gaze back to me.

"Oh." I frowned, disappointment washing over me as I realized that her response hadn't been a cryptic beginning to the answer I was anticipating. It wasn't even related. Was she stalling?

"It's not your fault," she sighed. "You can't help it."

Good, now that we've established that ... "Are you going to answer the question?"

"Yes." She looked down at the table again but said nothing further.

"Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Yes, I really think that." She answered without moving her eyes an inch from their focus on the table.

Disbelief was the first emotion I could discern from the mixture that swept over me as I studied her face. She was telling the truth. The others took a little more time to register but they all were there ... concern, anxiety, doubt, and joy.

Slowly, they were all replaced with one ... not quite sympathy, but a general softness for the misconceptions of the girl in front of me. Poor Bella, she had no idea how I truly felt about her.

"You're wrong." The change in my tone prompted her to finally meet my eyes again.

"You can't know that." She shook her head in disagreement. I paused to listen to her heart -- it was pounding. This conversation obviously meant something to her too -- but what?

"What makes you think so?" I refused to break eye-contact.

She continued to meet my gaze but didn't say another word.

My irritation grew with every second of silence that passed. Didn't she know it didn't work this way? I told her I couldn't hear her -- that she was my one exception. Why wouldn't she answer me? Or was that the point. Was her silence telling me that she was stubbornly defying my request, knowing there was nothing I could do to retrieve the answer from her unwillingly?

I didn't notice that my features had distorted into a scowl until Bella finally lifted up a finger and said "Let me think."

I felt my features relax at her words. She could have all the time in the world -- just as long as she planned to answer. I detracted myself by watching her fidget as she thought.

"Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes..." she finally began. "I can't be sure -- I don't know how to read minds -- but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else."

"Perceptive." The words broke straight from my mind.

My response triggered a change in Bella's face -- anxiety flashed across her features.

"That's exactly why you're wrong, though," I tried to explain my answer - to undo whatever had made her anxious. Then I recalled her opening statement...

"What do you mean, 'the obvious'?" I asked for clarification.

"Well, look at me," she began. I already didn't like where this was going. "I'm absolutely ordinary -- well, except for bad things like near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you." She waved her hand in my direction, as if that explained everything.

What, a blood-thirsty monster who can't even control himself enough not to interfere in the life of a perfectly innocent and anything but ordinary woman? Obviously, Bella had spent too much time letting people like Jessica influence her opinion of herself.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know. I'll admit you're dead-on about the bad things," I chucked darkly after I said it -- that was why we were both here after all -- "but you didn't hear what every human male in this school was thinking on your first day."

That first horrible, fantastic day -- the day Bella entered my life. For once, the human males had gotten it right.

Bella was clearly astonished by this revelation. "I don't believe it ...," she muttered, more a gasp of air than an actual statement.

"Trust me just this once -- you are the opposite of ordinary."

She was a woman who had stolen the heart of a vampire -- how normal could she be? Flames punched down my throat as her cheeks turned scarlet, reminding me of another extraordinary feature of Bella, the allure of her blood. Somehow I didn't think pointing that out would make her feel better at the moment.

"But I'm not saying goodbye," she had recovered and returned to her original argument.

"Don't you see? That proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it" -- I hated that I had to use 'if' but so far I had only proven that I _couldn't_ stay away from her. I shook my head to clear the thought. I could do it, if -- "if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."

"And you don't think I would do the same?" She glared at me as she spoke.

I almost sighed. "You'd never have to make the choice."

At least she would never have to feel the pain of being separated indefinitely from the one she loved. But at the moment, Bella was safe enough with me, so there was no point in me dwelling on the pain of an event that has yet to occur. I smiled at her mischievously -- she wouldn't be rid of me just yet.

"Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence," I teased.

"No one has tried to do away with me today," she countered.

Her eyebrows pulled together for a brief moment in some new thought of hers, but it was gone before I could interpret it and she didn't appear willing to share.

"Yet," I emphasized.

"Yet," she agreed, her good mood still intact.

"I have another question for you."

Now that we were past the hard part, I recalled a complication in my plan to accompany Bella to Seattle. But I had come up with an alternative plan, if she was willing.

"Shoot."

"Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?"

She made a face at some memory, probably having to do with the admirers I mentioned.

"You know, I haven't forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet," she warned, revealing exactly which admirer she was recalling. "It's your fault that he's deluded himself into thinking I'm going to prom with him."

"Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me -- I just really wanted to watch your face," I laughed as I remembered the look on Bella's face that day as boy after boy lined up for their chance with her. "If I'd asked you, would you have turned _me_ down?"

"Probably not," she seemed reluctant to answer, "but I would have cancelled later -- faked an illness or a sprained ankle."

"Why would you do that?" I asked puzzled. Wouldn't it have just been easier to tell me no? She'd had no problem turning down all her other admirers.

She shook her head at me, as if I were overlooking the obvious.

"You're never seen my in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand."

It was true -- I had never seen Bella in Gym before -- but I was pretty sure I could imagine what that would look like. I almost cringed at the thought.

"Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?" I described the image in my head.

"Obviously."

"That wouldn't be a problem. It's all in the leading." I answered her confidently. She may not be able to dance, but I'd had decades of practice.

She looked like she was about to start arguing again so I moved on before she had the chance. "But you never told me -- are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?"

"I'm open to alternatives," she answered after a short pause. "But I do have a favor to ask."

I tried to keep the scowl off my face. "What?"

"Can I drive?"

"Why?" I frowned at her. I always drove. I didn't even like relinquishing that control to my own family members -- and they all had superior senses and reflexes. Hadn't we just been discussing how Bella had below-average reflexes, even for a human?

"Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn't lie, but I don't think he _will_ ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me."

I rolled my eyes at the last part. "Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." I muttered at her, shaking my head.

It was worse than I had originally thought; we were going to have to take her truck. I pondered briefly if I could deny her request on the grounds of her driving being an unnecessary risk to her personal safety. Of course, her entire outing with me undeniably counted as an unnecessary danger, so I suppose that wouldn't be a valid excuse. Speaking of unnecessary risk...

"Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me?" I turned to her in all seriousness, letting the driving thing drop. This was the more important battle.

"With Charlie, less is always more." She brushed off my question. "Where are we going anyway?"

"The weather will be nice, so I'll be staying out of the public eye... and you can stay with me, if you'd like to." As always, I left the choice up to her. Although with Bella, I knew it was pointless.

"And you'll show me what you meant, about the sun?" The excitement on her face made her choice obvious. It was just like Bella to focus on the wrong details.

"Yes." I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm though. "But if you don't want to be... alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size."

Maybe at least by talking through the other option, she would give her decision a little more thought.

"Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle -- just in population. In physical size --"

"But apparently," I interrupted her before she could really get going. She was missing the point. "Your number wasn't up in Phoenix. So I'd rather you stayed near me."

As always, I gave in.

"As it happens, I don't mind being alone with you."

"I know." I sighed back at her. At least I tried. "You should tell Charlie, though."

"Why in the world would I do that?" She asked incredulously.

"To give me some small incentive to bring you back." I spat the words at her. I'm sure my face reflected a similar ferocity, but her unwillingness to at least acknowledge the danger had ignited my anger. I couldn't force her to make the right choices but she _would_ acknowledge the danger of the choices she made.

My outburst definitely had an effect on her. For the moment she just sat silently looking a bit stunned. I almost regretted being so harsh with her.

"I think I'll take my chances." The finality of her answer instantly hardened any softness I had begun to feel.

I exhaled angrily to avoid saying anything else rude. It was pointless with her anyway. I averted my attention from her while I tried to gain some control over my anger.

_Has he gone mad? Carlisle is not going to like this..._

_Good. Now we can all be rid of this insignificant human and move on with our lives._

The voices of my family broke into my thoughts.

"What do you think the odds are he'll bring her back alive?" That wasn't a thought. Emmett was actually excited about the prospect of a bet.

"Let's talk about something else," Bella tried to distract me from my temper.

"What do you want to talk about?" I grumbled back at her.

I was trying to listen to Alice, who was currently scanning through Bella and my immediate future. Just in case I was making a mistake.

The sound of a muffled but sharp inhale immediately brought my attention back to Bella. I had barely regained her face before she was firing a new question at me.

"Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend... to hunt? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of the bears."

I just stared at her for a moment, half trying to figure out what had startled her, half waiting for the obvious answer to occur to her. What had prompted her to make the leap from our outing to hunting?

I could almost see the second the realization dawned on her -- the change in her face was immediate.

"Bears?" She gasped.

I grinned wickedly back at her.

"You know, bears are not in season," she tried to cover up her initial shock but it was still written all over her face. Nevertheless, I played along.

"If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons," I informed her matter-of-factly. I continued to smirk at her as this new thought registered on her face as well.

"Bears?" she repeated with the same amount of disbelief as the first time.

"Grizzly is Emmett's favorite." I continued to play it cool.

At least something was having an effect on her. Her reaction was stronger in response to this new information than it had been to anything else I had told her over the past two days.

"Hmmm." As if to spite me, Bella immediately regained her composure, pausing to take a bite of her pizza as she thought.

I felt all of _my_ composure slipping away.

"So," she continued in a much more conversational tone after a moment, even looking up to meet my gaze. "What's your favorite?"

I frowned. "Mountain lion."

"Ah." She replied as if the topic were of little interest to her, looking down to search for her drink. She was playing games again.

"Of course, we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators -- ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?" I smiled at her teasingly. Two could play at this game.

"Where indeed," she mumbled back with a mouth full of pizza.

"Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season -- they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable." I was fishing for something new to shock some sense into her, but I couldn't help but recall Emmett's mishap with the cub during our last hunting trip together. His face had been priceless.

"Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear," she continued her charade.

I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head at my futile attempt to battle her stubbornness. I fold -- she wins.

"Tell me what you're really thinking, please."

"I'm trying to picture it -- but I can't," she admitted. "How do you hunt a bear without weapons?"

"Oh, we have weapons." I demonstrated with a brief flash of my teeth. "Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting."

A slight shiver seemed to run through Bella's body. She turned to stare wide-eyed at Emmett, who thankfully, was pretending not to notice my little lesson about his hunting technique. He was however, doing his best to flex without making it obvious.

I chuckled at him, glad for the help actually. Maybe he could put a little fear into her. When she turned back to face me, her expression was still one of disbelief.

"Are you like a bear too?" She practically whispered over the table at me. I wasn't sure if she was really that unnerved or had just realized that my siblings were privy to our conversation.

"More like the lion, or so they tell me," I replied lightly. Maybe she'd had enough shock for one day. "Perhaps our preferences are indicative."

She smiled weakly at me. "Perhaps," she mumbled half-heartedly, absorbed in her own thoughts for the moment.

"Is that something I might get to see?" She emerged.

I felt the color drain from my face -- no small feat for a vampire. She might as well have kicked me in the chest -- her question actually caused me to physically retreat in my chair.

"Absolutely not!" I hissed at her, not even attempting to hide my fury.

Her own face seemed to lighten a shade or two in response to my reaction. Good.

"Too scary for me?" She asked after a moment. Her voice seemed a little shaky.

"If that were it, I would take you out tonight." I showed her no mercy. "You _need_ a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial to you."

"Then why?" She pressed, despite the fact I must have looked like I was going to rip her arms off right there in the lunchroom. This was exactly what I meant.

I just glared at her for a minute, biding my time, too angry to even speak. I watched as all around us people were making their exit from the lunch room. Bella seemed oblivious to the movement.

"Later," I finally replied once we were almost the last people in the cafeteria. I jumped to my feet, illustrating that this conversation was over the time being. "We are going to be late."

She looked like she wanted to protest but one glance around the cafeteria told her that I was right -- we were going to be late if she delayed.

"Later, then," she agreed. But I could tell from her tone that she wasn't going to let it go. Bella never did.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Complications

I was doing my best to hide the irritation I felt over our lunch conversation as Bella and I walked into Biology together, but Newton's thoughts weren't helping anything. They were much more focused now and still all about Bella. Apparently, Jessica had filled him on the details of our rendezvous during lunch. He was contemplating what he could do to interfere with our budding relationship.

I pushed Newton out of my head -- and instead thought about how much things had changed since I first met Bella just a few short months ago. I used to dread coming to Biology every day and sitting next to her at this table. At the time, I couldn't get far enough away from her. Now, it seemed I couldn't get close enough.

I heard the familiar squeak of the cart that housed the school's ancient AV equipment before it had even left the storage room. It was going to be a movie day. Sure enough, a minute later Mr. Banner backed in the classroom dragging the cart behind him.

It wasn't until the classroom lights went out that I realized we were going to have a problem. Like so many of the unnecessary advantages the vampire physique offered, my other senses were heightened the moment the room went dark, as if to make up for the minuscule change in my vision. This adjustment was undeniably helpful for tracking prey in the middle of a pitch black forest, but right now I was in a classroom full of children and everything was registering Bella. I could feel the heat radiating off her arm next to mine; the sound of blood rushing through her veins and air through her lungs filled my ears, and I could smell every intricate note in the scent of her blood.

It was like a powerful magnet had been activated and Bella and I were opposite poles. The desire to cross the last remaining inch between our two bodies was almost unbearable. The craving I fought was similar to the craving I had fought the first day that Bella and I occupied these seats... but it was different too.

That day, I had been ready to strike in the blink of an eye. She was my prey and I was the hungriest predator in the world. Now, I didn't so much want to kill her as _touch_ her. I wanted to reach out and trace the lines of her face, her jaw, her neck...

But I couldn't -- the fire in my throat told me that. No matter how innocent the gesture might seem now, I knew there would be no stopping me if I let myself get that close. Instead, I locked my fists underneath my arms, cut the air to my lungs, and waited.

I was strong enough to keep my hands to myself, but I couldn't keep my eyes from wandering over to where Bella sat beside me. She was a mirror image of me -- balled fists, sideways glance, sheepish grin and all.

Did that mean she could feel the strange pull too? Perhaps this was another one of my kind's unfair advantages -- any human that got close enough to us would literally be drawn straight into our arms. I almost cringed as I thought about the countless victims I had preyed upon during that dark period in my life when I had hunted humans. The end was always so quick for them -- was it possible that in their last moments they had actually been reaching out to me -- embracing death.

I shook away the disturbing thought and instead tried to focus on distracting myself during the seemingly never-ending hour of torture. I even tried to watch the movie -- although I must have seen some version of it a thousand times already, but it was no use -- my head was full of Bella.

Please let her be strong enough to resist this -- I offered a silent prayer to any deity willing to listen. I wasn't sure what would happen if either of us crossed the diminutive barrier separating us.

Finally, the class period ended and Mr. Banner was forced to turn the lights back on. The electric atmosphere seemed to dissipate immediately.

Bella also seemed relieved, releasing a deep sigh and stretching out her arms and fingers.

"Well, that was interesting." I murmured to her darkly.

"Umm," she obviously didn't know what to make of it either.

"Shall we?" I asked her, rising from my seat.

A brief expression of displeasure crossed Bella's face but she rose slowly without saying a word and we both started toward the gym.

Bella and I walked together in silence. My thoughts turned brooding as I began contemplating my no-touch policy with Bella, in light of our Biology experience. Would it really be so dangerous to reach over and hold her hand? Or put my arm around her waist? Was it a risk I was willing to take?

I recalled Jessica and Bella's earlier conversation and the disappointment in Bella's response as she explained how unlikely it was that we would share a kiss anytime soon. Obviously, physical contact was a normal part of any human relationship, so it was only natural that it would be something Bella would want. Hell, I wanted it and I wasn't even human. What would happen if one of us accidentally crossed the barrier one day? Would I be able to control my reaction? Was keeping a strict no-touching-zone between us a risk all its own?

Maybe I had underestimated Bella. Watching her fight for control today in Biology, she obviously understood there was at least some danger in reaching out to me. While I was undeniable grateful that she had managed to restrain herself, it saddened me to know that she understood the need to do so. How long did I have before she became fed up with the strict rules and constant danger?

I almost laughed bitterly to myself as I realized that only a few weeks ago I had had Bella pressed up against my body, my hands pressing her shoulders to the cold pavement. At the time, I would have given anything to have escaped our embrace. Now it seemed unlikely that our bodies would ever touch that way again.

I didn't even notice we had reached the gym until Bella turned to me as if to say something. We hadn't said one word to each other the entire walk. Whatever she had meant to say now, the words never made it out of her mouth.

I stared into her shocked brown eyes, not even bothering to hide the conflicted expression I knew had caused her words to falter. If I had consciously decided, I wasn't aware of it -- it was like my hand was moving of its own accord. Carefully, as gently as I could manage, I reached up and stroked Bella's cheek.

I was several feet away before she could even gasp in surprise. I felt guilty -- leaving so abruptly without so much as a word of explanation -- but it was the only way. Despite my determination to keep her safe, I couldn't have been sure of the outcome of that one simple gesture.

My fingers still burned with the warmth of her skin and I could barely register anything but the fire in my throat. But I had done it -- I had crossed the barrier and I walked away and left Bella unharmed.

By the time I calmed down enough to think clearly again, I was late for my last class of the day. Rather than bother with coming up with an excuse for my tardiness, I decided to go to Bella's class instead. After all, she was the one that mentioned how I'd never seen her in Gym class.

Luckily for me, the school's gymnasium contained large glass windows along three of the four walls, one of which faced the forest that reached out to meet the school, making it easy for me to spy on Bella without any fear of detection.

I arrived just in time to see Bella and Mike lining up on one side of a badminton net. Bella looked very uncomfortable, like she was afraid her racket might jump up and bite her. It didn't take long to see why. In the first five minutes, she managed to hit herself in the head and Mike in the shoulder, all in the same swing. I almost fell to the ground laughing.

She spent the rest of the period standing in the back of the gym trying not to hit anything. It was probably for the best -- assuming she wanted to avoid any permanent brain damage -- although I would like to have seen her take a few more swings at Newton. That and watching Newton play solo was much less entertaining than Bella had been.

At the sound of the coach's whistle, I slowly began the walk back to where I would meet Bella, only casually listening as her and Newton left the court. At least until I heard him say my name.

"You and Cullen, huh?" I didn't like Newton's tone. He had finally decided to act on the thoughts he had been thinking all day.

"That's none of your business, Mike." I did like Bella's tone. It suggested she might unleash the fury of her racket on him again if he didn't watch what he said.

"I don't like it," Newton muttered back at her anyway.

"You don't have to," Bella snapped back at him.

I couldn't have agreed with her more. No matter how conflicted my own thoughts were about Bella and I being together, Newton didn't get a say.

"He looks at you like... like you're something to eat," he continued.

I froze in place. It was either that or risk setting a world record for the four hundred or so feet separating him from me.

Instead I focused on the strange, muted sound coming from Bella. Was she giggling? Figures she would find Newton's comment hilarious. That made one of us.

The conversation ended as abruptly as it had begun. Once I was sure I could control myself, I started moving again. I made my way to the side of the gym from which I knew Bella would emerge and waited.

I tried to judge Bella's mood, considering my disappearing act earlier, as I watched her walk over to where I leaned against the wall. She seemed to be happy to see me -- and relieved for some reason.

"Hi," she smiled warmly at me.

"Hello," I answered her with a smile of my own. "How was Gym?"

"Fine," she lied. Her face would have betrayed her even if her tone had not.

"Really?" I replied skeptically, momentarily splitting my attention. Newton caught my eye as he emerged from the gym. I really would like to have a word with him, but now wasn't the time. He was already headed in the other direction anyway.

"What?" Bella demanded, drawing my full attention back to her.

"Newton's getting on my nerves." I answered her truthfully.

"You weren't listening again?" She gasped, her tone thick with disapproval.

Well, if I was going to be in trouble anyway, I might as well come completely clean.

"How's your head?" I asked as innocently as possible, fighting back a laugh.

"You're unbelievable!" She accused before turning angrily and stomping away in the direction of the parking lot.

I laughed quietly to myself before taking off after her.

"You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym -- it made me curious." I tried to sound earnest but I wasn't concealing my amusement very well. She obviously heard it too because she ignored me and continued to stomp on.

I let her fume in silence during the walk back to my car.

I should have expected the crowd of guys that had gathered around Rosalie's car, but as usual, Bella had distracted me. Just like I thought... anything bright and shiny... I rolled my eyes at their blind admiration.

"Ostentatious," I muttered to myself once I had successfully navigated through the crowd without so much so as a drool stain.

"What kind of car is that?" Bella asked, obviously taken with the size of the crowd of admirers.

"An M3."

"I don't speak _Car and Driver_." Bella pointed out. I was surprised she even knew the name of a car magazine.

"It's a BMW," I clarified, rolling my eyes at her.

We might as well have been invisible as far as the onlookers were concerned -- which normally was a good thing -- except that it made backing out a little inconvenient at the moment. I waited until I had successfully maneuvered us out of the parking spot before turning my attention back to Bella.

"Are you still angry?"

"Definitely." She answered immediately.

I sighed. "Will you forgive me if I apologize?"

"Maybe... if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again," she answered firmly.

"How about if I mean it, and I agree to let you drive Saturday?" I bargained.

She contemplated my terms for a moment but finally gave in with a "Deal."

"Then I'm very sorry I upset you," I apologized sincerely. I _was_ sorry I had upset her... just not for spying on her. That had been well worth it. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning," I added before she could see through my words.

"Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."

I smirked. "I wasn't intending to bring a car."

"How --"

"Don't worry about it. I'll be there, no car." I cut her off before she could start up with her endless questions.

She let that question drop but clearly she had others on her mind.

"Is it later yet?" she finally vocalized.

I frowned as her statement drew my thoughts back to our lunch conversation.

"I supposed it is later," I replied reluctantly.

I pulled my car up behind Bella's truck in the driveway and put it in park. Then I turned to her, preparing for the subject I knew was on her mind. She seemed momentarily distracted by our surroundings, but when she turned back to me the curiosity was clear in her eyes.

"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" I started.

I definitely still felt irritated at her request, but at the same time, I knew this wasn't what was really on her mind. I had to fight back a smirk as I thought about the look of genuine fear that flashed across her face as she processed my response at lunch.

"Well," she clarified, "I was mostly wondering about your reaction."

"Did I frighten you?" I replied wickedly, knowing full well I had.

"No."

"I apologize for scaring you," I ignored her lie. "It was just the very thought of you being there... while we hunted." I tightened my jaw against the scenario my brain was trying to create, unable to continue the explanation.

"Would that be bad?" Bella pressed quietly.

"Extremely." I answered her without unlocking my jaw.

"Because...?" she persisted.

I tried to take a deep, cleansing breath before I answered but the air was full of Bella's scent. I stared out the window at the darkening sky in front of me, but I was seeing a very different scene in my head -- a dark forest full of the same scent.

"When we hunt," I began slowly, carefully choosing my words, "we give ourselves over to our senses... govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way..." I shook my head, trying to simultaneously expel the depression I suffered at the obvious outcome of that scenario, and the eagerness I experienced as part of me still longed to see it played out. I was still a monster after all.

My eyes flickered to Bella's face, as if to have her confirm the thought. Her face revealed nothing, but my eyes refused to let hers go.

Staring silently into her eyes in the confined space of my car, under the ever darkening sky, the same electrically charged atmosphere began to build between us. Suddenly the air seemed heavy, suffocating almost, and every fiber of my being seemed to constrict. My fingers recalled the burn of Bella's soft, hot skin as my mind once again began racing through the forbidden sensations... reaching out to trace the bone of her cheek, feel the plumpness of her lips, letting my fingers trail down her chin, along her jaw, feeling the tight muscles in her neck, the veins pulsing just beneath the surface...

Bella's jagged gasp for air snapped me back into reality. I closed my eyes against the images in my head, real and imaginative. I would have been gasping for air too had I any physiological need for it... my own breathing had ceased.

"Bella, I think you should go inside now." My eyes sought the safety of the clouds again but the roughness in my voice betrayed my internal struggle.

Bella complied silently, opening the door to step into the crisp outside air. Her warm, suffocating fragrance was replaced with the cool, clean air, helping to clear my head. Bella seemed to regain a little composure too as she climbed from the car and shut the door behind her.

Now that I could think straight again, I felt bad leaving Bella on such awkward terms. I rolled down the passenger side window to catch her.

"Oh, Bella?" I called.

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow it's my turn," I warned, smiling a little to help disarm her.

"Your turn to what?" she still seemed slightly concerned.

"Ask the questions." I smiled widely.

I was out of the driveway and down the street before she could even open her mouth to object.

* * *

That night Bella's room was charged with the same electric current we had fought twice that day already. I felt sure Bella could feel it too because she spent most of the night tossing and turning and awoke often. Each time she woke up, I became a statue, too panicked to move for fear that she would discover me. But each time she would turn over on her side and within a few minutes I would hear the familiar, deep breathing that meant she was asleep again. After she awoke for what must have been the tenth time in the early morning hours, I decided it was time to leave. Bella clearly wasn't going to get any sleep as long as I stuck around.

Instead I headed home to retrieve my Volvo and change clothes. I usually performed these tasks while Bella got ready for school herself, so I had a little more time than usual this morning. I headed into the living room where I found Alice and Emmett. I could hear Rosalie upstairs but I seriously doubted she would be joining us. It didn't sound like anyone else was home.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked no one in particular. I had been hoping he could give me some insight into the weird current that seemed to be materializing between Bella and myself.

"He's at the hospital. They called him in about an hour ago." Alice was the one that answered. Her explanation was not alarming; Carlisle often volunteered to be on call, since he had no need for sleep.

I couldn't deny that I felt a little relieved I wouldn't have to see Carlisle tonight. While it would have been nice to get his opinion on what was happening between Bella and me, I really didn't want to know what he thought about my planned outing on Saturday.

But I did want to know what Alice thought. Bella had distracted me from Alice's thoughts at lunch today so I hadn't gotten to see any potentially negative outcomes. I walked over to where Alice was perched on the couch and sat down beside her.

"About this Saturday, with Bella..." I prompted.

I huge grin appeared on Alice's face and her eyes lit up. "You mean, about this weekend with Bella." She corrected.

She was right of course. I had been tentatively forming plans for the Sunday after our outing, assuming we made it that far.

"About this weekend then..." I paused, waiting. I had expected that Alice would start forming images the moment I brought the subject up, but she was keeping her thoughts carefully diverted. She watched my face as a look of frustration took over.

"No peeking," she teased me. "Where's the fun if you already know everything that happens ahead of time?" She continued. I didn't smile.

"Don't look so serious Edward. Everything will be fine. And of course, I will be more than happy to go hunting with you on Friday."

I glanced over to where Emmett sat. Alice followed my gaze.

"Don't bother asking him or Jasper. They are both betting against you. They are not going to do anything that might help tip the odds in your favor." She shook her head disapprovingly at him. Emmett grinned hugely at me.

"But in all seriousness Edward," Alice turned her attention back to me. Her voice dropped in volume. "Your future still has a lot of... indecision in it. Whatever you have been debating lately, it has been causing wide fluctuations in my visions. Please be careful."

"Besides," she continued in a much lighter tone, "I've already picked out the perfect outfit for Sunday. It would be a shame to let it go to waste."

I rolled my eyes at her and retreated up the stairs to my room. Typical Alice. At least she seemed to have confidence that everything would turn out alright this weekend. I just wished I felt the same confidence. Of course I was going to be careful, but how was I supposed to know which path was the correct one?

As I waited for Charlie to leave so I could pick Bella up for school the next morning, I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. Bella had been wrong; Charlie was bringing up the Seattle trip again. Maybe now she would give in and tell him she would be with me. I knew it was a futile hope, but my eyes still narrowed slightly as I heard her carefully constructed answer that neither confirmed nor denied any change in plans. I sighed but decided not to bring it up with her. It's not like I wasn't fully aware of her stubbornness. Besides, she'd just be angry that I was eavesdropping again.

"Good morning," I addressed her happily as she climbed into my car. "How are you today?"

I scrutinized her face as I asked and immediately felt guilty. The dark circles under her eyes and puffy eyelids confirmed my suspicion that she hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep last night.

"Good, thank you." She replied simply.

"You look tired," I objected, letting my gaze linger on the circles under her eyes to help make my point.

"I couldn't sleep." She answered, subconsciously shifting her hair over her shoulder. I recognized her defense mechanism and decided not to press things.

"Neither could I," I teased to lighten the mood.

She laughed. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" She asked me innocently.

I chuckled darkly. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" Her forehead creased in a look of concern.

What did she possibly have to be concerned about? I was the one who had to answer all the hard questions. My line up for her was a walk in the park compared to what I had been through.

"What's your favorite color?" I started at the top of my mental list.

She rolled her eyes. I guess it was quite a change from the types of questions we had been discussing over the past few days, but I was eager to know as much as possible about her. It was a little unusual for me also, considering I had never had a need to vocalize these questions before -- I usually just picked this kind of information out of people's thoughts. Still, while it was true that my mind would never forget any information it collected, I did need to hear the answer at least once. With Bella, that meant we had a lot of ground to cover.

"Probably brown," she answered.

I snorted despite my agenda. "Brown?" What good was asking her the question if she wasn't going to answer truthfully?

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown -- tree trunks, rocks, dirt -- is all covered up with squashy green stuff here."

The seriousness of her rant made me realize that she hadn't just given me an impromptu answer -- she had actually thought about this. Come to think of it, she did complain a lot about green stuff in her sleep.

"You're right," I replied seriously, staring into her large, brown eyes. "Brown is warm."

I reached over to sweep her hair back behind her shoulder; it was partially blocking my view of her face.

I paused long enough to park in my usual spot at school before continuing on to the next question.

"What music is in your CD player right now?"

I listened as she named the band. I smiled to myself, reaching in my console to pull out the CD she had named. I considered this band to be a guilty pleasure of mine.

"Debussy to this?" I raised my eyebrow at her. She just kept her eyes down.

We spent the rest of the day in a similar fashion, me asking questions and her answering as simply as possible. I knew to press for more information when her cheeks turned scarlet. For the most part, she was very good about answering the questions to my satisfaction. Only once or twice did I actually have to coax an answer out of her.

I tried to ignore the familiar squeak of wheels in Biology, continuing on with my line of questioning almost up until the lights went out. Just like yesterday, Bella and I spent the hour fighting the strange pull that was trying to force us together. Had I been less greedy with the time I got to spend with Bella, I might have considered skipping Biology today.

Once again, the relief was immediate as soon as the lights were back on. And just like yesterday, the experience had left me with brooding thoughts and an urge to test my limits with Bella. Instead of continuing down my list of questions, Bella and I walked to the gym in silence again.

At least this time I consciously made the decision, painfully aware of my actions as I reached up to touch Bella's face for the second time ever. This time I allowed my hand to linger a little longer, trailing from temple to jaw. Although I immediately turned to leave without so much as a parting word again, I was able to maintain at least some composure this time as I did so. I had expected burning sensation in my throat and along the back of my hand -- I was prepared for them.

Keeping my wits about me had left me plenty of time to get to last period. Besides, I didn't dare spy on Bella in gym again so soon after her scolding.

My brooding thoughts had subsided by the time last period let out and I was ready to continue on with the inquisition. Bella greeted me with a warm smile as she emerged from the gym to join me. I smiled warmly in response before launching back into my cross-examination.

We had worked up to the more difficult questions now, ones that were so easily answered in one or two words. I wanted to know about Bella's life before she came to Forks. I was trying to imagine what she was like in what I would consider her natural environment -- where she was happiest. I enjoyed listening to her describe the minute details of her hometown, but it was hard too. Something about the look in her eyes as she described the large blue sky, the glow of the afternoon sun on the hills that rose about the valleys, left me with a sense of sadness. It must have been so hard for her to leave a place that obviously held such beauty for her.

Only the sound of Charlie's cruiser a few miles up the road interrupted our conversation. I tried to judge if I had enough time to squeeze one more question in before he arrived home, but decided I didn't want to rush Bella's answer.

"Are you finished?" Bella misread my momentary pause. She sounded relieved.

"Not even close -- but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" She sounded surprised. "How late is it?" She glanced at the clock to answer her own question.

"It's twilight," I answered her softly, letting my eyes drift to where the dim light from the setting sun would have been visible, were it not for the large storm clouds obscuring the view.

I couldn't help but contemplate the duality of the statement. Bella and I were finally breaking through all the hard parts -- the walls were down and all pretenses were dropped. We had overcome so much -- things were so much easier now that she knew the truth. But we still had so many insurmountable obstacles ahead of us. Our future together seemed so improbable, so impossible for us. The end seemed like the only outcome available to us -- the one certainty left. It felt like we were enjoying the last fleeting moments of a relationship doomed to darkness.

"It's the safest time of day for us," I turned my eyes back to Bella, trying to answer the question in her eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way... the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" A sad smile crossed my face.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She frowned, glancing out the windshield at the sky full of clouds. "Not that you see them much here," she added.

I laughed. Bella had a way of seeing the good in everything, whether it truly existed or not.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday..." I made the offer one last time.

"Thanks, but no thanks," she quickly turned it down. She began collecting her books. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not!" I faked outrage at the thought. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?" She replied wearily.

I smiled. "You'll find out tomorrow."

I had just reached over to help her open the door, since her hands were full of school books, when I heard it. A car was approaching. It wasn't Charlie -- he was still a couple of blocks away. But the mind in the car wasn't foreign to me either. It was a mind I hadn't heard in a very long time, but I would have recognized it anywhere. This was a Quileute -- and there was no chance he wasn't going to recognize me.

"Not good" I muttered to myself. I was still frozen in place, my hand on Bella's door handle.

"What is it?" My change in mood had alarmed Bella.

I glanced up at her. I didn't have enough time to explain -- Charlie was almost here.

"Another complication," I answered her glumly.

I flung her door opened and as quickly as possibly retreated as far from her as I could get. I knew it wouldn't matter -- it was too late. This Quileute was going to jump to conclusions regardless of what I did now.

"Charlie's around the corner," I warned Bella in a low voice. She had been distracted by the dark car that had pulled up to the curb a few feet away from us. She hopped out at once.

The headlights from the parked car flooded the interior of my car. I was right -- the passenger of the car immediately recognized me. He didn't know my full name, but he knew I was a Cullen, and he knew what that meant.

I glared through the painfully bright headlights at the passenger of the car. I willed him to understand the look on my face -- the look that said that I knew what he was thinking and that he was wrong about Bella and me. I had no intentions of breaking our treaty with them so he had no right to interfere. Forks was neutral ground.

He registered my look as nothing but defiance and his thoughts followed suit. Now wasn't the time to fight this battle, Charlie would be here any second, but I knew I was just postponing the inevitable.

I revved the engine and peeled out of the driveway, disappearing from sight just as Charlie would have been rounding the corner. I didn't slow down the entire drive home. My mind raced as I tried to figure out why a Quileute had shown up at Bella's house.

I needed to get back to Bella's as soon as possible.


	12. Chapter 12

**Time for a serious discussion. As most of you probably know by now -- someone leaked Stephenie's unfinished version of Midnight Sun on the internet. This was disappointing news for me for so many reasons. **

**For one, Stephenie has indefinitely put writing Midnight Sun on hold -- possibly never to be completed! Second, it leaves me conflicted as to whether I want to continue writing my version or not. For one thing, Stephenie decided to make the draft that was leaked available on her website -- a copy of which is now saved on my desktop. While I have yet to read it, the temptation to do so is great. If I decide to give in -- it will be impossible for me to continue writing this fanfic because I will be unable to imagine a version different from the one she wrote. **

**Even if I could separate my version from hers, I'm not sure I would want to. I chose to write this fanfic in a style that I thought would be as close to the way Stephenie would have written it as possible. Why should I continue knowing that the actual version is out there for the reading? It's like speculating who is going to win a game that has already been played -- it seems pointless. **

**Finally, even if I can resist reading Stephenie's version, I don't expect all my readers to resist. It is one thing when we (me as the writer and you as the reader) are both in the dark as to the actual story of Midnight Sun but if you know how it is supposed to happen and then you read my version -- there is no way you will be able to appreciate it in the same way. It's like when a band covers a song made classic by another band -- no matter how good the new version is, it's hard to like it as much as the original. Plus, I know my version isn't going to be 100 percent accurate and I really don't want to have to dig through reviews that point out just exactly how my version strays from Stephenie's. **

**I'm really sad because I was planning on this author's note being all excited because I have reached the midpoint of the book -- which was no easy feat for me. Now I'm not sure I'll even make through Chapter 13, not to mention all the way to the end. Anyway, in addition to reviews, feel free to leave me your thoughts on this situation and suggestions on how we should proceed. **

* * *

Chapter 12: Balancing

I slowed my pace as I approached the edge of the forest that gave way to Bella's lawn. My hair and clothes were thoroughly soaked with rain from the run but I barely noticed them. I was focused on the conversation and thoughts of the people inside.

Charlie and the older man -- Billy, Charlie had called him -- were in the living room watching a game on television. Bella and the younger boy were in the kitchen. Bella sounded like she was making dinner. My initial plan had been to focus on Charlie and Billy's conversation, seeing as Billy appeared to be the much greater threat of the two visitors, but at the moment Bella and the younger boy's discussion had my attention.

"Is something wrong with the truck?" he was asking her.

The question was simply a starting point. His thoughts were much more interested in me than the truck. I knew something about my presence earlier had bothered him -- but I had been too preoccupied with Billy's thoughts to really pay him any attention. He hadn't seemed to recognize me the way Billy did. Now that I did examine him, it was clear just exactly what was troubling him. He liked Bella -- and he thought I might be her boyfriend.

I expected to feel angry or jealous, now that I understood the newcomer's intentions, but surprisingly I just felt indifferent. His motives seemed innocent enough when compared to the alternatives I had imagined on the run over. Besides, his thoughts revealed a level of immaturity that I knew Bella would never fall for.

"No," Bella answered his question simply. She sounded like she had deduced where this conversation was headed and she didn't like it either.

"Oh. I just wondered because you weren't driving it," the boy continued his charade.

"I got a ride with a friend." Bella's voice was definitely getting more annoyed.

"Nice ride." The boy's thoughts showed more than a basic understanding of cars. He wasn't just saying that -- he knew a nice car when he saw one. "I didn't recognize the driver, though. I thought I knew most of the kids around here," he paused, waiting for Bella to enlighten him.

Bella's silence amused me. It was nice to know she could be frustratingly stubborn with someone other than myself.

"My dad seemed to know him from somewhere." The boy pressed on once he realized Bella was not going to voluntarily offer up any information. She may have met her match in the stubbornness department.

"Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They're in the cupboard over the sink."

An ice cold shiver ran through my body that had nothing to do with the rain.

Jacob. I knew that name. Suddenly, it all made sense. This was the boy -- the Quileute child that had broken the treaty. 'Jacob Black' she had called him that day. He was the one that told Bella the legends about my family. Billy must be his father.

"Sure," Jacob complied with Bella's request silently, but he was in no way fooled by her attempt at a diversion.

"So who was it?" He finally asked outright.

My eyes narrowed. This conversation didn't seem so innocent to me anymore.

Bella sighed. She had given up. "Edward Cullen."

I'm not sure what kind of reaction I expected, some sort of disapproval -- but to my surprise, Jacob laughed.

"Guess that explains it, then. I wondered why my dad was acting so strange." Jacob was clearly embarrassed by his father's prejudice against us. He thought Billy was insane for believing the old tribal legends.

"That's right. He doesn't like the Cullens." Bella said just a little too innocently. Jacob didn't seem to notice.

"Superstitious old man," he muttered under his breath.

Maybe this Jacob Black wasn't so bad after all. He was wrong, of course, about his father's views, but it was nice to have someone not jump to conclusions about us for once.

"You don't think he'd say anything to Charlie?" Bella's voice had just a little too much urgency in it.

Her tone didn't escape Jacob -- he didn't like it. In his mind, it confirmed his suspicions about the two of us. He briefly considered confronting her about it, but ultimately decided now was not the time.

"I doubt it," he finally answered her. "I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since -- tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."

"Oh," Bella tried to sound indifferent, but neither Jacob nor I were fooled.

How ironic -- I smirked to myself -- that Charlie apparently had a very favorable view of the Cullen family. I doubted he would still feel that way if someone were to inform him of my involvement with his daughter.

I listened more casually to the conversation between the four of them as the night continued -- convinced as Jacob had been that Billy was not willing to do anything to get on Charlie's bad side right now. Still, Billy's thoughts kept returning to me and why I had been with Bella. He was undoubtedly going to be a problem

Bella must not have been as thoroughly convinced that Billy wouldn't say something to Charlie if given the chance; she stayed up later than usual watching sports with the other three.

Finally, Jacob and Billy took their leave and Bella and Charlie headed off to bed with only a few more words. I cringed at the brief mention of Newton's name but all in all I felt relieved that the night had turned out uneventful.

Bella appeared to sleep peacefully that night as we were both spared from the strange electric current of the day before.

She seemed in a better than usual mood as she bound up to my car the next morning, and hopped in without any hesitation.

"How did you sleep?" I asked after she had settled herself into the passenger seat.

"Fine. How was your night?"

"Pleasant." I smiled back at her. My nights were always pleasant when I was near her.

"Can I ask what you did?" She asked, testing the water.

"No," I grinned back at her. "Today is still _mine_."

Last night made me realize how little I knew about Bella's acquaintances, so today's questions were all about people. Just in case I needed to be prepared to run into any more ancient enemies or the like. But for the most part, it seemed the people in Bella's life were normal and harmless, so the questions became more about satisfying my curiosity than anything else.

The only real surprise of the day had been when Bella admitted that she had never been in a serious relationship.

"So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked.

"Not in Phoenix," she qualified.

I felt my mouth tighten at the implication.

_Edward. What time are we leaving today?_ The thought came from across the cafeteria -- Alice.

"I should have let you drive yourself today," I spoke aloud as Alice's comment reminded me that I would be leaving Bella stranded.

"Why?" Bella demanded.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch." I answered both her and Alice's question at once.

"Oh," Bella seemed surprised. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

I frowned at Bella. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me," she sighed. "I really don't mind walking," she insisted, but her tone suggested she was annoyed.

I shook my head at her. Spying had its advantages of course -- I was pretty sure I knew exactly where the key to both Bella's house and truck were located. Not that I was above breaking and entering if necessary.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition -- unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of anyone trying to make a fast getaway in that old piece of junk. They would probably give up before they even made it out of the parking lot.

"All right." The words didn't sound like a concession, they sounded like a challenge.

Her lack of confidence amused me.

"So where are you going?" She still sounded a little miffed but she was going to let it go.

"Hunting." I answered her solemnly, trying to remind her of the danger of what we were attempting to do. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can."

"You can always cancel, you know," I added, pleading with her for the hundredth time.

"No, I can't." She whispered back, only meeting my gaze once the words were out.

"Perhaps you're right," I answered bleakly. Apparently, it was too late for either of us to turn back.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?" Bella's voice was a weird mixture of optimism and dejection.

"That depends ... it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?"

"No," she answered immediately.

I suppressed a smile -- she seemed as eager for the outing as I was.

"The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?" I asked innocently.

I remembered him mentioning to Bella just the night before that he was planning to go fishing Saturday. But of course, she didn't know that I knew that and I wondered if the information had given her second thoughts about spending the day with me.

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." She beamed back at me -- obviously pleased with the turn of events.

I fought back a scowl. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I snapped at her.

"I have no idea. He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." The cool edge to her tone made it clear this wasn't meant to be funny.

I allowed my scowl to break free. She scowled right back at me, the iciness working its way into her eyes.

"What are you hunting tonight?" She asked finally, giving up on our staring contest.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far," I answered her, momentarily struggling for normalcy. I still wasn't used to how casually Bella was able refer to the animalistic habits of my kind.

"Why are you going with Alice?"

"Alice is the most ... supportive." I frowned, thinking about the strain my relationship with Bella was placing on my relationship with my family.

"And the others?" She asked hesitantly. "What are they?"

My mind scanned through the various reactions of my family members over the past few days. "Incredulous, for the most part," I decided.

Bella peeked around me toward the table I knew my family members occupied.

"They don't like me," Bella speculated.

"That's not it," I disagreed with her. How could they dislike her when they didn't even know her? "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

Bella grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter."

Her reaction pained me. I shook my head slowly, trying to ward off the feeling. How could I make her understand how skewed her vision of things were?

"I told you -- you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

She just glared at me. She clearly thought I was mocking her.

"Having the advantages I do," I motioned briefly toward my forehead, lowering my voice so that we wouldn't be overheard, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you ... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise." I smiled at her, hoping she would see the sincerity my words.

She turned away, looking displeased. I tried harder.

"That part is easy enough to explain. But there's more ... and it's not so easy to put into words --"

Bella was still avoiding my eyes, looking over my shoulder again instead. I watched as her body suddenly tensed and her eyes widened in fright. Rosalie's wicked thoughts were only a second behind.

"Rosalie, stop it," I hissed at her, too fast for Bella to decipher.

I knew she had complied when Bella turned her gaze back to me -- her eyes still wide with fear and confusion.

Damn Rosalie.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried," I lied. Rosalie's problem ran deeper than that, but it wasn't something I wanted to dive into right now. "You see ... it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly ..." I let the thought trail off unfinished.

"If?" Bella urged shakily.

"If this ends ... badly." I dropped my head in my hands -- too ashamed to look her in the face. Despite all my promises to keep her safe, I was still not sure I was strong enough -- I was still undecided.

Bella sat silently for a moment, no doubt absorbing the meaning behind my words and actions.

"And you have to leave now?" She asked finally. Nothing about her tone suggested disapproval -- just disappointment.

"Yes," I started, finally raising my head to look at her.

_It's time Edward. I told you everything would be fine._ Alice scolded me from across the room. I heard her chair push back from the table.

"It's probably for the best," I continued my reply to Bella as if the interruption had not occurred. "We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology -- I don't think I could take any more," I grinned at her, truly relieved to be skipping that experience today.

Bella gasped quietly as Alice appeared behind me.

"Alice." I addressed her without taking my eyes off of Bella. I knew she understood what I was implying with the greeting -- that she needed to be on her best behavior. Given Rosalie's earlier performance, Bella was likely terrified of my family by now.

"Edward." Her reply was full of implications of its own.

I suppressed a sigh.

"Alice, Bella -- Bella, Alice." I introduced the two as casually as possible, hoping to help put Bella at ease.

"Hello, Bella. It's nice to finally meet you."

_Finally._ Alice emphasized again for me.

I shot her a warning look.

"Hi, Alice." Bella murmured back at her shyly. Just like I thought -- terrified.

"Are you ready?" Alice addressed me again.

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car," I replied in a dismissing tone. She got the hint and left without another word.

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella turned back to me but she still had a bit of a shell-shocked look about her.

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." I grinned at her.

"Have fun, then."

"I'll try. And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks -- what a challenge," she replied sarcastically, recovering a bit.

"For you it _is_ a challenge," I reminded her. "Promise," I demanded sternly.

"I promise to try to be safe," she recited back to me. "I'll do the laundry tonight -- that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," I mocked her.

"I'll do my best."

I stood up to get ready to leave. Bella stood with me.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed, her voice revealing a different kind of agitation -- like she was actually going to miss me.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I mused at the unfairness of the inconsistency between our views of time. Being a vampire did have its advantages.

She nodded slowly.

"I'll be there in the morning," I promised, reaching slowly across the table to lightly brush her cheek before turning to leave the cafeteria. I was definitely getting better at this whole touching thing.

Alice and I had no problem retrieving Bella's key from the pant's pocket I knew it rested in and returning her truck to school. I paused only long enough to place my reminder to Bella on her driver's seat before joining Alice in my own car. Despite the speed with which the night would pass for me, I was not looking forward to the hours of anxiety ahead.

* * *

Alice and I returned home just as the sky was darkening in the final moments before dawn. Our hunting trip had been successful even if the selection had been a little limited.

"I have never seen anyone eat that much -- ever," Alice shook her head at me. "I thought you were going to drain the whole park."

Truthfully, I'm not sure I had ever eaten that much before. I was kind of hoping by gorging myself the mere thought of Bella's blood would make me sick. It had been worth a try, even if I did have the feeling that it wasn't going to work that way.

The run over to Bella's the next morning was a very conflicted one. There was an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach -- but I couldn't decide if it was from eagerness or fear. Maybe I should turn around now, leave Forks, and never look back. Despite the rationality of the thought, my steps toward Bella did not once falter.

There was no denying the importance of the day, regardless of the outcome. Today could be the best day of my life -- but it could just as easily be the worst.

It was with this thought in my head that I knocked on Bella's door that morning. Bella fiddled with the lock for a moment before swinging the door open, sighing and grinning hugely. Why did Bella always seem so relieved to see me?

Of course, I was undeniably relieved to see her also. I took a moment to examine her appearance. She was slightly flushed, obviously relieved to see me, and wearing practically the same outfit as me.

"Good morning," I chuckled, my anxiety disappearing.

"What's wrong?" She began examining herself, no doubt searching for the source of my humor.

"We match." I laughed again and this time she joined me.

I walked to Bella's truck while she locked up the house, hovering reluctantly near the passenger door. I didn't try to hide the fact that I felt like I was serving out a punishment, just on the off chance that Bella would feel some sympathy for me and let me drive anyway.

"We had a deal," she reminded me, grinning smugly at she climbed into the passenger seat.

I bit my tongue and climbed into the passenger seat.

"Where to?" She asked as soon as I had closed the door.

"Put your seat belt on -- I'm nervous already," I commanded.

She looked so small and fragile in the driver's seat -- not that she didn't always look small and fragile -- but she looked especially so behind the wheel of five tons of metal.

She shot me a dirty look but proceeded to put on her seatbelt. "Where to?" She asked again.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I instructed.

My disbelief grew with every passing moment as we proceeded to creep through the sleepy town at an agonizingly slow pace. Could her speedometer be right? Was she really driving five miles per hour _under_ the speed limit? I was pretty sure I could walk there faster than this.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I asked finally, unable to keep my displeasure to myself any longer.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather -- have some respect," she shot back at me.

Well I think it might be time for 'grandpa' to move on, I schemed silently to myself but my kept mouth closed. Note-to-self, never let Bella drive again, period.

"Now we drive until the pavement ends," I explained after we had _finally_ turned onto the one-ten.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail," I answered as nonchalantly as possible. We weren't actually going to be taking the trail but something told me the less Bella knew ahead of time the better. She didn't really seem like the outdoorsy type.

"We're hiking?" Her voice seemed to jump an octave regardless.

"Is that a problem?" I asked knowingly.

"No," she lied.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." I tried to erase the panicked look that seemed to be creeping up on her face.

She didn't answer -- verbally at least. She just drove in silence looking slightly horror-struck.

"What are you thinking?" I finally asked, after it was apparent she was going to wear the same expression for the rest of the drive.

"I was just wondering where we're going," she lied again.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice," I answered her regardless.

"Charlie said it would be warm today."

Alice had told me the same thing.

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I asked skeptically.

"Nope." No big surprise there.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"No, I told her you canceled on me -- which is true." She sounded pleased with herself again, which, of course, meant I was furious.

"No one knows you're with me?" I growled at her.

"That depends ... I assume you told Alice?" She asked innocently.

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped back at her.

What was wrong with this girl? Did she have a death wish?

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I vocalized the thought.

"You said it might cause trouble for you ... us being together publicly," she explained.

I almost groaned out loud. How did she keep doing this -- getting everything backwards?

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_ -- if _you_ don't come _home_?"

She nodded in reply, despite my cutting sarcasm, and refused to look at me.

No matter what I did to try to keep her safe -- how many barriers I tried to put between us -- she was determined to have me kill her. There was no other explanation. I could drain her body now and no one besides my family would be the wiser. I could show up to school on Monday just as shocked and upset as everyone else, grieve the tragic nature of the whole thing, and continue on with life as usual.

I spent the rest of the drive too angry to speak. Even when we reached the end of the road and Bella turned off the engine and jumped out, I was still fuming silently to myself.

"This way," I said curtly in Bella's direction, starting into the forest.

"The trail?" Bella's voice definitely sounded panicked.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it," I answered harshly, refusing to show any sympathy for her obvious displeasure. We could both spend the day miserably for all I cared.

"No trail?" The panic in her voice turned to desperation. She sounded like she might start hyperventilating.

"I won't let you get lost," I turned around to smirk at her.

She let out a stifled gasp. Her expression erased any hostile feelings I had left -- it suggested physical pain.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked softly.

The disappointment would be crushing, but if she was too frightened to go any further I wasn't going to force her. I had tried to make it clear that she had the right to turn back at any point -- I wasn't going to stand in her way.

"No," she joined me at the edge of the forest, determination in her voice.

"What's wrong?" I kept my voice gentle, not wanting to frighten her anymore than she obviously was already.

"I'm not a good hiker," she answered in a deflated tone. "You'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient -- if I make a great effort," I joked, trying to force a smile from her.

She smiled weakly back -- but it didn't reach her eyes and faded quickly.

"I'll take you home," I tried to reassure her. All she had to do was say the word.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she shot back sharply.

She stood impatiently as I stared at her, trying to figure out the cause for her sudden mood swing. After a moment I gave up and led the way into the forest.

Despite Bella's fears, she wasn't actually that bad of a hiker. Not that it would have mattered if she was -- I wasn't going to let anything happen to her.

It only took a few minutes in the forest before I began to relax. The forest always felt so natural to me, so welcoming. I had never traveled through it at such a slow pace before; it allowed me to experience it in a new way. Regardless, I had to keep reminding myself of the dangers of getting too comfortable in my surroundings. Several times the quickening of Bella's heart reminded me not to get too complacent.

Mostly Bella and I just took in the scenery, although I did take advantage of the time to ask a few more questions that I hadn't gotten to during the previous two days. It took several hours, but eventually the brightness of the clearing became visible through the trees.

"Are we there yet?" Bella teased, feigning impatience.

"Nearly," I smiled, suspecting it wasn't all an act. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

Bella squinted through the trees ahead of us. "Um, should I?"

I smirked at her. "Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered to herself. I smiled wider.

I let Bella take the lead as we approached the edge of the forest where the sun was filtering down through the trees. When we reached the clearing I hung back, watching Bella's reaction as she walked into the little meadow that had been my secret haven for years. It was undeniable one of the most beautiful times of the year, when all the wildflowers were in bloom, covering the ground with a wide array of vivid colors. Despite the beauty of the scenery, I couldn't take my eyes off Bella as she proceeded further away from my current position.

She was almost to the middle of the small oval clearing before she noticed my absence.

Her expression changed from awe to bewilderment to curiosity as she finally spotted me, still under the shade of the trees at the edge of the forest. She motioned for me to join her, turning as if to start back toward me. I held up a hand to halt her progress. I needed a moment.

One more secret brought to light. I smirked to myself at the thought as I literally prepared to step from the safety of the shaded forest into the bright sunlight. I was pretty sure I knew how Bella would react -- the same way she always reacted -- with alarming calm and acceptance. But I couldn't help but think maybe this time would be different. This secret wasn't something she would be prepared for -- it wasn't something the myths about my kind addressed. It would present a striking contrast between her kind and mine.

Regardless of my speculations, there was only one way to find out how Bella would react. I took a deep breath and stepped into the sunlight.


	13. Note to Readers

Sorry if you got excited -- I didn't update the story yet. It's just been forever since I posted a new chapter so I felt I should send a little note. I do intend to keep posting -- I am just super busy right now and I really want to take my time on the meadow chapter so I get it right. Hopefully, I will get some writing in over the holiday break. Sorry for the long wait and I'll update as soon as possible!


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